


Fight For Me

by fairytaleslayer



Series: Fight Me [3]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, But no one dies, F/F, I have been told that this now needs the, Okay listen y'all are in for a ride, Smut, but happy endings are a must, i said Fight Me part three was gonna be different, lots of danger, tag since i forgot that one for chapter eight, we're all good and safe here, we're delving into the canon world this time, well not safe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-15
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-15 04:25:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 78,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7207763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We will meet again, Clarke." The last words Lexa ever spoke to Clarke. Little did they know how true those words were.</p><p>Or</p><p>Clarke and Lexa are reincarnated as the Girl from the Sky and Heda of all Grounders, and at first they don't remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome Down to My Planet Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Given recent events, I feel the need to firstly post a trigger warning for this first chapter. I'm going to state it plainly so no one is surprised - I do shoot Clarke in this chapter. BUT! It's in the shoulder, we're all good. She's going to be perfectly fine. But I understand how some people might not be able to read that right now. And I'll tell you all as many times as you need it, no one we love is going to die in this fic. Clarke will live, Lexa will live, and all the others we care about. I'm gonna take care of them. I'm not going to expound on what happened last weekend. We all know how we feel and there are no words to accurately depict it.
> 
> So without further ado, here is the beginning of part three of the Fight Me series!

Everything about the Ark has looked and felt wrong to you your entire life, but you can’t really figure out why. The colors are wrong, but they’ve never been different. The clothes feel strange, but they’re the same material as the last hundred years. Sometimes you catch a glimpse of a person you think you recognize from somewhere, and you spin around, only to be looking at yet another Arker. You know everyone, why would you think there was someone new?

Your parents – they feel right. They aren’t strange. Wells – he’s familiar too. They’re the only people on this damned spaceship that don’t seem wrong. The other teens think you avoid them because you’re a privileged snob, when really they just make your skin itch because everything about them is just slightly off. Everything on the Ark is too subdued – too dead. They should be alive.

You don’t know why you have felt this way all these years. It hurts. There’s an ache in your chest that never goes away no matter how happy you think you are. It feels suspiciously close to your heart, but you scoff at that idea.

When you try to bring it up to Wells, he nods like he understands and tells you that you just wish you were on Earth – like everybody else.

Earth. You draw it all the time. Buildings and lakes and forests and oceans. You draw as if from memory, but they’re places you’ve never seen. Wells thinks you’ve just memorized everything from books, but you never look at those. It hurts too much, and you can’t figure that out, either, so you avoid them too. Instead, you sketch what you wish you could see – what you think your ancestors may have seen over a century ago.

It’s not until your father’s dead, until you’re a criminal locked up for knowing too much, until you wake up in the Dropship that you realize you may step foot on Earth in your lifetime. Either that, or you’ll burn to death or be crushed sometime in the next twenty minutes. It’s a tossup.

* * *

You don’t burn. You don’t get crushed. And yet, everything is a disaster on the Ground. The other teenagers are rebellious – disorganized. Bellamy’s a prick. You’re not alone here and more than one person you feel responsible for has already died under your care.

The worst is Wells. And just after he’d finally told you the truth and you realized how wrong you’d been all this time. That very night, Charlotte murders him, and things only go downhill from there.

You’re still busy avoiding Finn – he follows you around giving you these moon eyes like he expects you to swoon at his feet. He feels the most wrong of all. Every time his skin comes into contact with yours you flinch away. He’s not meant to be near you. You crave someone else, but you don’t know who that is. Bellamy looks at you with respect and even friendship now, but that’s not it either.

Octavia runs into one of the Grounders and he saves her life, curing her of the poison running through her veins and returning her to the dropship. Bellamy tries to take him prisoner to demand information out of, but something flashes in your mind and you throw yourself in between them. “We are _not_ like that,” you warn him harshly. “We’re better than the adults on the Ark. Not everyone is to be treated with hostility just for being different. He saved your sister!”

Bellamy reluctantly backs down, and now Octavia is firmly in your growing camp of supporters. Lincoln fades away into the trees, but you know Octavia finds ways to see him nearly every day. She seems enamored, and you hate yourself for thinking it, but you hope that one of your people building a relationship with one of the Grounders will help smooth a path to an end to this tense standoff you’re having with an invisible enemy.

Raven crashes to Earth, and you are never more grateful for evading Finn than when you realize that they’re together. Or were. You’re not sure, now. On the Ground, everything changes.

The mechanic eyes you with distrust and maybe some anger for a while. You get fed up and pull her aside a couple days later. “Raven, I didn’t sleep with Finn,” you reassure her for what feels like the thousandth time. “I could never – I don’t want him.” You shudder at the thought of him touching you the way you only want one other person to ever touch you. But why can’t you remember who they are?!

The anger seeps from Raven’s eyes. “I believe you,” she sighs. “I just can’t believe that after ten days he’d already given up on me and starting hounding someone else. Did he not think I’d follow him? We’re family. He’s the only family I have.”

“I don’t know, Raven,” you answer sadly. “But I promise I have no interest in being near Finn.”

“We’re good, Princess,” Raven promises. The hated nickname Bellamy has given you doesn’t sound as harsh coming from her. “He’ll be wishing he never looked sideways at another girl when I dump his sorry ass in five minutes.”

That makes you laugh. Raven feels right – not quite the way you’ve been missing, but it doesn’t hurt to be around her. Not like everyone else does with Wells gone, except for maybe Octavia.

It’s not long after you make peace with Raven that the rest of the world goes to shit once more. Murphy comes back and all of a sudden kids are dying all around you with blood pouring from every orifice.

“Biological warfare,” you tell Bellamy before you fall ill. The Grounders are trying to kill you. What else is new?

Octavia comes back saying that the Grounders will attack at dawn, according to Lincoln. Something more than just fear curdles in your stomach. You’ve never been more grateful that you kept Bellamy from torturing Lincoln than when you order Octavia to go back and convince the isolated Grounder to get his people to meet so you can try to work out a peace.

Lincoln, somehow, is successful. You’ve recovered by the time of the meet agreed upon, and you gather those you trust most to accompany you to the bridge where Lincoln said the Grounders would be waiting. Raven, Octavia, Harper, Monroe and Monty round out your group. Bellamy is irked that you tell him not to come, but you ask him to make sure not another kid dies. Also, you don’t trust him not to hide a gun in order to protect his sister, and you’d expressly forbidden bringing weapons. You do not want to provoke the Grounders in a fight you know you cannot win.

Jasper joins your group at the last minute. “You can’t take Monty without me,” he claims, throwing his arms around the other boy’s shoulders.

You sigh. You’d really wanted to keep this group small so you don’t seem threatening. “Fine. Let’s go.” The teens trail after you in a sloppy line – Raven and Octavia joke around the entire time, Jasper doing the same behind, trying to impress the other girls. You want to tell them to keep it down – they could be inviting trouble – but in the end, you let them have their fun.

The bridge comes sooner than you had expected. A group of a dozen or so Grounders, dressed in armor and what appears to be war paint on their faces, wait for you. You really hope this will be an actually peaceful meeting, because you’re small group stands no chance if a fight breaks out.

“Harper, in a tree,” you order. “Watch our backs and make sure no one’s sneaking up on us. Monroe, you’re in the rear. Keep an eye on Harper and on us. Jasper, Monty, you’re in the middle. Raven and Octavia, you’ll come with me to the bridge. I’ll meet their leader in the middle. Hopefully.”

Raven gives you a sarcastic salute. “Aye-aye Captain,” she drawls. “Sure you don’t want me to just line the bridge with explosives?”

You give her a sharp look. “No bombs,” you reprimand her.

The brunette held up her hands in defeat. “Easy, Princess – I was kidding. No weapons. I got it.”

With one last warning glare for the two girls to behave, you tentatively walk out to the middle of the bridge. “I just want to talk,” you call out to the group that waits on the other side, staring at you impassively. “I don’t want to fight.”

After a long moment, a taller woman stalks out onto the bridge to meet you, a smaller shadow of a girl following. Something about the younger girl catches your eye, but you focus on the woman for now. “Don’t want to fight, branwada, or too cowardly to?” she asks harshly.

“I don’t want a war,” you state. “We didn’t know anyone else was down here – we’re just trying to survive.”

“And why should we care? You and those goufas are loud, obnoxious, unruly,” the woman scoffs. “And yet the boy who calls himself leader dares to call us the savages when you are the ones who started a war you don’t know how to end.”

You shake your head. “We didn’t start this – we were attacked first,” you deny vehemently. “But if I can make a deal with your leader, this can stop now. We just want to survive down here. Peacefully.”

“Reapers attacked you, not us,” the smaller girl pipes up. She can’t be more than twelve, and you wonder what such a young girl is doing out here with a war party.

“Em pleni, Tris,” the woman barks the order and the girl shrinks back.

“Moba, Anya,” she apologizes quietly.

You stare at the younger girl. Tris meets your eyes, and it hits you.

Tris.

Tris.

_Tris._

Oh, god.

Memories rush into you like they’d never left and almost send you crashing to your knees. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to make sense of all the images and voices and names that are suddenly filling your mind.

Raven. Octavia. Bellamy. Wells – oh, god, Wells. Fucking Finn.

And Anya. She’s right here.

“ _Clarke!_ They’re in the trees!”

Jasper’s yell slices through your thoughts. You spin around to see him pulling out a gun – _damn it_ , Bellamy – and aiming it straight at Anya.

Your brain shuts down and then you’re running completely on instinct. You shove Anya out of the path of the soon to be incoming bullet, and she’s so startled she falls to the ground. But Jasper is still ready to shoot, and now Tris is the one in his way. The girl is staring at the gun, blatant fear on her face.

Oh, _hell_ no.

You grab the girl who used to be her daughter – still feels like your daughter – and shield her with your body not a second before you hear the sound of a gun firing. Blazing pain flares through the right side of your back an instant later, and you cry out and slump into Tris, who is surprisingly able to hold up your larger weight without both of you toppling.

You vaguely hear Raven and Octavia screaming at Jasper and the sound of skin hitting skin. Jasper groans and you echo it as a sharp pain in your shoulder makes itself known. Yeah, the bullet definitely hit bone and maybe fractured it, you can’t be sure on that part.

Hands are grabbing your waist and relieving Tris of their burden. Anya sets you upright and then the other kids are surrounding you, freaking out. Jasper looks terrified and keeps apologizing, Raven and Octavia are asking if you’re okay, and Harper, Monroe, and Monty also throw worried inquiries at you. You blink and file away the rest of the pain to be ignored for now. “Guys! Shut up!” you yell.

Once they’re quiet, you immediately turn around and go to check Tris. “Are you okay?” you ask worriedly, scanning her up and down for any signs of injuries with your good arm. “It didn’t hit you?”

Tris shakes her head silently, staring up at you in what seems like awe. If you hadn’t stepped in the way, she’d have a brand new gaping hole in her chest and she doesn’t seem to know how to process that information. Once you’re sure she’s alright, you breathe a sigh of relief, and one last bombshell hits you.

 _Lexa_.

 _“We will meet again, Clarke.”_ Her last words to you.

How could you not remember her straightaway? You spin to Anya. “Take me to Lexa,” you demand. If Anya is here, Lexa will be nearby. The two are inseparable.

Anya’s face gets even more impassive, if possible.

“Don’t try that with me, Anya,” you hiss. “I know Lexa’s here. Take me to her. I need to speak to her.” Nothing is going to stand in the way of you finding your wife. Not even Anya. No matter how scary she is in this lifetime.

Anya still doesn’t saying anything, contemplating you.

You get impatient quickly. “Damn it, Anya!” you yell in frustration. “I can’t explain it right now. I don’t care how you want to do it. Tie me up, hold a knife to my throat, whatever makes you feel better, but I _will_ be seeing Lexa and you _will_ be taking me to her!”

There’s a long moment of Anya glaring at you before she glances at Tris, clenches her jaw and gives a quick nod, seemingly deciding to give you the benefit of the doubt for saving the girl. You breathe a sigh of relief. Anya says something authoritative to Tris in their strange language, and Tris reluctantly turns and follows her off the bridge, looking back at you over and over.

You turn back to your friends before you go after them. “Raven, take apart the gun and get rid of it. Then all of you go back to the dropship,” you tell them. “Don’t let Bellamy do anything else moronic before I get back. And Jasper?” The boy looks at you nervously, and you punch him in the face with your good hand. He drops like a stone. “Don’t ever go near Tris again,” you warn him menacingly.

“What the fuck is going on, Clarke?” Raven demands. “How do you –”

“I’ll explain later,” you promise. “This is something I have to do. Hopefully after this, if their leader is who I think it is, we won’t have any more problems with the Grounders.”

“But how could you possibly know who the leader is?” Octavia asks incredulously.

“I can’t explain it. Just trust me,” you plead.

Reluctantly, the group all nod and turn to head back to camp, collecting Jasper as they go. You watch them for a moment before crossing the bridge, hoping you’re not about to get yourself killed. When you walk up to Anya, rough hands grab your wrists and yank your hands behind your back, which makes your shoulder protest loudly.

“Ow! Fuck, Anya!” you complain, trying to breathe through the pain screaming through your back. You feel blood start to drip down your back once more. Hopefully you don’t faint from blood loss before you get to Lexa. “You know, I was kind of kidding when I said tie me up.”

“I do not trust you, branwada. You know Heda’s name. You should not. Heda will decide if your fight is over now,” Anya replies stiffly.

“If you’re going to insult me, you could at least do it so I can understand. And a little gratitude for saving your apprentice would be nice,” you grumble but stop struggling. Like you wouldn’t have saved your daughter anyways.

The walk is long, especially with the others riding horses. Your shoulder is still shooting pain down your back and arm, but you don’t complain. You are still slightly worried Anya would just kill you if you annoyed her too much. The hike takes _hours_. Eventually, when you trip one too many times, a little dizzy from losing blood and the shock you’ve been through, Anya growls something in their language and a warrior gets off his mount to boost you behind another soldier, and you ride the rest of the way leaning heavily into his back.

Tris keeps shooting you glances – sometimes her eyes are curious, other times confused and slightly worried. You try to give her a reassuring smile, but when you do, she quickly turns back to facing forward. Once, you see a red tint to her cheeks, and you want to laugh.

But you finally get to some kind of camp after a nearly six hour journey. The warrior pulls you off the horse roughly, and you stumble into him, your balance shot. Anya rolls her eyes and grabs your good arm, dragging you toward what appears to be the largest tent in the encampment. She leaves you just outside the entrance, surrounded by three surly guards, and disappears into the tent. You hear quiet murmurs you don’t understand.

You think you hear a familiar voice and your heart rate kicks up immediately, but it’s gone quickly and you wonder if you imagined it. You hardly dare let yourself hope that Lexa is just on the other side of this cloth. It makes you want to barge in to see, but you don’t want to get yourself killed.

Finally, Anya returns, grabs you again, and hauls you into the tent, shoving you to your knees. “Klark kom Skaikru, Heda,” she announces, backing away slightly. This gives you your first view of the interior, and there is much to see.

Candles line the tent, especially around a sturdy table that holds rolled up papers you think might be maps. A bed lies behind a sheer curtain in another section of the tent. Weapons are everywhere and in all shapes and sizes imaginable.

Last, you inspect the people. Most you don’t recognize, a couple you do, but the only one you care about is a fierce-looking slip of a girl reclined on a throne that appears to made of dozens of antlers, lazily twirling a dagger on her fingertip.


	2. Mankind Works in Mysterious Ways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke reunite after over a century.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! I greatly apologize for my absence! My life has been absolutely insane the last month. I got a new full time job, which yay. But that's an adjustment. Then I flew home to be in one of my best friends' wedding. While I was there, I ended up in the Emergency Room from a severe allergic reaction and AFTER all that, spent three days driving my car out to where I live now. So, no time for writing. Hopefully now that I'm back and getting used to my job, I'll get the creativeness flowing again. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Lexa,” you can only whisper. You struggle to your feet and take a step forward, but you’re immediately blocked by a dagger pointed at your throat. You freeze, hoping not to provoke your attacker, but you can’t take your eyes off your wife.

A dark-skinned woman – you know you remember her, but it’s hard to place the names – glares at you. “One more inch and you die,” she threatens.

“Hod op, Indra,” Lexa commands imperiously.

Indra, that’s it. You’d worked with her for a while. Before. The woman reluctantly backs away, still staring menacingly at you. Lexa rises from her throne, her eyes never leaving yours. You drink in the sight of her, trying to be discreet. She’s who you’ve been craving – the person you didn’t know you were missing. The ache in your chest that’s been present your entire life finally eases in her presence. Lexa is everything that was absent on the Ark.

“Cut her free and leave us,” Lexa orders. “Everyone out. The Skaikru cannot harm me.” Her warriors look like they want to protest, but they all obey eventually, even Anya. You want to ask for Tris to stay, not wanting her out of your sight, but you let it go for now. She’ll be safe with Anya.

Once the two of you are alone, Lexa steps down and approaches you cautiously. She crowds you, but you refuse to back down. “Our peoples are at war,” she finally begins. “Why would you risk your well-being for the safety of one of mine? A second, no less. That is not sound strategy, Klark kom Skaikru. And how have you come to know my name? Do your people spy on my own?”

A little piece of you sinks inside. Lexa doesn’t remember you. You try desperately to hold back tears, reminding yourself that you’d had no memory either until this afternoon. It had taken Tris to jar you – perhaps you can do the same for Lexa.

“There are no spies,” you inform her. “And I never wanted war, Lexa. I saved Tris because she is very important to me, and I know yours and everyone else’s names because I remember you.”

“We have never met,” Lexa denies immediately.

You shake your head. “Not in this life.” Lexa freezes, and you take that as encouragement to go on. “You told me a long time ago that you thought that we had all lived multiple lives, and in every one, you found me and I found you. Reincarnation. You promised me we’d meet again. I didn’t believe you that time, but Lexa…you were right. And I found you. I _remember_ you. The question is: do you remember me?” You bite your lip, waiting on bated breath.

Lexa’s eyes have narrowed and she’s scanning you up and down like you’re a puzzle to solve. She’s silent for so long, merely gazing at you, that you start to give up hope and you look down, beginning to back away.

Lexa’s voice stops you. “I love you more today than I did, and I’ll love you more tomorrow than I do,” she murmurs thoughtfully.

Warmth rushes through you at the familiar words from your wedding vows and your head snaps up. There’s a new softness in Lexa’s eyes as they look at you now, and you want to cry. “Lexa?”

“Clarke,” Lexa breathes on a sigh, interrupted when you throw yourself at her, the continuing agony of your shoulder entirely forgotten.

“I found you,” you sob, your love’s strong arms holding you in the air slightly. “I missed you so much.”

One hand presses into the back of your head, bringing you closer. “I did not know what I lacked, but it was you,” Lexa replies, keeping the two of you skin to skin.

You cry for a long time, pressing kisses into Lexa’s neck and soaking her shirt. Eventually, Lexa gently pulls your head up and kisses you with tears still running down both your cheeks.

Finally – finally – you tear yourself from Lexa’s arms and step back so you can see all of her. “Look at you,” you manage through a watery voice. “I live up in space for a hundred years and you turn into the commander of the last remaining humanity. I always said you were a leader.”

Lexa gives you a brief smile. “You as well, Clarke,” she compliments, and you shudder when she says your name. It’s exactly the way you remember it.

You bring your uninjured left hand up to cup her face, wanting to re-memorize every single detail. Lexa waits patiently, staring at you with the same intensity you remember from so long ago. She eventually places her hand over yours and squeezes reassuringly. You hiss in pain as your deeply bruised knuckles from when you punched Jasper decide to make themselves known.

Lexa lets go of you immediately, stepping away with fear in her eyes. “Did I harm you?” she worries. “You’re bleeding!” she notices your shoulder next.

“The hand’s my own fault for punching Jasper in his hard head,” you complain, inspecting your hand. Your three middle knuckles are mottled purple and blue, and throb steadily. “I think I broke my hand a little.”

Your – Wife? Girlfriend? Soulmate? – looks bemused. “Why did you attack your friend?” she asked. “Wait. I will call for my healer to come stitch you up. You are still bleeding – put pressure on it.” She strides purposefully to the entrance of her tent and speaks quickly in another language with the guard posted there.

“Who was the nurse in a past life and is a semi-trained healer now?” you grumble, but do as you’re told. Lexa grabs a strip of cloth on her way back to you and replaces your hand with it. “What language was that?” you ask curiously.

“Trigedasleng – the language of my people,” Lexa explains. “English is gonasleng – the language of the warriors. Nyko will be here in a few moments to clean and stitch your wound. He is the best healer in Ton DC,” she reassures you as she turns you around to inspect the deep gash in your shoulder from Jasper’s awkward shot and the hole where the bullet lodged. “How did this happen? Did one of my warriors injure you? I will kill them,” she declares.

Her vehemence startles a laugh out of you. “No, Lex. It was one of my people. Jasper. He saw your people in the trees with weapons and he panicked and shot stupidly. I saw him aiming at Tris and I stepped in front. It’s my fault, really. But I couldn’t let anything happen to her.”

“Tris,” Lexa murmurs. “She’s Anya’s second. She is our daughter? Truly?”

You nod. “She triggered me. I looked at her and I remembered everything. She made some of the ache go away.” Your traitorous eyes tear up again. “It _hurt_ , Lexa.” Your voice is choked. “Being on the Ark – in space. Being away from you. It hurt so much my entire life and I didn’t know why.”

Lexa’s arms envelope you again, and for the first time since you landed on Earth you feel safe. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs. “I’m sorry I left you alone. You’re here now, Clarke. You found me, somehow. I won’t leave you again.”

The sound of a clearing throat breaks you apart. Lexa’s face immediately settles into a cool mask as she faces the intruder. “Nyko,” she says evenly. “Come. You will stitch Clarke’s back.”

“The bullet’s still in there,” you add quickly. “Lodged up just to the left of the scapula – the angle of the shot was bad but it hit the bone and got stuck. You’ll have to remove the bullet before you can stitch it up.”

The man looks to Lexa for instructions. “Do as she says,” is Lexa’s answer.

“Sha _,_ Heda,” the man accedes, setting his small bag of supplies on a table and motioning for you to sit. Lexa follows behind you and stands nearby as you hop up onto the table.

“Heda?” you ask, curious. You ignore the surprisingly gentle fingers digging into your back as you stare at Lexa some more.

“Commander,” Lexa replies. “It is my title – what my people call me.”

Nyko is now quietly stitching up your wound as you try not to flinch. No such thing as anesthetic on the Ground. “And Anya?” you inquire. “You sent her to meet with us.”

“My fos – my mentor. Now she is my General,” Lexa explains.

“Finished, Heda _,_ ” Nyko interjects as he ties off the last thread. You breathe a sigh of relief as the uncomfortable tugging ends.

Lexa murmurs quietly to him in that – Trigedasleng – and Nyko’s eyes flicker to you before he gives a stiff nod. He quickly leaves the tent.

“What did you tell him?”

“To tell the guards that we were not to be disturbed until I gave word otherwise. And that if he spoke to anyone about what he’d witnessed in here I would give him death by a thousand cuts,” Lexa admits.

You gape at her. “You’d kill him? Why?”

“Things have changed down here, Clarke. I am Commander of a nation that can never see me as weak. I forged peace between twelve warring clans and formed one Coalition because the other leaders believed me when I said to stand apart was to be destroyed. They continue to follow me because of the Mountain and because they believe I will kill them all if they stray,” Lexa says stoically. “If I am weak, the Coalition will collapse.”

“The Mountain? You mean Mount Weather?” you ask.

Lexa stiffens. “What do you know of it?”

“When they sent us down here they told us that it had been stocked with supplies and if we wanted to survive, we would head there. But we never get far before something awful happens.”

“Clarke, you must stay away from there,” Lexa warns harshly. “Never go to Mount Weather. It is not empty. People fled there when the missiles hit a century ago and now their descendants abduct our people. No one taken to the Mountain ever returns, except as monsters. Promise me you won’t go there.”

“Okay, okay, Lexa. I promise,” you rush to agree. Lexa looks frightened for the first time since you’ve been reunited. You rub her arm soothingly as she breathes heavily from her outburst. “I’ll keep my people from going there. I’ll tell them, okay?”

Lexa nods jerkily. “Thank you, Clarke.” She leans into you, burying her face in your good shoulder. You wrap that arm around her, and based what’s she’s told you so far, you wonder how long it’s been since she relied on someone else for anything – especially comfort.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here, either,” you whisper into her controlled but still wild hair.

You feel lips press to your skin once, making you shiver. “It is not your fault, Clarke,” Lexa forgives you easily. “You were where you needed to be, even if your soul wished to be elsewhere.”

“That’s another thing I don’t get,” you mutter. “I never believed in reincarnation. I thought you were kidding that one time when you said it to me. But here we are. Logic and science tell me that when we die our bodies decay – anything we were becomes energy that is reused by the universe for something else. Souls – I don’t know. It doesn’t seem possible that they would exist. And yet…”

Lexa pushes herself straight. “And yet here you are, standing in front of me, unchanged from the day we met, if a little younger and thinner,” she teases lightly. You scoff, smacking her arm and making her laugh. But she quickly grows serious once more. “Do you remember any other lives besides the one we shared?”

You think about it for a while before shaking your head. “No, I don’t think so. Tris only triggered those memories. You?” You’re not sure you want to know the answer.

Lexa nods. “Heda’s spirit chooses a vessel after every Commander’s fight ends. I remember every lifetime since the bombs landed, beginning with Becca, the first Heda. But I have never been Lexa again until now. With you.”

“I still don’t understand how this could happen.” You shake your head. “But I am so grateful to have another chance with you. The last life wasn’t enough time for me.”

“Nor me,” Lexa agrees. “My lives without you were lonely – empty. I did not care to find someone to love, and preoccupied myself with war instead. It is only in this lifetime that I wished for peace, and I do not believe that it is coincidence that this is the life where you came back to me.”

You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. “Look at you. You’ve been saving up all that romantic stuff for a century and you’re just letting it all spill out right now. Save some for later, Lex. I’ll still love you,” you tease.

Lexa blushes and glances down awkwardly. The similarities and differences between the woman you loved so long ago and the girl standing before you are glaring but also seamlessly interwoven. You can’t wait to find out how she’s changed and you’re sure you’ll love every bit of her.

But Lexa seems to remember the outside world, and she stiffens. “Clarke, we cannot always be this – open – with each other,” she warns. “I am still Heda, and my people will not understand. They will see you as a weakness, one that I can’t afford. Especially with only a tentative truce between us. You will be in danger.”

You deflate a little. You understand – it’s not like you’re going to be able to waltz up to Raven and Octavia and tell them you were best friends in a past life over a century ago. They’d lock you up in the drop ship and never let you out. But it still hurts that Lexa is stopping this before you can even really start again.

Lexa continues before you get too mired in depressing thoughts. “However, we are each the leaders of our people. There will still be – opportunities – for us to meet privately as we work on this truce between our people.”

“Lexa, are you saying I’m just going to be your booty call?” you can’t help teasing.

The brunette looks confused for a moment before realization dawns and she blushes. “I’m sorry. Some phrases take longer to remember.” You chuckle at her embarrassment. “No, Clarke. That is not what I intended. But if we are seen together, and our people are able to reside and work together peacefully, perhaps in the future I can openly call you mine.”

“Pretty girl –” Lexa smiles shyly at your old nickname for her, “I love you. It’s okay. I think we need to get to know each other again anyways. I’m not the same person and you’ve most certainly changed. It will be good for us to go slow – that sounds so cliché,” you scoff.

Lexa presses a kiss to your forehead. “I agree,” she murmurs. “So for now, let us talk. My scouts tell me there are a hundred of you. All children.” She gestures for you to take the seat next to her throne while she sits back down.

“About seventy-five now, but yeah, we were all in prison,” you explain. “On the Ark, every crime is punishable by death unless you’re under the age of eighteen. Then they lock you up until you’re an adult, re-try you, and usually float you anyway.”

“Float?” Lexa asks bewilderedly.

You grimace. “Thrust you into space without a suit. You die within a minute. They did it to my dad.” You’re _not_ going to cry. It’s been a year.

A hand settles under your chin so you’re looking at Lexa. “I’m sorry about Jake, Clarke.”

“I guess I’m not meant to have a father, no matter the lifetime,” you try to shrug it off, but your voice cracks, and you know Lexa is not convinced.

Still, she moves on. “And why were you imprisoned?”

“Dad found a problem in the air system. They’re going to fail – soon. He wanted to tell everyone, let them try to solve the problem together and save themselves. But the Council, my mom included, kept it hushed up and floated him. I was put in solitary because I knew the secret and was going to tell people in my father’s stead.”

Lexa’s hands are gripping her throne so tightly her knuckles are white. “They kept you by yourself?” You nod cautiously. “How long were you alone, Clarke,” she grits out.

You swallow. “A year.”

This is a new part of Lexa – one you don’t recognize. A concealed rage that is almost unnoticeable, but she is showing it to you. Her green eyes blaze with anger and her muscles are rigid, her jaw clenched. “They kept you locked up – on your own – for a _year_ ,” she practically spits. “Better to have killed you than isolate you for that long.”

“Lexa, it’s okay,” you try to reassure her, but she’s not really listening to you. You get up, maneuver yourself so you’re straddling her legs, and force her face up to look at you. You drop a kiss on her lips, and only then does she relax slightly. “I’m okay, Lexa,” you whisper. “It was hard at first – being around people again. I think the overstimulation of the environment and all the people kind of overwhelmed me for a few days. But I was always a bit of a loner back up on the Ark. Everyone felt wrong. Everything was off-balance, and it was like I was the only who could tell. Nearly drove me insane. Being in solitary actually helped with that.”

“And now?” Lexa asks, still tense but calmer.

You smile and kiss her again. “You’re here. Everything about Earth feels right, even with all the violence and people dying.”

“We will ally against the Mountain. Once they are gone, and my people are returned, perhaps then there will be peace,” Lexa muses.

“So what do we do now?”

Lexa sighs. “For now, you must return to your people. I will send Anya and some guards to escort you.”

You bite your lip. “I just found you again.”

“And we will meet again soon,” Lexa promises. “But your people need you. The transition will not be easy for either group. It will take time, and we will need to discuss terms. But we’ll make this work, Clarke.”

“Okay. I should probably go back soon, then. What can I tell my people?”

“We’ll start with a ceasefire,” Lexa proposes. “I’ll send Anya and a few of my warriors back with you to stay. They can teach you how to hunt more efficiently, which plants are poisonous, and how to move through the forest. Your people walk _loudly_ , Clarke,” she teases.

You glare at her playfully. “We lived in fucking space, Lex,” you deadpan. “We’re lucky we were able to walk at all when we landed, with the loss of bone density we must have experienced.”

“You will learn,” Lexa says confidently. “Anya is a good teacher, if impatient. I will be sure to have her show you our ways.”

“I’m sure she’ll love that,” you reply sarcastically. “She doesn’t remember me nor does she trust me. She looked like she wanted to kill me when I blurted out your name.”

Lexa smiles. “Anya is protective. I will be sure to impress upon her that she is to not harm you. Her trust takes time to earn, but she is absolutely loyal once you have it. I am sure you will have no trouble gaining her trust again Clarke.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. So I’ll see you soon, then.” You don’t phrase it as a question. If she doesn’t come to you, you’re going to end up going to her.

“You will,” Lexa reassures you. “If your people are amenable to this ceasefire, I will visit within the week to discuss a stronger peace with you. But I cannot go to a camp where I am unsure of my safety. I have too many people under my charge to risk myself unnecessarily.”

You nod. “I understand. I’ll make them agree to this. Most of them accept me as in charge now – not Bellamy. It should be fine. But I’ll tell Anya if I have any doubts about you being safe. Maybe that will earn me some points with her.” You doubt it. Anya seems less willing to be pleased in this world than the last. Maybe if you can get her to spend time with Raven, she’ll remember or at least be more agreeable. “Okay – so I should go now, right?”

“That would probably be best. I will have my own explaining to do to convince Anya and Indra that this plan is the best course of action,” Lexa sighs.

You grin at your former wife. “At least they can’t challenge everything you say. You’ll kill them.”

“I cannot just kill my former mentor and her former mentor. I must at least pretend to listen to their guidance.” Lexa sounds long-suffering, and you think it’s adorable.

“Too bad,” you tut, acting disappointed. “Oh! What about Tris?” you remember suddenly. You’d been so caught up in finding your wife again, you’d briefly forgotten your daughter from another life. “I don’t want her around my people. She would be vulnerable and be someone one of the stupider delinquents might try to take advantage of.”

“I will think of something,” Lexa promises.

“Okay, good. Keep an eye on her, but be discreet. I’m off then.” You remove yourself from Lexa’s lap reluctantly. “You think Anya will agree to train us with your guys’ weapons if I get Raven to dismantle our guns?”

Lexa nods. “It would be a very wise decision for you to rid yourselves of the Maunon weapons. My people will never trust a person who carries a fayagon.”

“Alright. I’ll talk it over with her when I get back. After I convince everyone that you’re not going to slit our throats in our sleep.”

“Such tactics are cowardly,” Lexa looks offended that you would even joke about such a thing. “I would never destroy my enemy in that manner. I fight all of my battles face to face.”

You smirk. “My people will feel so much better about it, then. I’m sure they’d love to face you head on.”

“You are mocking me, Clarke.”

“Only a little.”

Lexa doesn’t look amused. “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind.”

You give her a long kiss to placate her, and she chases after your lips when you pull away slightly. “But it’s so much fun,” you whisper. Lexa frowns and tries to kiss you again, but you back off. “Uh-uh. Gotta keep you wanting more, _Heda_ ,” you tease. “As commander, I’m sure you’ve got all the girls lining up to be with you. Have to make things interesting.”

“You’re the only one I want, Clarke,” Lexa says earnestly.

“Good to know. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Not if you do not kiss me, you won’t.”

You give in, letting Lexa steal one more kiss before you back out of the tent slowly. _I love you_ , you mouth to her before you turn around to be greeted instantly with Anya’s stern face. “She – uh – the uh, Heda wants to talk to you,” you stutter. Anya is absolutely petrifying in this life, and you have no idea how to get her to like you again. Die, maybe.

Anya comes back out a few minutes later, looking as if she’d like nothing more than to kill you on the spot. “Ryder, Nyko,” she growls. You think you’re not supposed to be listening in but you can’t help that Anya is too angry to move further away before speaking with her warriors. “We are to accompany the Skai gada back to her camp and remain outside its walls until the Heda gives further instructions. Heda wishes us to train the Skai branwadas in the ways of the forest and hunting, and also teach them to use real weapons once they dispose of their Maunon weapons. We are not allowed to kill them.”

You chuckle, glad Lexa added that caveat. You’re sure Anya would have found some kind of loophole, or Bellamy or Finn will manage to piss her off enough for her to get violent. Anya spins to glare at you, and you quickly school your face into impassiveness, pretending that you hadn’t been listening. It’s difficult to get the two versions of Anya – one the protective and stand-offish Anya you remember and the other the hardened warrior you see in front of you – to coalesce in your head. They are the same person, ultimately, so you know that Anya is still in there. Perhaps she just never had reason in their past life to become the angry person you met again today.

Maybe Raven could help bring out the other side of Anya. It’s worth thinking about, anyway. Raven will be the only person able to dismantle the guns entirely safely, and Anya will probably only trust that it’s done if she sees it done herself. That could be a way to push them to interact – perhaps one of them would remember then.

“Yun sekon?” one of the men, you think Ryder, asks. “She is young yet to be based in a hostile camp.”

“Tris will remain in Ton DC,” Anya answers. “Heda has offered to oversee her training during my absence.”

You sigh in relief. Lexa will keep Tris safe, and maybe they can build some kind of relationship, if they don’t have one already. You’re not sure if anyone else will ever remember your past lives, but you have hope.

A rough hand on your good shoulder jars you out of your thoughts. “Do you mind?” you sass at Anya, who only grips tighter, making you hiss.

“We are leaving,” Anya growls. “You would be wise to pull your head out of the Sky and come back to the Ground, Skai gada.”

“Alright, alright. Just let go.” You brush off Anya’s hand.

The sound of hooves draws your attention, and you gulp when you see Ryder and Nyko leading two horses each. Nyko hands off a large black one to Anya, and she calms the prancing animal. “Hush, Rayen,” she whispers. You store away the thought that the name is _very_ similar to Raven’s to contemplate at a later time.

Ryder looks at you expectantly, holding out the reins of a gray horse, only slightly smaller than Anya’s mountain. “If you think I’m going to be able to get on that thing at all, let alone with only one arm, you’ve got another thing coming,” you say as you back away from him. When you were on the horse earlier, you’d been a little too out of it to notice. Plus, there’d been a large man to hang on to if needed. Now there will be nothing between you and the ground, and you can definitely see yourself hitting a branch and being knocked off.

“Ryder.”

Anya makes it sound like a command, and it becomes clear that it was one, because Ryder is dropping the reins for both horses and grabbing you around the waist. The next thing you know, you’re in the saddle, and the ground is way too far away. You never even rode a pony in your past life, and today is the first time you’ve even seen horses in this one. “Okay. Yeah. This is fine.” You do your best not to move an inch in the saddle and give the horse reason to throw you off. “No, I changed my mind. I don’t like this.”

“If you do not ride, then you will walk. And we will leave you behind after which you will get lost. Some animal will kill you and then I will have to explain to Heda why I allowed the stupid girl to die,” Anya drawls. “You stay on the horse.”

“Alright, alright. I stay on the horse,” you repeat, rolling your eyes. “Such a drama queen,” you mutter under your breath.

The ride back to the dropship is long, but much faster than when you were walking. Anya remains stonily silent the entire way, glaring as if the forest offended her. “Is Tris okay?” you ask hesitantly after a while. Maybe you can appeal to Anya through the fact that you did save her apprentice.

Anya stiffens. “My sekon is stronger than you, Skai gada, and not in need of your concern,” she growls.

Maybe not. You ride the rest of the way to camp in silence.


	3. Call the Past for Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to wrangle the rest of the delinquents and Raven and Anya meet again.

“Clarke! Guys, Clarke’s back!” Miller yells from the fence surrounding the dropship.

A loud murmur starts up, and soon kids are filling the platform of the fence, although you can’t help but notice the gate remains firmly shut.

“Look! Horses!”

“And Grounders!”

“Where’s Bellamy?”

“Clarke, are you okay?”

The last shout comes from Finn, and you roll your eyes. Now you know why you never wanted to be around him. Thank god for feelings leftover from your past life. You might have wanted to shoot yourself if you’d slept with Finn as he so clearly still wants to do, despite already having been caught trying to cheat on Raven. Apparently some things never change.

The four of you get off the horses and you get ready to break the news of the ceasefire to the rest of the delinquents. But then Bellamy is up there, gun in hand and pointed straight at Anya. And for the second time in one day, you find yourself stepping into the direct line of fire. “Bellamy Blake, put that down,” you order, putting as much strength into your words as you can.

“Why did you bring Grounders here, Clarke?” Bellamy asks harshly. “When did you get so chummy with them?” He doesn’t move the gun an inch.

Anya’s fidgeting behind you, and you just know she wants to reach for her sword. “Let me handle this,” you whisper to her. Thankfully, Anya listens for the moment. “The Grounders’ Commander and I have reached an agreement,” you raise your voice. “Despite the show of violence on our part,” you throw a nasty glare at Bellamy, “she has agreed to a ceasefire. Anya, Ryder, and Nyko are here to help us learn how to survive in the forest. They’ll teach us what is safe to eat, how to hunt. The only condition of this ceasefire is that we dismantle our firearms and give them up, after which Anya and her men will show us how to use their own weapons.”

A nervous muttering starts up, and you’re worried that you’re losing them. “Bellamy, I’ve already been shot once today because you decided to give a gun to a nervous kid,” you yell. “I would like to avoid getting shot another time if I can help it.”

“Guys, open the damn gate!” You’re relieved by Octavia’s shout. At least someone is listening. Octavia shoves Bellamy’s arm and gun down, and you relax slightly.

You turn back to Anya, who’s staring at you like you confuse her. It’s a step up from looking like she wants to eviscerate you, and you’ll take it. “It’ll be safer for you guys to set up outside of camp for a while, I think,” you suggest. “I’ll convince them to go along with this, and then bring you in.”

“We are in agreement,” Anya says, surprising you and you think herself. “But know that I do not trust you, Skai gada.”

“Well your Heda trusts me to follow the terms of our ceasefire, so I guess what you have to ask is whether you trust her,” you reply.

Anya grits her teeth, but nods sharply. She barks out an order in Trigedasleng, and she and the other warriors melt into the trees just as Octavia and Raven make it out of the gates and rush over to you. “Hey, you okay?” Raven asks, pulling you into a hug that jars your injured shoulder.

“Yeah,” you hiss. “Their Commander had me fixed up before she sent me back.”

“If the Commander is so chill and willing to deal, how come she attacked us in the first place?” Octavia asks, ever the suspicious one. “And I still don’t understand how you knew her name.”

You shrug. “I overheard the kid say it on the bridge. Anya didn’t seem to like that, so I assumed it was someone important and hoped Anya would be surprised enough to agree. Then Jasper decided to go cowboy, and I guess Anya thought that since I saved her apprentice, I was worth the time.” It’s a blatant lie, but how are you going to explain to your friends that Commander of the Grounders is your soulmate from a past life and her best friend is now her General and her General’s second is your former daughter.

“So hot murder-chick’s name is Anya, huh?” Raven muses.

You try to contain a smile. Raven will either make this job of getting Anya’s trust very easy or impossible, depending on how she decides to act. “Yes, and you’re going to be hanging out with her for a while.”

“Can’t say I’m complaining, but why?”

“Because you’re the one who knows how to dismantle the guns, and she’s not going to trust that they’re gone unless she sees it done and then gets rid of them herself,” you say.

Octavia decides to jump in. “Hold on. You’re saying we just hand ourselves over to them and trust that they won’t kill us in our sleep? I’m not buying it that’s crazy.”

“You trust Lincoln, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but –”

“Lincoln went to Anya. So he must trust her to be fair. And I’ve spoken with the Commander. I believed her when she swore that as long as we got rid of the guns and showed no violence towards their clan, that we would be safe,” you cajole. “Trust me on this, O. I need you. You and Raven.”

Octavia hesitates. “Fine. I’m with you. I don’t know what Bellamy’s going to say though.”

“Well someone’s just going to have to remind Bellamy that we shot first on that bridge because of the gun _he_ gave Jasper, and we’re lucky any of else are still alive,” you tell her firmly. “Now Raven. Tomorrow, I want you to take all the guns apart. I’ll gather them from the kids tonight. Anya doesn’t like me so much so I’m going to keep my distance but I’ll keep an eye on you.”

“Hot murder-chick hates your guts so I have to hang out with her by myself?” Raven scoffs. “I got the short end of that stick, didn’t I? At least she’s great to look at.”

“You’ll be fine, Raven.”

Raven chuckles. “I’m damn fine, Griffin, and I know it. What I’m worried about is whether or not I’ll be safe.”

“Oh my _god_ , Raven.”

* * *

You watch Raven and Anya together from a safe distance, not wanting to provoke the angry Grounder. At least it appears that her anger is not solely aimed at you – it seems as though Anya hates all of you delinquents equally, with the exception being Raven. To your utter lack of surprise.

Anya is acting almost – _civil_ , with Raven. She’s been watching Raven work on the guns you’d collected the night before for the past couple of hours, and she still seems to be interested. She refuses to touch any part of the guns, still, but that isn’t an issue. Anya just needs to see that you can keep your word and uphold this ceasefire.

“Okay, all done,” Raven’s voice interrupts your thoughts. “See? Told you it was simple. Taking things apart is even easier than putting them together, and I’m the best damn mechanic on the planet.”

“And these will not be able to fire the Maunon’s cursed bullets?” Anya asks doubtfully.

Raven shakes her head. “Nah. Look. This casing is what holds the bullets, and I’ve removed it from the body of the gun. And this here,” she holds up a strange looking piece of metal, “this is an inner piece of the gun that’s required for the actual firing mechanism to function. Without those two bits, presto chango, no working guns. Here.”

She tries to hand the pieces to Anya, but the warrior stiffens and shoves Raven’s hands away. “I will not touch them! Any Trikru to hold a Maunon fayagon is doomed a painful death! Are you trying to curse me, Skai gada?” she accuses angrily.

Raven places the parts of the gun back on the stump she has been using as a work bench and holds her hands out placatingly. You prepare to step in and defuse the situation if necessary, but then Raven speaks. “Easy there, Chuck Norris,” she murmurs. “Clarke told me to let you dispose of the guns as you saw fit, so that your people could be sure none of us knew where they were. I’m sure she didn’t know about your belief, nor did I.” She pauses for a moment and you hold your breath, hoping Raven can figure out a way to calm Anya. “They’re not really guns anymore either, so I think you would be safe, but if I find some rags or something to wrap them up in, do you think you can carry them safely that way?”

You can see Anya thinking it over and you will her to agree. Your people _need_ this alliance, and you need Lexa. You can’t have one without the other.

“That would be acceptable.” Anya gives a short, decisive nod. “Thank you, Raven of the Skai.”

Relief washes through you as you watch Raven give Anya a happy grin and jog off to find some cloth. She’s back soon enough with her spoils – shirts you’re pretty sure have owners that are unaware of their requisition. Raven begins wrapping up the parts of the guns, shoving them into the pack Anya hands over.

“I have a question, Skai girl,” Anya states, a bit hesitant. You can’t help but grin. Raven’s already working her magic on the older woman, and even if they don’t remember, you can tell it won’t be long before at least Anya is as in love with the other girl as she was in your past life. Raven probably won’t be far behind.

“Fire away, Jackie Chan,” Raven mutters absently, concentrating on her task.

“That is the second time you have called me something not my name or title. What is this – Chuck Norris and Jackie Chan?” The names sound odd coming from Anya’s mouth, and you have to hold back a chuckle that would definitely give away your position to the general.

Raven is free to laugh though, and does. “They were – fighters – from before the old world went boom,” she explains, still grinning, “and pretty badass, not unlike yourself. It seemed apt.” She holds out the now filled pack to Anya.

Anya nods as she gingerly takes the bag, considering. “It is good to be compared to strong warriors,” she muses. “Mochof, Raven. For both your assistance and the compliment.” She bows her head respectfully. You raise your brows. If Raven can keep working her magic, getting Anya on your side is going to be easier than you thought.

“Does – mochof – mean thanks? ‘Cause you’re welcome. What’s the word for that?”

“Pro.”

“Well, ‘pro’ then, Anya. You should teach me more of that speak. It sounds tight. And it was my pleasure to hand over all of our protection, as long as you don’t abandon us to mutated wolves or anything,” Raven says.

A ghost of a smile crosses Anya’s face. “Mutts are more often found in Azgeda lands. Here you must worry about overgrown bears and pauna.”

“What’s a pauna?” Raven struggles over the word.

“Something you should hope to never see.”

Raven scoffs. “So comforting.”

You take the moment of levity to make yourself known to the pair. “All set?” you ask Raven, even though you already know the answer.

“Yep!” Raven replies cheerfully. “The guns are good to go whenever you’re ready Anya.”

Anya dips her head in a nod. “Mochof, Klark kom Skai kru,” she practically growls, like it hurts coming out of her mouth. She grabs the bag and melts into the forest, off to parts unknown.

You shake your head. Any progress with that woman is going to be snail like.

“She _really_ doesn’t like you,” Raven notes. “What stick you shove up her ass to piss her off?”

“The Commander told me that Anya is her former teacher and like her only family, and thus very protective,” you explain. “Also I think Anya’s personally offended that I tried to protect her on the bridge. She’s scary good at holding a grudge.”

You’re glad when Raven decides to not jump on the mention of Lexa. You can tell she’s curious still about how you were able to set up these tentative beginnings of peace, but it seems that she and Octavia have decided to give you the benefit of the doubt for now, which you are grateful for. “Well I’m already _miles_ ahead of you on her like meter,” she brags.

You roll your eyes. “Yes, I’m aware, Raven. Have Monty oversee the fire with some others. I’m sure Octavia, Miller, Harper, and Monroe will be hungry when they get back from their training.”

Ryder had taken the four teens out for warrior training with swords and spears while Raven dismantled the guns. Nyko is off teaching another small group of kids about the various plants surrounding them and their uses, whether as food, medicine, or weapon. Lincoln had taken a few others to learn how to hunt, and hopefully your people will be able to cook their kill when they got back. They would all return around sunset, if all went to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can be found at fairytaleslayer on Tumblr, and my anon button is now working if you want to talk to me that way.


	4. Redeem Me Into Childhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke meet again and Clarke remembers someone important

You watch appreciatively as the Delinquents talk and laugh over their dinner of roast deer and some kind of starchy root that reminds you of what potatoes were supposed to taste like. The seventy-five of you have eaten better in the last week than you ever did on the Ark, and you can see spirits rising. The kids are much more accepting of the Grounders now, eagerly learning as much as possible in order to thrive, seizing this second chance with both hands. Even Bellamy has begrudgingly gone on some hunting lessons with Lincoln, the change in power not lost on him.

The kids all look to you now for decisions, shunting Bellamy to the side. The older boy often looks simultaneously relieved and pissed at not being consulted on leadership. You think maybe it would be wise of you to not exclude him entirely right away, but you don’t trust him anymore, not with the decisions he’s made in regards to the Trikru, so you’ve taken up sole leadership, meeting with Raven and Octavia instead when you have questions. Never have you missed Wells’ steady guidance more than when you are faced with a knotty problem that reminds you of a chess board. He was always a better strategist than you.

You have also taken part in weapons training, and you find that Ryder is much more patient than Anya – a willing teacher more likely to encourage his students after mistakes than insult them. Finn the scumbag – God you wish you didn’t remember him, what a mistake dating _him_ was – tried once to invade your personal space and correct a move that you were already doing _perfectly_ , and you knocked him on his ass with the hilt of your sword as payback. You could have sworn you saw Ryder holding back a smile in his beard after the incident. You remind yourself to tell Lexa about it. She’ll certainly be gleeful. Finn was absolutely one of her least favorite people in your old life, and she won’t be pleased to hear that he too has made a reappearance.

Since things seem to be going fairly well at the moment, you walk over to where Anya is staring broodily into the fire. “Hei, General,” you greet carefully. Octavia’s taught you some Trigedasleng the last week. Just some basic stuff, but at least you’re not totally clueless anymore and maybe you can impress Lexa with your new knowledge when she visits. “Any thoughts on when the Commander should come and see what’s been going on? Because I think things have settled down pretty well the last week, and maybe she and I can talk over the next terms. If you think it’s safe of course,” you rush to add, not wanting to seem like you have something sinister planned.

To your complete surprise, Anya nods. “A messenger came yesterday, and I sent him back to Ton DC with word that we were ready for Heda." Her words shock you.

“Oh. Was kind of expecting a fight on that one,” you mutter to yourself. “Well, great. When should she get here?” Shit, that sounded too eager. Now Anya’s looking suspiciously at you again.

“I still do not trust you, Klark kom Skaikru,” she growls. “However, I sense no threat from your branwada people, nor from you,” she relents. “But know that I will be watching you closely and if you so much as chew wrong near Heda, I will kill you without regret.”

You nod quickly at the warning. “Sure thing. Good talk. Raven!” you call for your friend gladly when she stops by the fire to warm her hands. “Keep Anya company for me will you?” The two women have bonded in the last week, Anya often spending time at Raven’s workbench when she’s not snarling her way through lessons with the rest of the Delinquents. You’re glad that their relationship seems to be evolving, although the one between the two of you still needs a lot of work, apparently.

“Heda will arrive tomorrow morning,” Anya answers your earlier question, her eyes softening as they watch Raven sit down next to her.

“What’s up, Rocky?” Raven greets. Her knowledge of old martial arts movies is apparently endless – luckily Anya doesn’t seem put off by the many nicknames. You take the opportunity Raven gives you and retreat while you and Anya are on fairly civil terms.

* * *

You fidget impatiently outside the gates of the dropship camp. Raven and Octavia are giving you weird looks, but you can’t help it. Lexa should be arriving any minute, and eleven days without seeing her have left you feeling a bit desperate. You can’t believe that – past lives or not – two hours were enough time to make you so entirely dependent on the presence of another person. But then you can see several horses through a break in the trees, and you don’t care because your heart lifts and flutters and you’re a little bit worried you’re having a heart attack.

Anya quickly makes her way over to the lead horse, speaking in rapid fire Trigedasleng you can’t possibly understand. You don’t need to, though, because there’s Lexa – your Lexa. She’s in the lead, with a still angry looking Indra – you don’t remember her being that continually angry when you worked for her in your past life – along with a few others you don’t recognize, including a huge, burly man with a large beard that looks like he could snap you in half and not break a sweat.

During your musing, Lexa has come to a stop in front of you. “Klark kom Skaikru,” she greets formally.

“Heda.” You nod respectfully up at her. Anya had growled instructions on properly greeting the Commander after she’d dragged you out of bed at dawn this morning. “Welcome to the dropship.”

“I trust my warriors have been instructing you to the best of their ability.”

You can just feel Anya’s hot glare digging into the side of your head, daring you to say any different. “Yes, Heda. We are extremely grateful for their assistance over the last few days. I know that my people feel safer with your warriors’ guidance.”

Lexa swiftly and easily brings her horse around, which you’re keeping a safe distance from. Some of the kids, Harper and Monroe particularly, are fascinated by the large animals, but you like them less every time you get near one. “Anya, settle the warriors in and give them assignments with Ryder and Lincoln on training the Skai Kru for the day.” Seeing Lexa be all commanding kind of makes you want to jump her bones. “After, join me and Klark. I believe we have much to discuss about the future of our agreement. My attendants have erected my tent a fair distance away. Would you accompany me, Klark?” She looks only at you, as if fifty other people weren’t surrounding you.

“Of course, Heda.” You try to hold back a smile, not wanting to tip off anyone as to your plans for Lexa once you get her alone. Octavia has already given you enough strange looks the past week and a half.

It takes some silent convincing from Lexa, but you worm your way onto a spare horse. Lexa leads the way, with the large man following at her shoulder and you off to the side a bit, not wanting to crowd the man who has a very tight hold on his sword hilt. You all come to a tent not too far away, only a few minutes ride but enough distance that you doubt any Skaikru could find it on their own. A safety precaution for Lexa, you know. Two guards stand at the opening and stiffen up as Lexa walks past them without a word. You move to follow, but a rough hand on your shoulder whirls you around.

“Look at her wrong, and I’ll slit your throat,” he threatens.

You look back at him steadily, trying to seem unfazed. “Klark, come in.” Lexa’s call interrupts the staring contest you’ve suddenly engaged this frightening man in. “The Sky leader and I require privacy, Gustus.” The man, Gustus, grimaces. You tear yourself away from the warrior’s gaze, and let yourself into the tent without further incident. You’re glad when he makes no move to follow you, obeying his Heda’s order. Lexa is standing by a table, waiting for you. Her soft smile says more than you could hope, and you rush to throw your arms around her, happy at the immediate reciprocation.

“You’ve done so well, Klark,” Lexa’s praise warms you. The past month, the last year – your entire life, really – has been hell, meeting Lexa again the shining beacon of hope, and you’re so glad to be back in her arms.

“I missed you,” you murmur into her neck, nuzzling in deeper. “I don’t want to leave you for that long again. Please don’t make me.”

You can feel Lexa shake her head as she holds you closer. “I swear it. To the best of my ability, I will remain at your side.”

Lexa lets you go grudgingly when you pull back, but you’re just adjusting so you can press a kiss to her lips. Your wife absolutely _melts_ into this new embrace, reacquainting herself with what you both like best in a kiss. Eventually, it proves too much for you, and you press against Lexa harder, forcing her back into the table. She gasps when the edge digs into tender skin, so you grab the backs of her thighs and lift her onto the table, armor and all.

Not once have you broken the kiss since the two of you began, taking breaths whenever you change angles. You lean forward, forcing Lexa to tilt until her back rests against the tabletop. The need for her is overwhelming, and you follow her down and press into her harder, opening up her mouth to lick inside.

Lexa’s moan at your actions sends a shiver through you, and you can feel wetness start to gather in your pants. You’re sure Lexa is in no better shape. Just as you are reaching for the button of your jeans, Gustus’ voice interrupts you. “Heda, Anya is here. As you requested.”

You whine, not wanting to let Lexa go.

“We must speak with her, Klark,” Lexa says reluctantly. “Anya is liaison between your people and myself. If we are to move forward with this alliance, I need her input.”

“Fine,” you sigh, letting Lexa go and righting yourself. You help her off the table and fix her clothes so they sit straight. “But once we’ve figured out this whole alliance thing and dealt with the mountain, you’re not leaving your bed for three days.”

Lexa blushes at the implication, giving you a quick kiss. “Enter,” she calls out once she’s a respectable distance from your side, the table between you two. Anya flings the tent flaps out of her way, and if you weren’t so nervous around her, you’d laugh at her dramatics. “Anya,” Lexa greets easily. “Klark and I have discussed some possibilities of the Trigeda future with these Skai kru. What is your opinion? You have spent the most time with them.”

Anya shoots a look at you. “The branwada are slow, loud, and many of them stupid,” she says bluntly. You bristle at the insults, but Anya continues, if reluctantly. “However, they have followed through on Klark’s promises,” she admits. “All fayagon have been dismantled by Raivon and disposed of by me, and several of the Skaikru learn our ways eagerly. Some show potential, including Okteivia. Her brother, Belomi, I do not trust, but he has been removed from leadership by Klark. With enough training, the goufa could become part of our kru.”

Your brows raise in surprise. Who knew Anya had it in her to be positively complimentary; in her own way, sure, but still. You’re shocked that Anya’s actually agreeing that your people could be of use and accepted by Lexa’s.

Lexa nods thoughtfully. “Thank you your input, General. Show what you have been teaching the Skai children to Indra. I want her to begin instruction as well, and to perhaps choose a few to take back with her to Ton DC for more extensive training. Klark and I have more to discuss before I depart.”

Anya bowed her head in acknowledgement and swept out of the tent.

“You’re leaving again?” you ask worriedly. Lexa _just_ promised she wouldn’t leave.

Lexa moves around the table to cup your face in her palms, and you lean into her unconsciously. “For only a brief time, love,” she says, kissing you reassuringly. “I must meet with the generals of the other clans – inform them that war against your people is no longer necessary and send them home – and collect Tris to return her to Anya. It seems that your people are not currently a threat. But I will return, and we’ll speak about moving the Skaikru to the surrounding villages. I don’t want to place too much strain on Ton DC by giving Indra dozens of untrained almost adults to feed and care for. That will only breed resentment for your people.”

You nod, understanding Lexa’s reasoning. The Delinquents probably won’t be happy to be separated, but you’ll make them deal with it and try not to split up anyone who’s super close, like Monty and Jasper. “Speaking of resentment,” you hesitate. “Finn.” Lexa immediately stiffens. “He’s here.”

“That joken branwada,” your wife growls. “Has he touched you? Ai na _rip_ of steiks-de kom em joken klaka.”

“Okay, I have no idea what you just said, but you need to calm down, Lex,” you break in hastily. Lexa responds by snarling and throwing a water jug at a tent pole, shattering it loudly. You wince at the noise.

“Heda?” Gustus calls from outside, breaking Lexa out of her anger.

Lexa takes a deep breath. “Osir ogud, Gustus,” she replies. But she continues to pace, muttering what you think are probably threats to Finn’s life in her language.

While you would have no problem with Finn being removed from your life, he probably shouldn’t be killed. No matter how uncomfortable he makes you, and what he tried to do with you while still with Raven, he is still the boy that saved Raven’s life over and over when they were children, and without him, you might not have your best friend back in this life. So you owe him that much. “Lexa, pretty girl, look at me.” You try to take her arm, but Lexa just jerks away, still steaming. “Lexa!” You grab her by both shoulders and spin her to face you. Lexa stiffens in surprise, but then you’re kissing her, and she melts, just like before. You move away from her lips to kiss each cheek, the tip of her nose, each closed eyelid, and finally, her forehead. You plant one more soft kiss on her lips, then lean back. Lexa tries to follow you, but you place a hand on her chest, holding her still. “I never let him touch me, pretty girl,” you swear. “Even beat him up pretty good in a sword fight yesterday when he tried to give me ‘pointers’.”

Lexa smiles at your proud smirk, finally calm. “Moba, Klark,” she murmurs. “I did not mean to lose my temper.”

“It’s okay, Lex. He’s still a douche. But I can handle him, don’t worry about me.”

“I’m always going to worry about you, Klark.” Lexa noses into the skin of the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent and making you shudder. She leans back up, grinning at your reaction.

You roll your eyes and shove at her shoulder. Lexa just chuckles. “You mentioned Tris,” you remember. “How is she? Does she remember anything about us?” You hate to get your hopes up, but she’s your daughter.

Lexa looks uncomfortable for a moment, and you’re confused. Your wife appears to be trying to find a way to phrase something, and it’s starting to worry you. “Clarke, is there someone else, maybe, that you remember?”

You tilt your head, trying to think of who Lexa could mean. “Should there be? I don’t –”

“Aiden.”

That one name is enough to make you freeze. New memories come flooding in, Aiden – your beautiful boy – filling the empty spaces you didn’t know were there. You gasp, tears springing to your eyes. “Oh, my god,” you sob. How could you not remember your boy? “How – where –”

“Shh,” Lexa quickly puts her arms around you in comfort. “It’s okay, Clarke. It’s not your fault. Aiden is safe, in Polis – my capital. He is one of my apprentices, one of the children learning to take over as Heda, and by far my most promising pupil.”

“I’m sorry,” you choke out. You grasp at her arms, begging for an explanation, understanding, you’re not sure what. “Why didn’t I remember him? How could I not remember him? Does he look the same? How old is he?” Questions pour out of you unrelenting, desperate for answers.

Lexa hushes your ramble. “He looks just the same,” she reassures you. “It takes several helpers to keep his hair in its braids.” You chuckle wetly at that. “He is thirteen, the same age as Tris. They are friends, actually, and often train together when Anya is in Polis.”

You didn’t know your heart could physically ache with affection, but it is doing so right now. Despite everything, and changing circumstances, your children are still friends. They found each other again, just as you found their mother. “Is he okay?”

“Sha,” Lexa nods. “He is the leader of the rest of my apprentices, and they look to him for guidance when I am not present. Aiden is growing up very well, Clarke.”

“Why couldn’t I remember him, though?” you whisper. You should have remembered your son, of all people.

“I have been thinking about it since last we met, and I have a theory,” Lexa answers. “You were around your parents and Wells your whole life, but didn’t remember. Then you met Raven and Octavia, and then Anya, and you still didn’t. Tris is who triggered your memories – your daughter. And then you remembered everyone, but not Aiden. I think it took a deep bond, more than perhaps your parent, but your child, to prompt the memories. And then your spouse as well, as you were enough to cause me to remember.”

You nod your way through Lexa’s explanation, but hit a snag. “But Aiden never prompted you before, and you’ve been around him and Tris for years,” you point out.

“Think of the situation you were in. You were trying to stop a war from starting and you felt threatened. Perhaps stress or adrenaline is a factor,” Lexa surmises. “Polis is where I am most at home, the one place I can marginally relax. That may be why Aiden never triggered me before.”

That makes a modicum of sense. “And then I only remembered anyone I had seen before,” you mused. “Everyone else, I’ll either have to meet them again or have them brought up. I don’t like mysteries,” you complain.

Lexa gives you a small smile. “There is someone here you never met in your past life,” she mentioned, growing a bit hesitant.

You perk up, curious. “Oh yeah? Who?”

“Gustus.”

“Who was he?”

Lexa gulps. “My father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I really love dad!Gustus. It's a thing for me and I just want to show him really loving Lexa because the poor kid needs it.  
> Also, general rules for people remembering if it wasn't super clear:  
> 1\. It takes a close familial or romantic relationship (ie between you and your child or your spouse) in combination with a really stressful or adrenaline inducing event after. So Clarke stressing about trying to stop a war and then confronted with her daughter was enough to trigger her memories.  
> 2\. You only remember those people from your past life you have actually seen in your current life. Hence, Clarke remembered Raven but didn't remember Aiden.  
> 3\. The only exception, Clarke remembers Lexa without ever having seen her because they're soulmates. Duh.  
> Hope that makes sense, and if I break one of those rules, I apologize in advance.


	5. You Receive on What You Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke tries to get in Gustus' good graces with limited success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short one today but the next couple will be longer.

“Gustus? You mean – tall, dark and scary out there that threatened to slit my throat half an hour ago? He’s your dad?” You don’t mean to sound rude, but it’s a little difficult to imagine Lexa coming from someone as intimidating as Gustus is.

Your wife sighs. “Not in this life. I was given over to the last Heda’s care when I was two to train to become the next Heda. But in our last life, Gustus was my father. Now, he is my protector, my guard. He has been with me since before my ascension,” Lexa explains.

You hadn’t recognized Gustus. Didn’t remember him. How could you? When Lexa had been in foster care, she’d told you in your past life, her asshole murderer of a foster father had found the few pictures Lexa had managed to hang onto of her parents and had burned them one afternoon while she was at school. Lexa spent hours crying into your shoulder that night after telling you the story, mourning the loss of her parents once again. “And your mother?”

Lexa shakes her head. “I do not know what has become of her.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Lexa denies. “Whoever or wherever she is, I could not seek her out even if I knew. She is safer this way, if she’s still alive. As my parents in this life are safer without me contacting them. They were moved to live with the Floukru as soon as I became Heda.”

Hearing how Lexa has had to distance herself from everyone she loves devastates you. Your Lexa is so compassionate and soft, and this hardened exterior she shows the world now you know is not her true self. “I _am_ sorry,” you insist. “You’ve been through so much, had to sacrifice so much of yourself, and you’re so strong, Lex. You are a good Heda, and I’m sure your people must look up to you with awe at what you’ve accomplished in this life. I’m so proud of you, pretty girl.”

Lexa swallows hard, and you can see her try to reel in her emotions, replace the cool mask she wears as Heda. But a tear slips down her cheek anyway. You give her a soft smile before you kiss away the tear, pulling her in for a tight hug. Lexa clings to you like you are everything for a moment, and you wait for the crying to start in earnest, but no more tears fall. Instead, Lexa backs away a moment later, calm once again. However, you can see in her eyes her gratitude and love, and that’s enough for you. “Thank you, Clarke,” she whispers. “For everything you have done to make sure this peace becomes a reality, and for finding me.”

“Anytime, pretty girl,” you joke, trying to lighten the mood. “Just call me moral support. You think I can get Gustus to like me?”

Lexa looks amused. “You are welcome to try, but he is very protective of me. He will probably not appreciate the effort.”

“I’m great with parents,” you boast. “Charmed my old girlfriend’s back on the Ark in minutes, which is only slightly less time than that relationship lasted.”

You can see Lexa trying to decide is she should be jealous or entertained by the thought of you being in another relationship. “And how long did that relationship last?”

“About two days. We were thirteen. But her parents loved me.”

Lexa cracks a smile. Amusement has won over. “As much as I would love to hear more about your conquests, we do have business to discuss,” she changes the subject reluctantly.

You’re confused. “I thought we figured out most of it,” you whine. You wanted to kiss your wife some more before she left again.

“Most of it, yes. But not all,” Lexa reminds you, business-like. “I would like a few of your people to travel to Ton DC with my party. Allow some of my civilians to get familiar with your kru. And if we could develop some way to pass word along quickly, that would be most helpful. If something urgent comes up, I do not want to waste time sending a messenger back and forth when trouble comes. My people will not touch Maun de tek, do you have an idea for that?”

You resign yourself to focusing. “Well, Raven’s still a mechanical genius. I’m sure she could figure out how to fix up a couple of radios for you and me,” you say. “And I don’t see why some of the others can’t go along to Ton DC with her. Volunteers only, though. Some of my people, especially the smaller ones, are still scared of anything new. My youngest are only twelve and thirteen and they’ve been forcibly separated from their parents, flung down from space in a hundred year old rocket ship, and had wild things attack them here on Earth. They’re a bit skittish. But if some want to go, they’re all yours.”

“Good,” Lexa nods. “Good. Thank you, Clarke.”

You smile, reaching for Lexa’s hand and kissing the back of it, which makes Lexa blush slightly. She clears her throat and tries to act stoic, but you see right through her. “I need this to work just as much as you, Lexa,” you remind her. “Both for the benefit of my people, and for me. I’m with you – no matter what.”

Lexa surges forward, and this time, she’s the one to pin you against the table. You moan as her tongue slips into your mouth, and you kiss Lexa hard. You may not have known what you were missing for eighteen years, but you sure are going to make up for time lost as quickly as possible. You grab a fistful of her gorgeous hair – god, you love her hair – and pull her as close to your body as you can, holding her against you. Lexa gets the message, and puts her hands on your hips, gripping tightly.

The two of you are lost in your own world for more than a few minutes, but eventually, Lexa pulls away reluctantly. You whine, trying to get her to come back, but Lexa stands firm. “Love, if we are going to accomplish anything of importance today, we must go.”

You sigh, forcing yourself to let her go. “When this is all over, you are taking me to whatever place you call home, and we are not leaving it for a month,” you say firmly. Your previous requirement of three days won't be enough time for you.

Lexa laughs quietly. “Not even if there was peace between all the clans could I take a month away from my duties, Clarke,” she retorts, giving you a fond smile. “But a few days – that I will promise. When there is peace.”

“So we better get started on that.”

“Agreed.” Lexa leads the way out and walks over to where her horse and the animal you rode are tied.

Gustus is still standing by the tent flap when you walk out, and you do your best not to flinch away when you see his hulking figure out of the corner of your eye. “Hei, Gustus,” you greet hesitantly. This man was once Lexa’s father. And you know Lexa still thinks of him as such. You want to get on his good side, and no matter your boasting to Lexa, this has to go well.

The man just glares at you, which is not a good start.

“Okay, look,” you say quietly, not wanting Lexa to overhear. “I know things were a bit rocky to begin with, and my people landed here with no warning and we’re basically invaders. I know that. And I know your first duty is to protect Lexa – that’s my priority as well. I don’t mean any harm to Lexa, or any of your people,” you insist. “Lexa – she’s – what she’s done here, it’s amazing. No one from our home could have done what she has. She’s so special, and I know you know that, but I see it too. I won’t let anyone hurt her, if I can help it,” you swear. “I won’t let this alliance hurt her.”

You can see Gustus soften microscopically at your words, but the hard look remains. “I trust actions, Skai leader, not promises,” he replies gruffly. “We shall see if your true intent matches your pretty words soon enough.”

“We will.” You don’t break eye contact, wanting Gustus to see your sincerity.

“Klark,” Lexa calls to you from where she holds the reins of her horse and the one you’ve been riding. “It is time we return.”

“Coming, Heda,” you answer. You sigh when you get near the horse – your legs are sore from training and riding this morning has not helped. And the animal is just. _So_ tall. “You Grounders make it look so easy,” you mutter, working up the courage to get back on.

Two interlaced hands appear in front of you, placed at knee height, and you look in shock at Gustus standing next to you, offering help with a stoic mask. You hesitantly place your knee into his cupped hands, and Gustus lifts you with ease into the saddle.

“Mochof,” you thank him sincerely.

“Pro,” he grunts, vaulting onto his own mount and taking his place directly behind Lexa’s right shoulder.

You guide your horse – awkwardly – around to Lexa’s left. “Told you I’d win him over,” you boast in a whisper, smug.

Lexa gifts you with a tiny, almost non-existent smile that you know, in her Heda mask, is the same as the blinding ones she gives you in private. You try to contain your own grin. Today has been a great day – you got to see Lexa again and have not one, but two make out sessions, you’ve hammered out some more concrete plans for this alliance, and you’ve made some progress with her father.

 _Not bad,_ you congratulate yourself.


	6. The First Rock Thrown Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People just have to stick their noses where they don't belong.

“Hey, Raven, a word?” you call her over from where she’s hanging out with Anya.

She jogs over. “Sup, Princess?”

“How would you feel about traveling to the Trikru village, Ton DC, and staying there for a few days?” you inquire. “The Commander has some business to take care of, and she expressed a wish to have a means of quicker communication. Radios, for example. Only if you want to, though.” You want to make sure that no on feels obligated or forced to do something they don’t want to, within reason. This is not a monarchy you’re running. It’s not even an oligarchy. You learned how poorly those work back on the Ark, and you have no wish to replicate it down on Earth.

“Sure,” Raven agrees easily, to your relief. “Out of curiosity, who – uh – who else would be going on this trip, per chance?”

You know exactly who she’s asking about rather un-mysteriously. But you’re not going to be that accommodating. “The Commander, of course. Her guards, and I think a few other of our people if they are interested.” You spot Octavia having what appears to be a serious talk with Indra, although it seems more like Indra is either criticizing or something similar, and Octavia is scowling but looking proud at the same time. “Octavia might be one such person,” you nod over at the younger girl.

Raven glances at your mutual friend, the same proud look on her face. “Yeah, some jerk was having too much fun pushing O around and into the dirt – not really ‘training’ her like Anya ordered them to. O finally lost her temper. She still got shoved into the dirt, but she walloped the guy pretty good first. That freaky woman over there looked vaguely impressed,” Raven explains. “But back on topic. Is that everyone that would go to Ton DC?”

“ _Anya_ ,” you emphasize teasingly, “will be staying here, under the Commander’s orders. Apparently she’s gained a position as liaison between our people in addition to being one of Lexa’s most trusted generals.”

Raven’s disappointment quickly turns to a sly grin. “Lexa, huh?” she asks suggestively. “You and the leader of all Earth sure have been buddy-buddy right from the get-go. Anything you want to tell me, Clarke?”

You roll your eyes, silently cursing yourself for letting the name slip. “You’re one to talk, Ray,” you accuse. “You and Anya are practically glued together, and Anya hates literally all of us except you. At least the Commander is civil to everyone.”

“Anya likes me because she recognizes how awesome I am compared to you lot,” Raven teases.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re the best of us, Ray, we know,” you scoff good-naturedly.

“By the way,” Raven grows more hesitant, which immediately puts you on your guard. Raven is never anything but brash. “I already do have one working radio. I brought it down with me, to talk to your mom if I made it. I didn’t bring it up before because – well – because I thought Bell would smash it if he knew I had it. He shot, Jaha, did you know that?”

Shock pours through you. That’s how he got on board the dropship. You’d wondered, but there was too much going on for you to spend a lot of time worrying about it. “Did he –” There’s no love lost between you and Jaha, not after what he and your mom did to your father, but Jaha being dead may complicate matters in ways you haven’t foreseen.

“Jaha’s still alive, the bastard,” Raven spits. “But he’s gonna be aiming for blood when the adults get down here. You know they’re running out of air, Clarke. The Ark has to come down.”

“Then the Ark comes down, and we’ll deal with it then,” you decide.

Raven hesitates, and you know more is coming that you won’t particularly like. “Abby asked about you,” your best friend finally reveals. “Clarke, she knows she messed up. If the two of you could just talk –”

“My mom and I don’t have anything important to discuss right now,” you interrupt her. You may have the experience of living a second life, you may understand why Abby did what she did, you may even acknowledge that she probably thought Jaha wouldn’t punish your father too harshly. But the fact remains that your dad is dead because of your mother’s actions, and that is not something you will forgive her for any time soon. You understand why she made that choice, but you also understand that it was the wrong choice. “And I don’t want you telling her anything about me. It’s not your job to get between me and her. Clear?” you order harshly.

The other girl stiffens, and for a second you feel bad. “Crystal,” she grits out, marching away.

You sigh and wish Lexa was here. She would tell you that it was your choice to speak to Abby or not. She’d tell you to think with your head right now – focus on what you could influence. You can’t do anything about your mother at the moment, so the best course of action is to deal with that problem later.

You should probably apologize to Raven, though. When she gets back from Ton DC, you will.

“Princess!” Bellamy’s shout interrupts your thoughts. Unlike when it’s coming from Raven, the nickname makes you clench your teeth when Bellamy says it. “What’s this about some of our people going to a Grounder village while you sit on your behind here?” he accuses. “What kind of deal did you make with that Commander that requires hostages?”

Sighing, you face him. You don’t need this right now. You’re already feeling grumpy for having to part from Lexa so soon and for an unknown amount of time. You don’t need anyone to add to that strain. “They’re not going to be hostages, Bellamy,” you reply wearily. “The Commander requested assistance in setting up some form of faster communication, and Raven’s going to go investigate scraps they have to see if she can make another radio. Ray’s already agreed to go. The rest is strictly on a volunteer basis. By the looks of it, O will be going with Indra as her new seken.”

“Hell, no!” Bellamy practically shouts. “If you think I’m going to let her go gallivanting off god knows where with those people –”

“Those people?” you interrupt him. “Those _people_ have _helped_ us. They weren’t the ones that attacked Jasper at the border. Those were Reapers. Then _you_ kidnapped Lincoln and wanted to torture him for information. But that was just an excuse wasn’t it? Looking at him with your sister made you want to kill him, didn’t it?” you demand. You had had your suspicions at the time, but you ignored them while you focused on getting Lincoln out of there. “Then, when I went to make a deal with Anya, you gave _Jasper_ of all people a gun. Because he had a grudge, and you thought that he would somehow be able to protect O. And instead, he almost got us all killed because of _you_. Because you convinced him the Trikru are people to be feared. Raven has a way to communicate with the Ark, but she didn’t tell anyone since she was afraid of what stunt you’d pull next.” All of your frustration with this man who acts more like a petulant child half the time is pouring out of you. Bellamy is the weak point in your alliance right now, and you need to settle things and make sure he knows his place. Right now. “What did you do up there, Bellamy? How’d you get on the dropship? You shot Jaha. You think they’re just going to ignore that when the Ark comes down? You’ve pissed off the adults, and now you want to alienate the Trikru as well? Just how far do you expect to get alone, Bellamy?”

The boy just stands there, dumbfounded by your outburst. “I –”

You shake your head. “No. I’m speaking. You don’t control Octavia. She is perfectly capable of handling herself down here. I understand everything you sacrificed for her up on the Ark, but she doesn’t need constant protection or your smothering anymore. She just needs you to be her big brother. Do you think you handle that?”

Bellamy’s jaw tightens, and you can tell he’s holding back a retort. You just wait and see if he dares to yell at you. “If O is going with them, then I’m going too,” he finally says.

“Fine. You do that. Maybe you’ll see that the Trikru truly do want peace.”

With that, you spin on your heel and stalk off to speak with some others, see if they want to go to Ton DC. Harper and Monroe agree quickly. You think it’s just because they want the opportunity to get closer to the Trikru’s horses, but you’ll take it. They should come back with good things to say about Lexa’s people, if nothing else.

“Okay, listen up people!” you yell, climbing on top of the boulder that has been designated as the announcement area as you do. “The Trikru Heda and I have further discussed our truce and potential alliance. She is pleased with our actions so far, and has instructed General Anya and the rest of her warriors to continue their assistance and training. Raven, Harper, Monroe, and any other volunteers will be leaving for Ton DC this afternoon. Raven will be working on setting up a radio there so we can have better communication between our settlements, and the rest will have more intensive training and tutoring. Do I have any volunteers?”

“I’m going,” Octavia declares immediately. “Indra’s invited me to become her seken.”

Bellamy steps up. “Then I’m going. And so is Murphy.”

“Wait, what?” the surly teen in questions speaks up. Murphy has been surprisingly unproblematic since the Grounders have come into the picture on a more friendly note. You’ve seen him with Ryder, more often than not, learning, if not eagerly, at least willingly. “I thought Princess there said volunteers only. Doesn’t it matter what I want?”

You sigh in annoyance. “Not particularly, Murphy. But what do you want to do?”

Murphy looks a little startled that you even asked, but his face goes back to scowling in an instant. “I guess it wouldn’t be awful to go,” he mutters. “Damn sight nicer than you lot, anyway.”

“And if Raven’s going, I’m going,” Finn announces, stepping out of the crowd.

Raven rolls her eyes. “You’re not my keeper, Finn,” she hisses. “You’re not even my boyfriend, anymore.”

“I’m going,” Finn says stubbornly.

“That’s enough,” you interrupt. “Go then, Finn, if it matters that much to you. But don’t disrupt Raven’s work. She’s got the most important job of the group going, and I don’t want her being delayed by your issues.”

Finn reddens and glares at being called out in front of everyone, and you see Raven shooting you a grateful look. Even Anya looks mildly thankful from where she stands near Raven’s shoulder. Her dislike of Finn is even more intense than her current indifference towards you.

“Is that a sufficient amount, Anya?” you ask. Anya gives you a terse nod. “Okay. Those of you going, pack up your things quickly. You leave in an hour. The rest of you know your jobs for the evening. Let’s get to it.”

The Delinquents scatter, some heading out into the woods in pairs to check the trap lines Ryder had shown you how to set up a few days ago, others to prepare dinner of the deer Octavia and some other kids brought down this morning, and others still working on making the dropship more like a home. You’ve decided to hold off on telling your people Lexa’s plan to integrate them into the surrounding villages. You figure they’ll be more likely to agree in a month or two when the weather starts to turn and they feel how cold the forest is likely to get. They’ll probably be wishing for a warm roof over their head by then and not care where it comes from.

“Hey, Princess,” the slimy tone you’ve remembered to dread comes from behind you as you’re sorting through the medical supplies you’re going to send with the group in case of trouble on the road.

You clench your jaw in frustration. “You’re supposed to be packing, Finn.”

“That was kind of brutal, what you said up there. But I understand. You have to look like a leader in front of those savages. So I forgive you.”

You want to scream at him for everything coming out of his mouth right now. He’s giving you the creeps, which is new. He’s always been an asshole, in your eyes, but now he’s just a little bit frightening. “The Trikru have been nothing but helpful, and we owe them our lives,” you remind him. “And I’m not asking your forgiveness. I meant what I said up there. Stay out of Raven’s way in Ton DC. And if you can’t, don’t go.”

Finn’s posture turns a little defensive, and finally you feel like you’re maybe getting a handle on this conversation again. You can deal with anger, but his attitude before was disturbing. “Raven wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me,” he retorts. “I’m the reason she even made it down here. She’d have starved years ago if I hadn’t helped.”

“And what?” you snap. “You going to lord that over her for the rest of your life? Make her feel guilty for breaking up with you because you helped her when you were a kid? News flash, Finn. She doesn’t want or need you anymore. And she doesn’t owe you _anything_.”

Finn moves into your space, but you refuse to back down. “I’ll show her that she made a mistake. Then she’ll want me back. And then I’ll show you how these Grounders aren’t to be trusted.”

You scoff. “I sincerely doubt it.”

“You’ll see. You going to miss me, Princess?” he smiles, and you refrain from the urge to shudder.

“Quite the opposite. You lost your chance with Raven the moment you pursued me and then slept with someone else, and you never had a chance with me. So I’d get over it, if I were you.”

Finn just looks you up down one time, eyes leering. “I’ll see you soon, Princess. Don’t worry.”

When he leaves, you can no longer resist the shiver of inexplicable dread that runs down your back.

* * *

Despite your new concerns about Finn, the small group leaves without further incident. Octavia looks thrilled from where she walks next to her new fos. Indra just glares around at everyone. Ryder and Lincoln are being relieved from their training duties, and have been replaced by other warriors while they travel back to Ton DC.

“Be safe,” you whisper to Raven before she goes, giving her a tight hug. “And I’m sorry about earlier.”

Raven gives you a grin. “No worries, Griff,” she says. “And I’ll look after your girl for you.”

You redden. “It’s not like that,” you insist weakly, but you think Raven sees right through you. Thankfully, she only shoots you a wink and then she’s gone, quickly catching up with Octavia. When you turn around to head back into camp, you see Anya watching them depart wistfully. You would bet that you know who she’s looking at. “You know, you could have said good bye,” you tell her.

Anya startles, like she forgot you were there with her. “I do not waste time on such emotions,” she dismisses.

“Like you weren’t staring after Raven just then.”

“I don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Uh-huh.” Anya seems so flustered, you think you can get away with teasing her a bit more before she threatens violence. “She was disappointed you couldn’t go with them,” you mention as you walk back to the dropship together.

Anya looks like she’s trying to figure out if you’re telling the truth or not when metal canisters fly over the fences. “MAUNON!” she screams the warning. “Run!”

Red gas pours out of the canisters, and you watch your people start to cough and choke before falling to the ground, motionless. Anya grabs your arm and tries to tug you to safety, but the gas catches up too quickly. It burns your eyes and throat, and you cough to clear your lungs, but it’s no good.

The last thing you see is Anya collapsing to her knees, reaching out for you. Then everything goes black.


	7. Old Lies They Die Harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke doesn't take to being held prisoner well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait. Who made getting sick in August a thing?

When you wake up groggy and with a killer headache, you’re in an empty white room. There’s nothing to make it seem less sterile; even the toilet is stainless steel. It reminds you of your cell back on the Ark, but without the comfort of your drawings of the Earth. Your breathing quickens when you realize that you’re trapped alone in a small, windowless cell for the second time in your life.

Your eyes dart around, searching for an escape. You have a metal slab that you assume is supposed to be a bed screwed into the wall. The toilet you already noticed; and that’s it. Nothing in the room you can use as a weapon, nothing to use to try and break out with. The door itself is almost completely continuous with the rest of the wall, not even a slot at the bottom for them to slide food through like they did on the Ark. Do these people even remember that you’re in here? How long were you unconscious? Do they plan on just leaving you here to die of dehydration?

You tear yourself out of your panicked thoughts and throw yourself at the door. “Let me out!” you yell, pounding on the metal. “Let me out!”

You weren’t expecting the utter fear. You thought that you’d handled your time in isolation a lot better than this, but apparently you have some leftover panic that’s just been waiting to come out. You give up on hitting the door fairly quickly, realizing that whoever is outside won’t come until they feel like it. You cast your gaze around the room, looking for anything you missed before that can be utilized as some kind of weapon. Again, nothing is apparent, and you curl up into a ball in the corner, holding your knees to your chest. You’re assuming that you’ve been kidnapped by the Mountain, along with the rest of your people.

“Please be okay Lexa,” you whisper as you rock back and forth. You hope she was far enough away for the gas not to affect her. Maybe the Mountain Men waited on purpose? Maybe to separate them? You don’t even know what these Mountain Men _do_ , except for make the Reapers and the acid fog somehow. The mountain was supposed to be empty until the Ark returned to Earth, but now there are – according to Lexa – murderers of the worst kind living here.

The sound of the door sliding open distracts you from your thoughts. A person encased in what looks like a space suit comes in. “Clarke Griffin.” So it’s a man.

“Where am I?”

“What is your association with the Outsiders?”

“Where are my people?”

“What is the Commander’s plan for Mount Weather?”

“What am I doing here?” You’re not giving them anything until you get some answers. Or find a way to escape. Whichever comes first.

“What is the status of the space station, Ark?” The questions just keep coming. “What is your relationship with the Commander of the Outsiders?”

“Are you _spying_ on us?”

“What is the Commander’s plan for Mount Weather?” The man steps closer to you, the suit working to make him more menacing than you think a normally dressed person would be. Is he just supposed to intimidate you into giving him answers? Because his methods of making you speak are not very effective.

“I’m not telling you anything. Let me out of here!” you yell.

“What is your association with the Outsiders? What is your relationship with the Commander? What are the Commander’s plans for Mount Weather? What is your association with Commander Alexandria?”

Fury fills you. They shouldn’t know her name. “You don’t touch her!” You launch yourself at the man, tearing at the seams of his protective gear. A small hole rips open, and then all you hear are screams.

Two other men rush in, one grabbing the screaming man and dragging him out, and the other advancing on you with some sort of metal baton. You try to dodge around him and make a run for the open door, but he snags your arm and throws you back into the corner. When you rush him again, the baton he’s holding crushes into your stomach, and then some kind of shock is coursing through your veins. You grunt in pain. It feels like your head’s going to explode. Then everything goes dark for the second time.

* * *

The next time you awaken, the headache is still there, along with pain radiating through your entire body. Your skin feels like it was rubbed raw, and you’re handcuffed to a chair. You pull at them, but only succeed in scraping your wrists.

“Ah, yes. I do apologize for the restraints.” An elderly man walks in and sits at the desk in front of you. “Necessary precautions after your initial reaction to us trying to help you.”

“You mean my interrogation,” you spit. “How’s the other guy?”

“Mr. Diaz has been given new duties, seeing as his methods were – unsuccessful. My name is Dante Wallace. I am the current president of Mount Weather, the last group of known civilization in what used to be the United States,” the man introduces himself.

“Last civilization?” you ask bewilderedly. “There’s thousands of people right outside those doors. Maybe if you tried playing nice instead of kidnapping them and warping their minds, they’d be a bit friendlier and you could go out.”

Dante shakes his head. “You don’t understand, child. You saw what even the smallest opening in protective wear did to Mr. Diaz. You had not yet been decontaminated of the radiation that still clings to the Earth outside.”

“Is that why it feels like I’ve lost four layers of skin?”

Dante frowns. “I could stand for a little less of your attitude, Miss Griffin.”

You roll your eyes. “I could stand for being a little less imprisoned, but we can’t have everything we want.”

“You are not a prisoner, Miss Griffin. Once we learn what we need to know to protect ourselves, you will be free to join your friends.”

“It sounds more like the Trikru could use some protection against you.”

“You have only heard one biased opinion, Clarke. I assure you that once you know all of the facts, you will understand,” Dante explains very patiently, as though you are a small child. You’re _so_ glad you didn’t know this dude in your past life.

“I assure _you_ , Dante. I know everything I need to, and nothing can sway me on that matter,” you try to say it pleasantly, but you don’t think it comes across. You probably should have acted like the dumb blonde and conned your way back to Anya and the rest of your friends, but you can’t stand his attitude. “Where are my friends? What about the Trikru who were with us? Did you kill them already?”

“The Outsiders are savages, Clarke. Less than human. They must be contained for our own safety.”

You scoff. “I’m sure they’re not very agreeable about being kidnapped. How unhelpful of them.” You should be more politic about how you’re speaking to the man who is presumably in charge, but hearing Lexa and her people being called savages and inhuman enrages you. You’ve seen nothing but good from the Trikru. Lexa is _good_ – always has been – and anyone she leads could never be anything less. “But for arguments sake,” you allow, “let’s say I believe you. The Trikru are dangerous monsters, and you’re the good guys trapped in the mountain. Where does me agreeing to help you help me? From where I’m standing, all that does is get me stuck here in an airless cave with all you guys, when I was working out a pretty fine deal with the ‘dangerous monsters’ outside in the fresh air.”

“It would only be a matter of time before they turned on you. They don’t know any better,” Dante insists. “They’ve been at war for nearly as long as you’ve been gone. They know nothing else. There can never be peace with them.”

Pretending to think it over seems like a viable option. But you know. Lexa wants nothing but peace. Sure, she wants it even more now that you’re involved, but Anya told you on a rare night when she felt like sharing; Lexa’s entire life – first in training and now as Heda – has been about working towards a peace between all clans. Sure, some clans required more forceful convincing than others – Anya had practically snarled when she mentioned the Azgeda – but Lexa succeeded where no other Commander had.

“I think, before I make any decisions, that I need to see my people.”

For the first time, Dante looks uncomfortable. “Ah, I’m afraid I can’t allow that.”

“And why the hell not?” you demand.

“We don’t want your – _influences_ – swaying them from making their own decisions.”

You let out a huff in angry amusement. “Meaning you’ve been lying through your teeth about who you people really are in all this. And I’m betting some of my people bought it. Well, Dante. Since it appears we’ve reached the end of our civilities, why don’t you tell me what you really need the Trikru for? The ones you don’t turn into the monsters you claim they all are.”

“I am not a stupid man, Miss Griffin.”

“Never said you were. It has something to do with the radiation, doesn’t it?” you guess. “They can survive outside and you can’t. Maybe because your ancestors cowered in here when the bombs hit. You left them out there to die but they didn’t. They thrived. And now you’re trapped.”

Dante appears to be losing his patience. “You will keep a civil tongue young lady.”

“Why? I’m your prisoner. You won’t let me leave, you won’t let me see my people, and you won’t tell me what’s going on. I have absolutely no incentive to play nice anymore,” you snap.

That’s apparently one step too far. “Guard!” Dante practically yells, and a man with another one of those electric baton things comes inside. “Escort Miss Griffin back to her room, please.”

“Cell,” you poorly disguise with a cough. Two lives or no, sometimes you just have to act like a teenager.

Dante glares. “See to it she remains there until she’s prepared to act reasonably.”

With the training Anya and Ryder put you through, you could probably break the guy’s hold and take off. But you know nothing about the layout of the mountain – although you are eyeing the doors for location names and memorizing as much as you can for when you do make an escape. In the meantime, you allow yourself to be passively led back to a cell different from the one you first woke up in. Either that, or they just stuck a mattress in your old cell. The door is quickly slammed shut behind you and you’re left alone once again. No, it is different. There’s a small, circular window in the door now that you can just barely manage to look out of if you stand on your toes.

You pace the length of your room for god knows how long. Running the small map you’ve made in your head over and over until it’s engrained in your mind doesn’t take as long as you’d hoped. After that, you let yourself get carried away by past memories of Lexa, trying to keep yourself calm. Your memories aren’t automatic – they almost play like a movie. Like they happened to someone else and not you. But you remember how you felt.

Meeting Lexa for the first time in that hospital – she was so high on exhaustion and medication that everything came out in babbles. You had to have been high on something too to have found her as endearing as you did in the middle of the night. Buying the house you spent the rest of your lives in after you found out you were pregnant with Tris. You were so excited that you cried, though you blamed it on pregnancy hormones. When you finally got out of the hospital after Tris was born, Lexa carried you inside that house despite your emphatic protests while Tris was secure in her grandmother’s arms. Aiden re-learned how to walk in your pillow-lined hallway after recovering from his broken leg. You made love to your wife countless times in countless places in that house, and you find yourself missing it.

Wetness on your cheeks surprises you. You quickly scrub it away; there’s no time for crying right now. But you miss Lexa. You miss your house, and your dog, and your kids. You miss the garbage can Tris crashed into when she was learning how to ride her bike. You don’t even know if your grandchildren exist in this world. Most of all you just miss your wife and the person she could be in your old life. Who you could be together. Now, you can see the burden she carries, and you don’t think it’s by choice. You can’t imagine what she’s going through right now with both you and Anya missing. At least she still has Gustus.

The door of your cell opening unexpectedly sends you scrambling into the corner of the room. A dark haired girl who looks a year or two younger than you enters carrying a tray of food. At the sight of it, your stomach reminds you that you probably haven’t eaten in at least twelve hours, and it’s not happy. But you hold yourself back, not trusting that this isn’t some kind of trick.

“It’s okay,” the girl says softly. “My name is Maya. I’m not going to hurt you.”

You huff out a laugh. “I’m not a deer,” you retort. “Forgive me for being a little wary in the presence of my captors, no matter how innocent looking.”

Maya sets the food down on your mattress as the door clicks shut. Safety precaution, you presume. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs almost inaudibly. “It’s not right, what Dante and his son are doing. I want to help you.”

“My people. My friends – are they okay?” This is probably some kind of trick, but you might as well get as much information as you can wheedle out of her.

“Most of them are up in the dormitories on the second level,” Maya informs you in a whisper. “Several have chosen to leave the mountain though and return to the outside.”

You shake your head. “If we were allowed to leave, I wouldn’t still be locked up in here,” you deny. “All of my people are still in here somewhere. Where would they take troublemakers? Besides me.”

Maya hangs her head guiltily. “There’s a lab, on the first level. Where they do research on the radiation.”

“What aren’t you telling me?” you demand as quietly as you can, not wanting to alert the guard outside. “What’s going on here?”

Maya looks conflicted. “I’m sorry,” she blurts. “I can’t.”

She tries to get up but you tug her back down. “Tell me now,” you order.

“The Outsiders are kept in a chamber just outside the lab. I hate it, but I can’t stop it. Please, I’m sorry. I don’t know where your other friends would be.” Maya gets up and walks quickly out, leaving the tray of food with you.

“No, Maya!” you hiss, jerking up to follow her only to have the door slammed in your face. “Fuck,” you curse, resuming your pacing. Over the next few hours, you form a plan. Using the fork your captors so stupidly provided you with (don’t they know that you could use this as a weapon?), you tear a ragged gash in the skin on the inside of your forearm. You use the blood to make a crude map of the route you’d memorized and add in where you are guessing the places Maya spoke of are. The most likely escape will be through where you remember someplace called the North Stairs are. Handily, Ton DC is north of Mount Weather, per Anya, so that’s one piece of good news.

Bad news: you don’t know where on the first level the Trikru are being kept. At the very least, you _have_ to get Anya out when you make a break for it. It would shatter Lexa if she lost Anya, and you’re not going to let that happen.

Your friends are out of your reach for now. The likelihood of you being able to get up two floors, convince them to escape with you, and get back down to the first level and free as many Trikru as possible – you wonder how many there are trapped here – are slim to none. Your best bet is snatch Anya and whoever else before getting caught, and then get the hell out of dodge. You’ll just have to come back for the Delinquents and the rest of the Trikru later.

But for now, all you can do is wait. And pace some more. You reluctantly eat the cold food Maya left for you a couple hours ago, choking it down. It tastes awful compared to what you have grown used to in the few short weeks since you allied with the Trikru and they started showing you how they live.

Once you’re sure your map is completely dry, you drag the thin mattress over to the corner you drew it in and set it on top of the drawing. It effectively hides the map and it’s in the furthest corner from the door, giving you a more defensible position. You settle in for a short and uncomfortable nap, your exhaustion from the stressful situation winning out over your fear of someone entering while you sleep. You can only hope Maya is the one to come in next time, and not a guard.

* * *

You have no idea how long it’s been when you wake up from your reluctant sleep. There’s no form of natural light, and the single fluorescent bulb gracing your cell hasn’t changed. You wonder how the Mountain people maintain their circadian rhythms, or if they just all deal with constant insomnia.

Voices outside your cell alert you to the cause of your wakefulness. You think you recognize Maya’s voice, and sure enough, the door opens to allow Maya in with a new tray of food. When she sees the arm that you tore open, Maya gasps and quickly sets the food down and rushes over to you. “What did you do?” she asks frantically, checking to see if it’s infected.

You pull your arm away impatiently. “We don’t have time for that. I’m leaving. Today. And you’re going to help me.”

Maya looks uncertain. “I told you everything I know about your friends.”

“That’s not what I’m asking for. How do I get to the Trikru prisoners from the North Stairs?”

The younger girl hesitates, biting her lip. “I don’t know if I –”

“Your people have been murdering an innocent civilization for a hundred years,” you say harshly. You can tell that Maya’s a nice girl, and truly feels awful about what she has been a part of for her entire life, but you don’t have time to play nice. You need the answers you’re looking for fast or your plan could crumble to pieces. “Now tell me. How do I find the Trikru?”

“Alright,” Maya whimpers. “Okay. Once you get up the North Stairs, turn right. Go down that corridor until you hit the fourth left. The door will be on your second right, and it says ‘Garbage Chute’ overhead. That’s where the Outsiders are kept.”

You nod, committing the instructions to memory and fitting it into the diagram in your head. “Good. Thank you, Maya.” You snatch the food the girl brought in and stuff it in your pockets. You also grip the fork they left you so stupidly tightly in your hand. It’s an awful weapon, but it’ll have to do. “Now, scream.”

“What?”

Rolling your eyes, you shove Maya hard, away from the door. She yelps loudly as she topples over, and you position yourself to the side of the doorway. Sure enough, the guard rushes into your cell, ready to subdue you. Instead, you leap on his back and stab your measly weapon into his throat and _drag_.

It’s not pretty, and it’s hard to do – who knew tearing skin was so difficult – but the guard screams and drops to his knees, his hands going to his throat. “Oh, please,” you roll your eyes. “It’s barely a scratch.” Honestly, how much damage did he think an eating utensil would cause. “This, though,” you pick up the shock baton the guard had dropped in his distress, “this is gonna hurt like a bitch.” You press it into the only open skin available, the back of his neck, and activate it. The guard freezes and then spasms, before falling over unconscious. That’s what they get for separating you from your wife.

“Is he –” You look up to where Maya is staring at you fearfully from a corner.

“I won’t kill anyone if I don’t have to,” you promise. “I don’t want a massacre on either side. I know there are innocents here, Maya. I’m not a monster. But you have to understand – there _are_ monsters living here, and one of them is your president. And I’m going to stop him.”

Maya nods hesitantly. “His son is the one you have to worry about,” she murmurs. “Cage Wallace. He’s the one who came up with the idea of the Reapers. And I think he has plans for your people too.”

“Then I’ll worry about him as well. But I have to go now. I’m going to lock you in here. Someone will be by to get you out soon, I’m sure.” You shut the door to the cell, which automatically locks. Convenient.

You hurry back along the route you memorized until you find the North Stairs again. Luck is with you – nobody appears to be around. You sprint up the stairs and turn right onto the next floor. _Fourth left, second right. Fourth left, second right_ , you chant silently as you run.

“You there!”

“Shit!” you curse as you run as fast as you can to the door with ‘Garbage Chute’ in block lettering over it. The guards who spotted you give chase. You cast a quick glance as you slam the door shut – there are five of them. There is no way you can incapacitate all of them, so you look wildly for something to block the door. Seeing nothing, you smash the end of the baton against the key pad, and it sparks and fizzles. They’ll be able to pry it open, but hopefully it takes more than a few minutes.

You turn around and gasp. Cages line the cavernous room you’ve escaped into, each holding a Grounder. There has to be at least a few hundred people in here. You’re never going to find Anya in all this. “Anya!” you call desperately, running down the line of cages. You’d hoped to free as many people as possible, but you were not expecting so many to be here. You’ll be lucky if you even manage to find Anya before the Mountain Men break that door down. “Anya, where are you?”

“Clarke?” A weak voice sounds ahead of you.

You dash over to where Anya’s voice came from. “Anya!” You can’t help but grin when you see your friend alive, despite the situation. “Hey, I’m gonna get you out of here alright?” You grab a metal bar that’s resting against the wall and stick it in the lock. The metal gives after some forceful prying on your end, and Anya stumbles out of the cage. You steady her on her feet – she looks exhausted and like she hasn’t eaten in days. How long were you unconscious? “Here, put this on.” You hand her your shirt, leaving you in just a tank top. “Come on, we have to go. That door won’t hold for long.”

“I won’t leave my people,” Anya denies.

“Anya, there are guards behind me. I barely know anything and you’re in no state to fight. My people are still in here too. I swear we’ll come back for all of them, but we have to go now and tell Lexa that you have people still alive in here,” you urge. You have to get Anya out of here and back to Lexa. She can’t lose her best friend. “Besides, Raven is out there.”

The general freezes for a moment, looking confused. “Raven,” she repeats.

The door decides to give under pressure just then, and the guards burst through. “Time’s up.” You throw Anya’s arm over your shoulder and run as quickly as Anya can to the other side of the room. Luckily, her cage was pretty far down the line so you have some space. At the end of the room, all that’s there is a large, metal, square door in the wall. You tug it open and a chute is revealed. “I guess they weren’t completely lying when they said this was the garbage chute,” you mutter. You help Anya into it and she slides out of sight. You throw one last glance over your shoulder to see a guard raising his gun, before you toss yourself in as well.

* * *

The landing leaves much to be desired. It feels like you land on squishy rocks and when you look down, you immediately want to vomit all of the one meal you had however many hours or days ago.

Bodies were thrown – or slid – haphazardly into a cart, which you and Anya had fallen into after your short ride. Anya was already standing off to the side, staring in a mixture of horror and disgust at the sight of her people carelessly tossed aside. “Anya,” you say sympathetically. “Anya we have to go. They’ll be right behind us.”

“They bleed us like pigs and then discard our used bodies. Like we are animals,” Anya whispered, seeming to be in shock. “They are not human.”

“No, they aren’t,” you reassure her. “And we _will_ get to Lexa and tell her what’s really going on here, but only if we leave. Now.” You tug her arm toward where you can see light in the distance. Anya appears to recover herself and follows you determinedly. That pissed off look is back on her face – you didn’t realize you missed it. She looks much more herself now, which is a relief.

Just then, growls interrupt your thought. “Reapers!” Anya hisses and speeds up, taking the lead.

You sprint after her, throwing a look over your shoulder and wishing you hadn’t. A dozen Reapers are chasing you, snarling and snapping. You run until you see Anya slide to a stop at a ledge, just on the brim of reaching the light. Anya looks down and without hesitation, leaps into the open air, leaving you behind. “Anya!” you scream.

The warrior lands in a deep pool of water, and you see her tiny head reappear about thirty feet down. She gestures for you to follow, but you hesitate. You don’t know how to swim in this life, and the fall alone is dangerous. But you glance behind you, and choose the possibility of death over the certainty, gathering yourself and taking a leap of faith.

The last thing you think about is Lexa.


	8. Honest Heart as Compass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Anya must reach Ton DC to warn Lexa while avoiding the Maunon
> 
> or
> 
> Clarke can only think about getting back to her wife

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, this chapter is a monster of 6k words. I hope you guys like it!

Everything is dark, and the next thing you’re consciously aware of is cold and wet and an awful pressure on your chest. You cough violently and jerk, vomiting up what feels like gallons of water. “You stupid branwada,” Anya growls from beside you. “You cannot swim?”

You heave in a breath of air, trying to get your heart rate under control. “Not exactly any water up in space,” you gasp out. “Plus there wasn’t a lot of time to find another escape route.”

Anya just shakes her head. “Swimming will be the first thing you skaikru learn when the Mountain falls. You cannot survive the ground without being able to move through water. Now come. The Maunon will not be far behind.”

“We have to get to Ton DC,” you tell her, still trying to catch your breath. Your throat burns from all the water you inhaled. “The Maunon know the Commander is planning something. We have to warn Lexa.”

Anya looks down at you doubtfully from her knees. “Are you sure you can walk that far, Skayon?”

“Don’t have much of a choice. They have our people. We need to get them all out.”

“No one who goes into the Mountain ever returns, except as Reapers,” Anya denies.

“There’s a first time for everything. We escaped,” you remind her as you stumble to your feet, still feeling a bit waterlogged.

Surprisingly, Anya stands and grips your arm, waiting to let go until you’re steady on two legs. “Then to Ton DC,” she agrees. “It is a ten hour walk. We will need to find shelter for the night.”

“Oh,” you suddenly remember the food you stashed in your pockets. “I have food. They fed me once, and I’m betting they didn’t give you anything to eat. The bread’s probably no good from the water, but the meat was preserved. It should just be a bit wet.” You dig through your sopping pants and manage to tug out the handful of meat. “Here. You can eat while we walk.”

Anya snatches the food and hungrily scarfs a piece. Most of the meat is gone before you’ve gone a hundred yards. “Mochof,” the warrior mumbles as she eats.

“No problem. How long were we in there, anyway?” you ask.

“You do not know?”

You shake your head. “I was unconscious for quite a bit of it.”

“Why were you unconscious?” Anya wonders.

“They didn’t take too kindly to me trying to escape my cell. They shocked me and I guess it knocked me out for a while,” you explain.

“Shocked?”

You pause. “It’s electricity. Like lightning in a storm?” Anya nods her understanding. “They’re able to harness that into a weapon. Pretty powerful.”

“I see,” Anya muses.

“How long was it?”

“Four days.”

“Shit,” you curse. Lexa will be frantic by now, and unable to show it. You hope Gustus can keep her calm, and that she knows you’re doing everything you can to get yourself and Anya back to her.

* * *

You’ve been walking for a couple hours, and everything looks the same. Trees, trees, and more trees. The occasional boulder. You really hope Anya knows where she’s going.

“How did you know Heda’s name on the bridge, Sky Girl?” Anya asks less harshly than the last time you were questioned about Lexa, breaking the silence.

You hesitate. “It’s hard to explain.”

“I am sure I will understand,” the Grounder says dryly.

It makes you want to smile. “You know Heda’s spirit chooses a new vessel after each Commander dies? The Commander told me about it.”

Anya nods. “It is at the very core of our beliefs.”

“Well, hers isn’t the only one. I remember a life before this one. Lexa was there, and you, and some of my friends. Even Lincoln. Lexa was my wife,” you explain.

The Grounder scoffs. “I doubt that.”

You shrug. “Ask her yourself when we get back. She’ll tell you the same thing – she just remembers more lives than I do because she’s got all the past Heda’s stuck up in her brain too.”

“And how did you come to remember?”

You take it as a good sign that Anya’s curious. “Tris,” you tell her fondly. “She was our daughter. When you said her name on the bridge – I remembered everything. But that’s how I knew to ask for Lexa. You guys were best friends. You took care of her – I knew she wouldn’t be far from you.”

Anya is silent for a time, you hope processing and not deciding to kill you to protect her Heda from this nonsense. “I do not remember that life,” she finally says. Her tone is calm though, so you don’t think she doesn’t believe you. “You should tell me more of it. You say my seken was your daughter and her name was enough to make you remember. Perhaps if you tell me who I was close to in the past, I will remember also.”

“Well, Lexa was your best friend, and practically your sister. But you loved Raven. You even married – bonded – with her.”

The general freezes at Raven’s name, and you look over at her. That’s the second time today Raven’s name has caused an odd reaction in the warrior. You wonder – and hope – that perhaps Lexa’s theory of the stress response is true. Anya is staring blankly at the ground, mouth hanging open in shock. You start to smile when you realize she’s remembering, but that quickly goes away when Anya’s fist meets your cheek, sending you crashing to the dirt. “What the fuck, Anya!” you moan, opening and closing your mouth to see if your jaw still works.

Anya looks livid. “You lay with Raven!” she shouts, glaring down at you.

You just stare at her for a moment, trying to understand what Anya is going on about. “That was literally another life, and before we ever met you or Lexa, and you’re _still_ holding a grudge about that?” You can’t believe it. So you and Raven had a thing in college where if you were both single and needing some attention, you worked it out on each other. It was never anything more than fun, and it stopped after the two of you graduated – long before you started dating Lexa. You and Raven had told Lexa and Anya after you got married, wanting to know how they’d react, and it had been hilarious.

Anya had been quietly furious, and Lexa merely dumbfounded. Lexa eventually grew to see the humor of the situation, but Anya did nothing but glare at you from across rooms for over a month. Apparently, that’s still a sore spot for her.

The next thing you know, you’re being lifted from the ground and strong arms are wrapped tight around you. You hug your friend gratefully. “I missed you,” you tell her.

Anya just scoffs, which is nothing less than you expected. “You’re still a branwada.”

You laugh joyfully. “Whatever you say, Ahn.”

“Who else remembers?”

“Just me and Lexa, and now you. Raven doesn’t know.”

Anya’s face falls, but then grows determined. “She will.”

“She’s too stubborn not to,” you happily agree. You weren’t sure anyone else would ever be able to remember, or if you and Lexa were the only oddities. This proof brings a welcome sense of relief that you might regain the people you loved. You’re growing to love who they are now – Octavia, Raven, Lincoln, and the rest – but you miss them, still. You didn’t know how much until Anya remembered. “Thank you. For remembering.”

Anya smirks and cuffs the back of your head, making you groan in exasperation. Still the annoyingly superior warrior. “We need to keep moving. We can discuss this more when we are safe with Heda – Lexa,” she corrects.

Noise interrupts you from a ways away, making you and Anya spin around. “Are they following us?”

Anya grabs your arm and urges you into a run. “That makes no sense,” she mutters as you move. “The Maunon are poor trackers. They should have lost our trail hours ago.”

“Maybe they got better?” you suggest half-heartedly. You’re grateful for the small amount of training you were given before this disaster. Even with so little time, your stamina has improved quite a bit.

“Not possible,” Anya denies. “Something is aiding them.” She slows back down to a walk when you appear to have momentarily lost the Mountain Men once more.

You watch as she rubs at her arm absentmindedly, and a crazy idea pops into your head. You pull her to a stop. “Anya, let me see that.” You snatch her arm and rub over the irritated spot and sure enough, you feel a hard lump there. “Oh my god,” you murmur. “They implanted a tracker in you. That’s how they’re following us.” You look around for something sharp you could cut it out with, but Anya takes matters into her own hands. You watch in horror as she bites down hard on her arm and _rips_ , tearing out a chunk of her skin and the tracker. “What the fuck, Anya!” you yell, tearing a strip of cloth from the bottom of your tank. “You’re going to die of an infection,” you berate her as you wrap up her arm.

Anya merely throws the tracker far from the two of you in the opposite direction you’ll be heading. “Now they won’t be able to track us,” she says, satisfied.

“Which is great, but I can’t believe you.” You’re still scolding her. She’ll be lucky if it doesn’t get seriously infected or gangrenous.

“Come,” Anya ignores you. “We must move on.”

You begin hiking again, and the rest of the afternoon passes by without incident. Anya finds another one of those bunkers for you to rest in for the night. It has a bed, which the sight of almost makes you moan in delight, but nothing edible apart from a few cans that expired nearly a hundred years ago. By the time you stopped, it was too dark for you and Anya – mostly Anya, if you’re being honest – to do any hunting, so it’s going to be another hungry night.

“I should have saved some of the meat,” Anya says regretfully.

“It’s okay,” you reassure her despite your stomach fiercely saying otherwise. “We’ll be back in Ton DC tomorrow – I can eat then. You hadn’t eaten in four days. You couldn’t run all day without _something_.”

“We are trained as sekens to ignore our hunger,” Anya replies. “I should have been able to resist.”

“I’ll be fine,” you promise. “Now come on. The sooner we get to sleep, the quicker we get back to Lexa tomorrow.”

Anya reluctantly crawls into the bed next to you, and you’re not ashamed to admit how glad you are she remembers you, or else this would have been a very awkward night for you. You’re both quiet for a while, but then Anya speaks up. “I didn’t remember Raven.”

“It’s not your fault,” you try to soothe the warrior. “Lexa has some theories on how it’s possible to remember – you should ask her about it when we get back.”

“I will.”

Silence reigns once more, and you think Anya has fallen asleep. You wouldn’t blame her – she’s probably had a much rougher few days than you have, even with all your being shocked unconscious and questioning.

“Tris is a good seken,” Anya says. “Much like Lexa was when I trained her. She shows both strength and intelligence, which is something many of our warriors lack. She questions why we fight some battles when other solutions may be possible. I am very proud of her, and I don’t know if she is aware of that.”

You rest a hand on Anya’s shoulder – she was never one for much physical contact. “Thank you for taking care of her for so long. Lexa as well. I owe you everything.”

You can feel Anya shrug. “They are mine too, now,” is her simple answer. “It is my duty and desire to protect them with my life.”

“I’ll help you however I can. I want – need – to be able to protect them. I can’t be helpless down here.”

“You ended a war before it could start. I would have attacked you with my warriors under Lexa’s orders – all three hundred of them. I’m not sure if I would have won.”

You know that’s the highest compliment the warrior could pay you, but you’re grateful that the future she’s envisioning never came to pass. “I’m glad I didn’t have to find out. I never wanted to fight. And now we’re still being dragged into a war.”

“Lexa is the best Heda the clans have ever seen,” Anya says proudly. “The Maunon will fall; the Coalition will defeat them with the Skaikru by our side. But first, we must get back to Heda. We must report what each of us have seen of the Mountain. Any piece of information might be vital to Heda’s strategy.”

“She must be going insane with worry,” you fret a bit. “And she can’t show anyone it – she has to be strong.”

“There is nothing to be done about it now but sleep,” Anya advises. “I will return you to Lexa tomorrow, but to do that, we both need rest.”

With that, your friend seems to fall asleep easily, but it’s harder for you. It’s not until you scoot a little closer to Anya, whose scent is similar to Lexa’s now, that your lids get heavy and you are able to drift off.

* * *

Getting back to Ton DC the next day takes longer than you think Anya believed it would. But you haven’t eaten in days, you’re exhausted, and it seems like every stick and pebble in this goddamn forest is jumping up to tangle between your feet, making you stumble every few steps. Anya has to keep grabbing your arm to prevent you from landing on your face, and eventually, she stops letting go after you steady. The last hour or so she practically has to lead you through the woods. You’d kind of looked for maybe something edible while you walked, but nothing was apparent. The acid fog probably destroys nearly everything within the vicinity of the mountain, and anything that doesn’t die probably has a high rate of mutation, like that two headed deer you saw on your first day on the ground. Anything that can survive the acid fog has to already be completely fucked up, your tired mind reasons.

You’re well aware that if Anya hadn’t remembered who she used to be, your run through the forest would have been _much_ less pleasant. Every time you fell would have been met with growls and complaints and vague threats from the warrior to leave you behind, despite Lexa’s orders to not allow you to die. You much prefer the Anya who knows she used to be friends with you.

“We’re almost there, Clarke,” Anya encourages you while tugging you along. “Just another mile or so.”

“Are you sure?” you challenge tiredly. “Because I think you’re having me on and we’ve been going in circles this whole time.”

Anya scoffs. “I know these trees, Clarke. We are not lost. Now come on. Don’t you want to see Lexa?”

“Lexa.” You perk up a bit at the reminder.

“That’s right,” Anya urges you on. “If you manage not to fall on your face, we’ll be back in less than twenty minutes.”

Anya’s words keep you going for the final part of your long trek. Your surroundings still don’t look familiar to you, but you do notice the subtle traces of human influence on the forest – cleared areas, fewer animal sounds, and the like. The warrior stops suddenly, and you don’t register it in time to halt as well before you run into her back. Anya steadies you once more before turning back around. “Gona,” she says evenly to the empty forest around her.

You stare up at her bewilderedly, sure she’s lost it, but then several warriors drop from nearby trees, startling you. “General, we heard you were lost to the Maunon,” one greets.

“Klark kom Skaikru freed me from the Maunon cages and we escaped together,” Anya replies, bringing you stumblingly forward. “Heda must know what we have learned. And Klark requires assistance for the rest of the journey.”

“Heda remains in Ton DC. Come – we have a horse the Skayon can ride.”

You shake your head. “Nope,” you mumble, stubborn. “I don’t like horses – I’m good. Thanks, though,” you tack on as an afterthought.

Anya sighs as the animal is brought forward. “Do not be difficult,” she orders before lifting you onto the horse despite your protests. It’s actually not so bad when the horse is being led and all you have to worry about is holding on, but you grumble nonetheless. You just really don’t like riding horses. Way too far from the ground.

When the village comes into view, you sigh in relief. You’ll be able to see Lexa any minute now, and all of the tension you’ve been holding on to releases from your body at the thought.

“Heda!” “Heda!” Several villagers begin to call out in excitement when they see Anya. “Heda! Gona Anya kom hou!”

Lexa bursts from her war tent, her eyes desperately seeking out her fos. But her gaze slips past her friend and mentor when she spots you on the horse. You can see her face brighten dramatically before she controls it, quickly barking out orders. One man takes the reins of the horse while another helps you from the horse.

You stumble when your feet hit the ground, but then Lexa is there, her gentle hands under your elbows and holding you steady. “Clarke,” she breathes, her whisper filled with joy and utter relief. But she has duties to attend to, as well. “Onya, eat and rest. Report to my tent at sundown so you and the Skai Heda can tell me what you have learned of the Mountain and how you escaped.”

“Sha, Heda.” Anya needs no further urging to take her leave, probably dying to get some real food and sleep in something much more comfortable than a cage.

“Come, Clarke,” Lexa murmurs. “There is food for you in my tent.”

You nod dumbly, unable to take your eyes from her face. You’d tried to keep away from negative thoughts, but you’d worried more than once while trapped in that cell and walking through those godforsaken woods that you’d never see your wife again. And now she’s right in front of you, and you’ll be able to touch her in just a few moments. Your tired feet decide to do you a favor right at that moment, and you trip over nothing.

Lexa catches you with ease, swinging you up into her arms and carrying you the rest of the way. She wards off any offers to take you from her, asserting that as the Sky leader, you have the privilege of being the Commander’s guest. Or something like that. Your grasp on Trigedasleng is improving, but you are not fluent by any means.

Lexa sweeps into her quarters as Gustus takes his post at the entrance. Lexa sets you down on the map table you remember laying her across just last week. Was it really such a short time ago? So much has happened since then. “Lexa,” you mutter your first words since entering Ton DC.

Strong arms engulf you, and you clutch back desperately, trying to fight off tears. “Never, _ever_ , worry me like that again, Clarke,” Lexa says fiercely. “I was terrified. No one has ever returned from the Mountain – I thought I lost you again.”

You bury your face in Lexa’s neck, digging your hands into her shirt and mouthing at her skin – anything to feel close to her. “I missed you,” you mumble. “I’m sorry, I escaped as soon as I could. I couldn’t get everyone out. They still have my people, Lexa. And yours. I have to tell you –”

“Hush,” Lexa calms your increasingly frantic words. “You’re safe now, I’ve got you. You are with me.”

You emerge from your hiding place in her neck to kiss Lexa, grasping the braids at the back of her neck to keep her lips on yours. Lexa only breaks away when a yawn from you rudely interrupts. She chuckles, and you smile bashfully. “Sorry,” you mutter, yawning again.

Lexa quickly steps away, despite your immediate whining. She gathers some food onto a plate and places it on the ground next to her admittedly heavenly looking bed of furs and comes back to you. You wrap your legs around her waist and arms around her neck so she can’t escape again. Lexa just laughs and lifts you from the table. You grin into her shoulder when she doesn’t let you go. You can feel Lexa taking a seat and then she’s shifting you around so your back is to her chest with her legs on either side of yours. Lexa leans down and grabs the plate of food, setting it down in your lap. Her hands wind around your waist, burrowing under your shirt to rest against the skin of your stomach. “Eat,” she instructs gently. “You must be hungry.”

Starving, you realize as you wolf down the food. You’re so tired that you’d kind of forgotten how long it’s been since you ate anything. The plate empties embarrassingly quickly, but Lexa doesn’t comment. Instead, she busies herself with pressing kisses to every available inch of skin presented to her. You shiver in delight. “I love you,” you tell her once you’ve finished your meal.

“I love you too. Thank you for coming back to me. Again.”

Another yawn takes you by surprise. “I have to – Anya and I – we –”

“Later,” Lexa soothes. “Rest now. You and Anya can tell me everything later. There is time, I promise.”

She tries to get you to lay down, but there are things you need to say first and they come spilling out. “The Mountain. They’re horrible. They interrogated me, kept me in a cell, beat me. They didn’t let me see my people. I was all alone, Lexa.” You finally lose your battle with the tears that have been trying to escape since you got back. “They locked me up just like the Ark did. Handcuffed me to a chair. I thought they were going to leave me there to die. I was so scared, Lex.”

Lexa gathers you into her arms and holds you tight, letting you cry yourself out. She hums nonsense tunes, rubbing her hand up and down your back while she presses kisses to your forehead and temple. All the fear and uncertainty of the last few days comes pouring out of you at once, and Lexa’s shirt is soaked by the time you’ve cried yourself out. “You are safe with me,” she whispers when you quiet down again. “Sleep, Clarke. I will keep you safe,” she vows.

You can’t help but obey – your eyes slipping shut of their own accord. “I found you,” you mumble.

“You did,” Lexa acknowledges. “I love you,” is the last thing you hear before sleep takes you.

* * *

Rustling and moving furs pulls you back to consciousness. You feel Lexa getting up from the bed and you whine, sliding a hand into empty space to try and find her again. “Shh,” Lexa soothes you, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead and wrapping the furs more tightly around your body. “Go back to sleep,” she whispers. You mumble a bit before letting your hand sink back to the bed and nestling further into your pillow.

You can hear Lexa walk to the other side of the tent, but there’s no sound to indicate that she’s actually gone outside. You relax at the realization that she didn’t leave you. “What news, Onya?” Lexa asks quietly, trying not to disturb you. The authority is back in her voice, though, and you realize that Lexa hasn’t been told about Anya remembering yet. Also, when did Anya get here? You open your eyes just a bit to watch the two warriors.

“Lexa.”

There’s a pause, like Lexa doesn’t know how to respond. You wonder when the last time Lexa heard her name from someone other than you was. As the silence drags on, it occurs to you that Anya is probably too emotionally constipated and Lexa too in the dark for them to actually get on the same page about Anya remembering. They’re just kind of looking at each other, neither knowing what to do. “For gods’ sakes,” you mutter from the bed, startling both of them. “Lex, Anya knows. She remembered on the way back, hooray. Now hug, or something.” Lexa gives you a bemused look, but you’re too tired to have a filter. Your head drops back to the pillow.

“Anya?” You can hear the authority drop out of Lexa’s tone immediately, switching to vulnerable instead.

Anya sighs. “Hey, Lexa,” she says fondly, and then grunts.

You look again. Lexa has her arms wrapped tight around the taller woman, her face buried in Anya’s shoulder. Anya slowly embraces Lexa, smiling slightly. The sight of the reunion makes you smile as well. Deciding that it’s about time you got out of bed, you slide your feet to the floor, yawning.

“When did this happen? How?” Lexa asks eagerly.

Anya nods over at you. “Clarke. After she rescued me from the Maunon. She reminded me of Raven and what she meant to me.”

The look on Lexa’s face is one you’ll never forget. She’s looking at with love, gratitude, and something like awe. She comes over to give you a sweet kiss that you return eagerly from your sitting position. “Thank you, hodnes,” she breathes.

“Anytime, pretty girl.” You grin up at your wife, happy for her. “And I really hate to break the moment early, but Anya and I do have to tell you what’s up with the Mountain.”

Lexa nods, getting serious. “Yes. I meant to let you sleep, and only speak with Anya tonight, but as you are awake, both of you can inform me of the Maunon’s atrocities. Clarke, you said my people are still alive?”

“Hundreds, Lexa,” Anya confirms. “All kept in cages, as I was. They keep us, taking a few every day. They return only as bodies – to act as fodder for the Reapers,” she says with disgust. “They bleed us. Others told me about it. No one survives.”

Lexa looks just as perplexed. “It makes no sense. The Reapers at least, have a purpose, as vile as it is. Protection against my armies. But to take our blood?”

A possibility dawns on you. “The radiation,” you realize. “They can’t go outside because of the radiation.”

“Clarke?”

“During my ‘talk’ with Dante – the leader of the Maunon – I figured out that the radiation leftover from the nuclear bombs is deadly to them even now. That’s why they’re stuck in there. But you and your people have been out here from the beginning. You’re practically immune by this point,” you say quickly, on a roll. “Your blood – it must hold some kind of protection. Even inside that mountain – it’s not airtight. Radiation would still leak in and the Maunon would die. Your blood must somehow guard at least from that well enough. But it’s only temporary because a person’s blood is completely recycled every month. That’s why they keep stealing your people. And it can’t be strong enough to deal with a full blow of radiation, which is why they never come outside except with those suits.”

Lexa paces beside her map table, agitated. “I must gather the clans again – tell them there will be war after all. I won’t stand for this any longer. Anya –”

“I am with you, Heda,” Anya answers immediately, standing to attention.

“Update Indra. As her village is nearest the Mountain, she has the most experience in dealing with them and her input will be invaluable. Then rest – I will need you at full strength for the coming war.”

Anya nods. “Of course, Heda.”

“We’ll go over this in more detail in the next few days, when you and Clarke are fully recovered,” Lexa decides. “Have Indra direct you to Raven’s tent when you two are finished. I’m sure you would like to see her. Even if she doesn’t remember, I know she was worried for both of you. As was Octavia.”

Relief courses through you, and you see it on Anya’s face as well. “They’re alright?” you ask.

“Yes. You can speak with them tomorrow, Clarke, after you’ve rested.”

You roll your eyes at her protectiveness, but don’t argue. The truth is you are a little tired to deal with the exuberance that will surely be bursting from both Raven and Octavia tonight. And you’d rather be with Lexa right now, anyways.

No offense to your friends.

At some point while you were lost in thought, Anya has left the tent, and now it’s just you and Lexa when you look back up. Lexa’s eyes are on you and she’s smiling fondly, waiting for your attention to come back to her. You hold out your arms, asking, and Lexa immediately steps into them. She wraps you up in an embrace that is still the only thing that has made you feel truly safe on this planet. You kiss Lexa’s shoulder, then her neck, along her jaw, and finally reach her lips.

Lexa obliges you for a good few minutes before pulling away. “Are you alright? Truly?” she asks fearfully.

You smile the scant inch up at her. “Perfect,” you reassure her, moving your hands to undo the buckles of her jacket.

“You should get more sleep,” Lexa suggests half-heartedly, even as she’s pulling your shirt over your head.

“I don’t want more sleep.” You push the jacket off her shoulders and start on pulling at her pants. “I want you to get yourself out of your clothes, since I’m too impatient to learn all the buckles tonight.”

Lexa chuckles and obeys, getting rid of her shirt and pants and then moving to her knees to divest you of your pants and boots. When you are both entirely naked, Lexa – still kneeling – presses kisses to your navel, your hips, your thighs. “You are so beautiful,” she breathes.

“You’re the beautiful one, pretty girl,” you counter, threading your fingers through her thick curls, needing to be touching some part of her. “Seriously, do you guys have mirrors down here, because – oh.”

Lexa’s mouth on you makes you feel like the air has been punched out of your stomach. Your knees buckle, but somehow, Lexa had maneuvered you until you were leaning up against the table without your knowing, and you catch yourself with your hands on the flat surface. Lexa keeps a tight grip on your hips as well, holding you up. Her mouth stays against you, her tongue alternating between working at your clit and you think trying to get a better taste of you, licking and sucking almost desperately. “I missed you,” she mutters when she takes a moment to breathe, cheek against one of your trembling thighs.

“Missed you so much,” you agree breathlessly, letting yourself drop down so that you are lying on the table with your legs hanging off. You spread them further and tug at Lexa’s curls, urging her back between your legs. Lexa goes willingly, and you hum in pleasure when a finger works its way into you while she goes back to your clit and the skin around it with her mouth.

You close in on the edge of orgasm sooner than you would like, but you’ve been waiting for this since the moment you met Lexa again, and the two of you have been interrupted one too many times since then for you to be able to hold off any longer. Lexa’s got three fingers inside you now and her mouth is solely focused on your clit, driving you higher and higher.

“Lexa!” you gasp a warning, tightening your hand in her hair.

Your wife releases your clit, much to your displeasure, but her fingers keep pumping. “Let go, hodnes,” she urges. “Come for me.” She bites and sucks and nibbles a mark on the skin of the inside of your thigh, curling the fingers inside you.

It’s the feel of her teeth laying claim to you at last that finally lets you fall. Your back arches of its own accord as you let out a long, low moan of pleasure. Lexa moves up your body, pressing kisses along your torso as she goes and paying extra attention to your breasts. She appears to have remembered every particularly sensitive spot on your body, and it keeps pleasurable thrums running through your nerves for a few minutes until she finally reaches your lips again.

“Now you,” you mumble, still catching your breath.

“I’m fine. You should go back to sleep,” Lexa excuses.

You scoot off the table, Lexa steadying you on your feet. She takes your hand, making you smile and tug her along to the bed. “I want to taste you.” Your words are blunt.

Lexa blushes slightly, the same as she always did in your past life. It never got old then and you love it now. “Clarke –”

You cut off the protest before it can really start by falling onto your back on the bed and pulling her down with you. Lexa catches herself on her hands before she can land on your chest, and yeah – her strength is just as sexy now as it was last time around. You feel up her abs just because they’re right there and available and so very appealing. “God, you’re hot.” You lean up to give her a kiss. “I’ll compromise with you. I will lay down on this bed and not move an inch, as long as you come up here and let me taste you,” you propose.

That seems to break the last of Lexa’s so far impressive self-control. Her eyes widen as she nods eagerly, crawling on all fours so that she’s hovering over your chest. You grab her by the hips and pull her forward and down the rest of the way, burying your face in the junction of her thighs.

“Perfect,” you mutter as Lexa gasps above you. “You taste so goddamn perfect, Lex.”

Lexa shudders and moans, clearly attempting to keep herself to a low volume. You understand the need for discretion, but you wish you could hear her cry for you. As she gets closer, Lexa’s weight settles more firmly against you. It makes it harder to breathe, but you’re not complaining. You are completely surrounded by Lexa – her scent, her taste, the feel of her arousal practically dripping – and you know she’s missed this just as much as you.

Lexa comes with a quiet groan when you sneak a finger inside her as you continue suckling on her clit. You clean her up with your tongue as best you can before Lexa slumps over to the side, landing on her shoulder. She cuddles in close to you and you hold her tight, nuzzling at the top of her head while she buries her face in your neck. “I’ve got you,” you whisper. Lexa snakes an arm around your waist and pulls herself half on top of you – your bodies aligned from head to toe. “I’m here,” you reassure her.

“Love you,” Lexa mumbles, her eyes already shut.

“I love you too,” you promise. You settle for the night, weariness returning after your activities.

A thought occurs to you just before you fall asleep, and you nudge Lexa’s side. “Hmm?” she murmurs sleepily.

“Remind me about an idea tomorrow,” you tell her.

“Whatever you want, Clarke,” Lexa agrees, curling in even closer. “I have to tell you something in the morning as well.”

“K.” With that, you’re asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't I say to trust me with Anya? I've got this.


	9. Deep Into a Dying Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to deal with a consequence of her absence.

Your morning does not begin _nearly_ as peacefully as your night ended. You startle awake just after dawn, unsure what disrupted your slumber. Lexa is just beginning to stir, and you smile gently as you kiss her forehead, remembering the night before. The corner of Lexa’s mouth lifts slightly at the touch, and she cuddles closer to you, mumbling incoherently.

The sound of a gunshot interrupts your admiration of your wife and your head turns to the entrance of the tent. There shouldn’t be any guns here. You got rid of them all – Anya had made sure of it. “Lexa,” you whisper urgently. “Lexa, wake up!”

Lexa is awake and aware in an instant, already pulling off the furs and looking for her sword. “Clarke?” she questions.

“Guns,” you tell her. “Someone’s shooting nearby.”

Lexa stiffens. “The Arkkru.”

You shake your head. “No, Anya got rid of all our weapons, Lex. You know that.”

“Not the Skaikru. The Arkkru. That’s what I had to tell you, Clarke. The Ark fell – the morning after you were taken. All of your surviving people are on the Ground,” Lexa informs you solemnly. “And now, one of them is shooting my people.”

Lexa pulls on her armor quicker than you thought would be possible and goes to head outside. You grab her arm and pull her back. “Absolutely not,” you hiss. “If it _is_ someone from the Ark, they’ll know me. They might shoot you and there’s no way I’m letting that happen. Ever. Get your warriors to find any wounded and protect the village. I’ll deal with the shooter.”

Your wife glares at you. “If any of my people heard you speak such to me, you would be dead in an instant,” she reprimands. “Have a care in the future, Clarke.”

You roll your eyes. Now is not the time for discretion – when innocent people could be dying as you speak. “Lecture me later. Save your village now.”

Lexa pulls you toward her, giving you a quick kiss before letting you go. “Be safe,” she murmurs. “Ai gaf yu keryon em ste klir.”

“Tell me what that meant after I fix this.” With that, you’re out of the tent and running headlong toward the sounds of gunfire, Lexa running further into the village to find her generals.

It doesn’t take you long to locate the source of the gunshots. A crowd of villagers are huddled in what looks like an animal pen, and your stomach turns at the thought. There’s crying and screaming, and you’re pretty sure you can see a few lying on the ground and bleeding. You already feel sick – and then you see the cause of all the chaos. “Finn?” you whisper, confused. Why would he be doing this? You duck behind a tree to assess the situation a little better.

“Come on, man.” You can hear Murphy, but you can’t see him. “They didn’t do this, you know that. Just leave it. They can’t tell you anything you don’t already know – leave them alone.”

“When did you start caring about anyone, Murphy?” Finn sneers. “I _know_ they took Clarke and are hiding her somewhere, and I _will_ shoot one of them every minute until _someone_ tells me where she is,” he threatens loudly. Finn grabs a woman, making her scream loudly, and you can’t watch anymore.

“Finn!” you yell, stepping out of your hiding place and approaching slowly. The boy immediately turns, letting go of the woman in his distraction. She runs back to her people, crying. Then you see Murphy step out and place himself between Finn and the rest of the living Trikru. You wonder when the surly teen got heroic tendencies, but you put it aside for the moment, focusing on the murderer in front of you. “What the hell are you doing?” you spit at him. You reach the pen and kneel down next to one child who’s lying on the ground, bleeding from wounds in his leg and side and trying to stifle his cries. He’ll be okay if you can get him medical attention soon. You run your hands gently through his hair, attempting to calm him down. He can’t be older than six, and rage blazes through you at the thought of someone hurting him. “These people are innocent!”

Finn just smiles with a feral glint in his eye that makes you shudder. “I found you,” he breathes. “I knew they were keeping you from me.”

He reaches for you, but you jerk away. “Don’t touch me! You were here, Finn. You were in Ton DC when the Mountain took the rest of us. You _knew_ this couldn’t have been the Trikru’s doing.”

“No, they lied,” Finn shakes his head. “I knew you were here this whole time. And I was right. It’s okay, Clarke – you don’t have to be scared of these savages anymore.”

“Where did you get a gun, Finn?” you change tactics. You’re not getting anywhere with him. “We got rid of them all.”

Finn shrugs. “The Ark. They already know how dangerous the savages can be. I warned them. They’re still trying to find the rest of the stations, but one of the guards gave me a gun. Told me to bring the Delinquents home. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m doing this for you. For us.”

“They’re not _here_. What part of that don’t you understand?” Shouting and war cries interrupts you, and you turn to see Lexa leading her warriors to rescue the villagers. Finn raises his gun, but you throw yourself in front of it, an idea forming in your head. “No, Finn. Run. Run to that bunker you showed me when we first came down, remember?” Back when Finn just seemed like an okay kid with a little too much libido and not enough maturity that gave you a funny feeling. Back before he turned into some kind of crazed stalker slash murderer. “Hide there. I’ll come for you. I promise, okay?” Finn brushes his hand across your cheek, making you flinch, before taking off at a sprint out of the village.

You quickly kneel back down beside the injured boy, putting pressure on the wound at his side. “Murphy!” you yell, looking to where the teen stood silently throughout your standoff with Finn. “Help me! Separate the wounded from the dead and try to stop any bleeding you can.” Shockingly, Murphy does what he’s told, doing his best to calm the people and get them to keep from trampling the wounded on the ground.

The first of the warriors reach you, and they quickly work to free the terrified villagers and get the wounded to the healers. You’re still trying to help the boy when you’re suddenly hauled away from him and thrown to the ground on your back, a sword immediately placed at your throat. “I knew your actions would prove your words false, natrona! Where did you send him!?” Gustus demands, keeping the blade tight against your skin so that you can feel it almost biting into it.

You can see Lexa out of the corner of your eye as you gasp for breath. She looks pissed, afraid, worried, and all kinds of helpless, and you understand. To keep the both of you safe, it cannot be revealed that you are close. And to keep that secret from coming to light, Lexa cannot show favoritism toward you; meaning, saving you – the foreign invader – from her most trusted guard. Lexa can’t protect you right now, no matter how she wishes to. And you understand.

“Gustus, set raun!” Anya shouts, an unexpected arrival but relief courses through you at the sound of her voice. “Do you believe Klark kom Skaikru had something to do with this? I have been with her since before our capture – she has shown nothing but a desire for peace between our peoples. She freed _me_ from the Mountain, leaving her own behind.”

“And yet she helps the ripa escape!” Gustus opposes, his sword not moving an inch away from your throat. “She protects a kripa over innocents when he is her kru.”

“You can have him,” you interrupt, drawing attention back to you. “He’s not one of my people – I don’t know what he is. I sent him to a place where I knew he would stay to buy time for me to help the wounded. I’ll take you to him, I swear. But if you don’t let me go right now, more of your innocent will die. I can help them.”

“Breik em au, Gustus,” Lexa is finally able to step in once you’ve made your case.

Gustus looks at his Commander, incredulity and doubt creeping onto his face. “You believe her, Heda?” he questions.

“I do. Klark kom Skaikru has given me no reason to doubt her word yet. Allow her to assist our healers and comfort our people,” your wife commands. “Then she will lead us to the ripa, and we will have justice. Jus drein jus daun.”

* * *

In less than five minutes, Finn had been able to shoot nineteen innocent villagers, eight of them children. You manage to help Nyko and his assistant save thirteen of them – one with a hastily arranged and rudimentary blood transfusion from yourself that left Nyko in awe – but six are too far gone, including a little girl no more than eight. It takes several hours for you and Nyko to treat all the patients, and once the survivors are stable, you run to the nearest latrine to empty your stomach.

Anya finds you as you wipe away the last of the bile from your mouth. “Come on, Clarke,” she urges gently. “It’s time to go.” She hands over a canteen of water and a small package of food. “You will need the strength,” the general tells you when you try to hand to food back.

You sigh and take the food, nibbling on it slowly and gulping the water as you walk to where a group of Trikru warriors are gathered with their horses. One more thing you’re going to have to deal with today – the horses. You suck it up and go to the one Anya points out to you, eyeing it warily.

“Allow me to assist you, Klark,” Lexa says from behind you. You have to contain a small smile at her chivalry and merely nod your head, mindful of those around you. Lexa boosts you into the saddle before gracefully mounting her own, and is ready to go by the time you’ve settled into the leather seat.

“Show off,” you mutter under your breath so no one can hear you.

“Klark. You will join me at the front, so that you may lead us to the ripa,” Lexa commands.

You hesitantly give your horse a nudge with your feet, relief washing through you when he obligingly ambles forward. Maybe it won’t be too hard to get used to this riding thing. “I don’t know exactly where we are in relation to the dropship,” you admit, “but the bunker I told Finn to go to is about five miles south of there.”

“And how are we to know that you are not some spicha, Skaigada?” Gustus growls from behind Lexa. “Even if the ripa is there, there could be dozens of your kru lying in wait with fayagon at the ready.”

Lexa lifts a palm. “Em pleni, Gustus,” she orders. “Your ship is twenty miles north of us,” she tells you.

“So fifteen miles then, in a small clearing by the river. We used a large boulder as the landmark to find it again,” you inform them.

“I know the place, Heda,” Anya speaks up. “It’s little more than a two mark ride.”

You turn to speak directly to Gustus. “There won’t be people from the Ark there. I didn’t even know they’d brought the Ark down until the Commander told me this morning. And I couldn’t have made a plan with Finn, because I was briefing Heda on the Mountain all night.”

“Once again, you offer pretty words instead of action,” Gustus mutters. “You –”

“I said enough, Gustus,” Lexa hisses. Gustus subsides, still glaring at you. Whatever headway you’d made with him last week, it’s all but gone now. “Klark, do you have a plan for the boy’s capture that will keep my gona from harm?”

You nod. “I’ll go in and lure him out. Finn has some kind of – obsession – with me.” You don’t miss Lexa’s hand tightening on the hilt of her sword. “He believes I need rescuing from your people – that it was Ton DC that held me captive and not Mount Weather. With the state of mind he’s in, he’ll listen to anything I say.” Unease swirls in your gut at the knowledge of what turning Finn over to Lexa’s people means. You’ll basically be signing off on his execution. But then you remember the little boy he shot – Zeun, his parents had said as they thanked you profusely for saving him – and your resolve tightens. Finn has to be punished for what he did.

Lexa agrees to your plan with a nod, but you can see the worry for your safety in her eyes. After that, silence reigns throughout the troop until you reach the bunker a couple hours later. You ask Lexa to have her warriors position themselves at the outskirts of the clearing, both to set them at ease about possible ambushes and to avoid Finn being clued in to your arrival. Lexa agrees, but sends Gustus and Anya to the entrance with you, where they will lie in wait for Finn to exit his haven. The three of you approach silently – well, Anya and Gustus are silent, you just try not to walk like the horse you recently dismounted.

You motion for the two Grounders to stay put once you reach the entrance, and open the cover when they halt. “Finn?” you call down, preparing to go in. “Finn, are you there?”

“In here, Princess.”

You shudder at the nickname, and glance one more time in Lexa’s direction before she disappears from your sight. You can see the worry in her eyes even from a dozen yards away. Her entire body is tense. You bite your lip and descend the ladder, hoping that there isn’t some nasty surprise waiting for you. “Finn we have to go.” You’re startled to find Finn standing right at the bottom rung, staring at you both like you’re the last thing he ever wants to see in life and also a meal. It’s utterly unnerving. You quickly try to recollect yourself. “I barely got out of the village so we need to leave, okay? Get to the Ark.”

“Whatever you say, Princess,” Finn agrees easily. “Now that I’ve found you, everything’s going to be fine.”

“– Right. I’ll go up first, make sure the coast is clear, then you come up alright?”

“Sounds good.” You can feel his eyes on you as you go up the ladder again. “Looks good, too.”

You shake your head. “Not the time.” _Never_ the time. You almost hesitate at the top of the ladder, steeling yourself for what’s going to come next. If you’d had anything left in your stomach after this morning, you would be throwing up some more right now. This isn’t a decision you should have to make. Finn deserves to pay the price for what he did, yes, but why do you have to be the one to sign the bill? For all that this is your second life, you’re only eighteen this time around. If you’d really been a teenager – everything that’s happened so far – you’d be broken already with this blow to your conscience and soul. And with the Delinquents all imprisoned in the Mountain, decisions are only going to get more bleak. You take a deep breath and make eye contact with Anya. “The coast is clear.”

Once you clear the bunker, you get out of the way as quickly and quietly as possible, and Anya and Gustus move in. Gustus has Finn off the ladder and in a chokehold before he can even touch the ground, and Anya is just as quick to hold a knife to his throat so Gustus can restrain him.

“Clarke?” Finn is bewildered, and if you were a better person, you might have felt more than just a twinge of guilt over what the boy sees as betrayal. But you keep Zeun in your mind as you watch Anya haul Finn away and tie him to her saddle. “Clarke! I came to save you! I did it for you!”

He’s pleading with his eyes, but you don’t move. You shake your head, unable to say anything. Gustus walks to your side. “Perhaps I misjudged you yet again, Klark kom Skaikru,” he says quietly.

“He deserves to die. Why do I feel like I’m the one that sold my soul to the devil?”

A comforting hand lands on your shoulder. “Jus drein jus daun,” Gustus replies. “Blood must have blood. What you have done will allow those who suffered losses today to find peace. Remember them tonight. Ste yuj.”

“What does that mean?” you ask, desperate for a distraction as you watch Anya mount and kick her horse into motion, forcing Finn to practically run to keep up as more warriors surround him. Lexa stays behind, her eyes still on you.

“Be strong. Do what is necessary. I understand now why Heda places so much trust in you after so short a time.”

 _If only you knew_. The thought makes you smile just a bit.

“Now come. Mount your horse,” Gustus orders gruffly, but not unkindly. Seems like you’re back in his favor. “We must return to Ton DC. The trees are never entirely safe.” He walks with you back to your horse and carefully boosts you into the saddle, holding the reins until you are situated semi-comfortably.

The ride back to the village is just as silent as the journey out was, except you can feel Lexa’s eyes on you the whole time. You don’t want to worry her any more than necessary, but you just realized that you have to tell Raven that you’re going to be responsible for her ex-boyfriend’s death. Sure, she broke up with him and has been pissed at him for a few weeks now, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he was the one who took care of her when they were kids. Finn was her only family when she was young, and no matter how angry Raven is at him, you know this is going to kill her. And it’s your fault. Finn did it for _you._

When you get back to Ton DC, you quickly dismount and look around, trying to see if you can spot Raven or Octavia anywhere. Before you can go in search of them, Lexa takes your arm and moves you aside. “Heda, I need to find Raven and let her know –”

Lexa interrupts before you can finish. “I know, Klark. But first, I must speak with you.” Having arrived earlier, Anya has already put Finn God knows where and comes over when Lexa beckons her. “I must speak with both of you. Privately.”

“Yes, Heda,” Anya agrees instantly.

 _Suck up_ , you think to yourself. Lexa leads the two of you to her tent. She’s almost – fidgeting. If she were anyone else you would say they were nervous. “Lexa, what’s going on? What do you have to tell us?”

“First, I need to apologize. I should have kept a better eye on her. I should have known what she would attempt,” Lexa rambles.

“What are you talking about Lexa?” Anya asks.

Lexa takes a deep breath, appearing near tears. The look on her face unnerves you more than anything else, and you can feel your stomach fill with dread.

“Tris is missing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any of you read my other stuff and missed it, my angsty soulmate AU Almost Three is now complete! Slowly finishing things off, which means I can feel less guilty about new ideas, which is always exciting. So go take a peek at that if you haven't already and as always, thanks for reading!


	10. What the World Stole From Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much is happening and Clarke can barely keep up.

“What do you mean, ‘missing’?” Tris can’t be missing. No. You can’t take one more thing. With the kidnapping of your people, the Ark coming down, and Finn’s upcoming execution, you can’t stomach this. “Please tell me I heard you wrong.”

Lexa is quick to take your hands, pulling you close to her. “Tris disappeared the morning after you, Anya, and the rest were taken. We don’t know for certain if she was taken as well, or if she followed you in.”

You shake your head, tears beginning to well in your eyes. “No. She can’t be in there.” A sob breaks out of you, and Lexa quickly pulls you into her, tucking your head into her neck. “Please, Lexa. Please. We have to get her back.”

“We will, niron,” Lexa soothes quietly, holding you tight. “Tris is strong and smart. She was upset with Anya for leaving her behind, and I have reason to believe that she wanted to find you as well.”

Anya breaks into the conversation for the first time, drawing your attention. “Tris wasn’t in any of the cages while I was there. I would have known. All of Trikru knows she is my second. Some of the more recent captives would have seen her and reported it back through the cages to me.” The warrior looks upset, but it’s hard to tell. She’s still remaining stoic. But her hands are clenched, her frown a bit deeper.

You sniff, wiping your eyes. “I didn’t see her either,” you mumble into Lexa’s shoulder.

“She very well could have found a way in an adult warrior would fail to see,” Lexa allows. “Perhaps she saw the Skaikru being captured, and followed in the hopes of being able to free Anya. This just means that we will have to move all the more quickly – but carefully – against the Mountain.”

“We _have_ to get her out, Lex.”

“I promise you, Clarke. I will do everything in my power to get our daughter back. Whatever is necessary,” Lexa swears.

You nod, slightly reassured. You trust Lexa to keep her word. She’ll get Tris back if it’s the last thing she does. Lexa always protected you and your kids in your past life – took care of you. You lean further into Lexa, letting her take your weight. You’re already exhausted, and it’s probably only early afternoon. You still have to speak with Raven and Octavia, and Finn’s execution is tomorrow night. There’s too much going on – you feel like the world is spinning on without you and you can’t keep up. “Okay. Okay,” you gather yourself. “I have to find Raven. And then we get through tonight, and tomorrow. The day after we can come up with a plan, right? To get Tris and everyone else out of the Mountain?”

Lexa nods, bringing you close to kiss your temple. “I will fix this, hodnes,” she promises you once again. “Do you want me to go with you when you speak with Raven?”

“I could go as well,” Anya adds quickly.

“No,” you shake your head, grateful for their offers nonetheless. “This is my fault. Finn killed those people for – because of – me. I turned him over to your people, I’m the reason he’s going to die. She has to hear it from me.”

You can feel Lexa practically growl at your words. “That kripa murdered my people because that is who he is. He was looking for an excuse. Finn could have said he was trying to rescue Raven. She was his actual intended, at one time, and he knew she was here. He left her here. And yet he used your name. It has nothing to do with you, Clarke,” she reassures you. “Finn would have brought a fayagon here no matter what.”

Faced with that reasoning, you can only nod. “But still, I’m their leader. It was my decision to hand him in, my deception that made it possible. I have to try to make things right with her.”

“Do what you think you must,” Lexa finally agrees, “but know that no fault is your own. Do not blame yourself.” She presses another kiss to your temple, her hand on the back of your head making you feel safe and secure for the first time since you got out of bed this morning. “Raven and Octavia were held in their tent under guard until we could determine who the threat was. They should still be there – Anya can take you to them and will wait for you outside. Take as much time as you need, Clarke, but after, come back here. I want you to rest this afternoon – I can excuse it as planning how to approach the Ark.”

* * *

As soon as you walk into Raven and Octavia’s tent, you are accosted by two pairs of arms.

“Clarke!” both of the girls shout happily, hugging you tight.

“We were so worried about you!” Octavia continues. “Heda was furious when she heard all of you had been kidnapped. I think she was ready to go to war. All Lincoln would say was that no one has ever gotten out of the Mountain after being taken and that it was a lost cause for us to try and rescue you guys.”

Raven nods in agreement. “I almost didn’t believe Anya when she told us last night that you’d escaped together. We thought you were a floater for sure. You alright, Princess?”

You swallow hard. “Been better, Rae. But thanks. I was worried about you guys too.”

“Psh,” Octavia scoffs. “Ye of little faith. We were with Heda and General Indra. Do you know how badass they are?”

“I’m getting an idea, yeah.”

You guys talk for a few more minutes, the other two girls asking anxiously about the rest of your people, and you wish that you had something more concrete to tell them apart from you don’t know. You tell them about your solitary confinement and resulting escape with Anya. They’d heard some of the story from the general the night before, but you’re able to give them more details.

“What happened this morning, Griff?” Raven asks when you have exhausted the topic of the Mountain for the time being. “O and I were barely awake before there’s shots, screams, and guards at our door forcing us to stay inside.”

You blanch. “I’ll get to that. The Commander told me about the Ark coming down,” you avoid the topic for another moment. “Has there been any progress with making contact?”

Raven shrugs. “Little bit by radio, but not so much. O and I were supposed to head over there with Lincoln and a few others today, but what with you and Anya’s dramatic return last night, and all the mystery this morning, I guess things got put on hold for the moment.”

“What happened out there, Clarke?” Octavia asks. You know she’s just itching to get outside again – being cooped up the way she was in space is making her antsy. “Were the Arkers shooting at the Trikru? Is that why we’ve been locked up in here?”

You shake your head. “No. It was Finn.”

Raven gasps. “The Ark shot Finn?’

“No.” You almost wish that was the case. “Finn rounded up a group of the villagers and started threatening them. Eventually, he started shooting. He killed six people, including a little girl and a teenager, and wounded thirteen others, one of them a six year old.”

Raven looks absolutely dumbfounded. “But – why would he do that? It doesn’t make any sense. He wouldn’t – he couldn’t do something like that. There has to be a reason, Clarke.” Her mouth opens and closes a few times as she searches for words. “I know he’s been a little messed up since we all came down, but that’s not Finn. He’s never been violent.”

“I’m sorry, Raven.”

“Where is he now?”

You take a deep breath, steeling yourself. This could be the end of your shortly renewed friendship with Raven. “I led the Commander to where he was hiding. He’s being held for execution tomorrow.” Raven nods, biting her lip. She won’t meet your gaze, and your chest aches at the thought of having lost your best friend because of that murderer.

“I just – I just need a minute,” Raven stutters. “How could he do something like that? What the fuck was he thinking? And then he goes and hides like a child so that you have to go find him?” You can see anger building in her.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat helplessly, not knowing if that anger will next be directed at you.

Raven shakes her head. “No. It’s horrible, and sucks, but it was the right thing for you to do. All those families…” she trails off. “That’s not the boy I grew up with. I don’t know what happened to him, but the Finn who took care of me is gone. It’s his own fault for murdering innocent people in cold blood. Does the Ground really change us that much?”

“You’re either made for it or it destroys you,” Octavia murmurs. “Is Lincoln okay? Does this mean the truce is over, Clarke?”

That, at least, is some good news you can give them. “Lincoln’s fine,” you reassure her. “And no, the truce isn’t over. The Commander understands that Finn was working alone. I think the Ark will be in the shitbox for having given him the gun, even though it was just one guard, but we’re going to be okay. I’ll just have to talk some sense into Jaha when I go over there tomorrow.” There hadn’t really been a lot of talk – or, any – of you traveling to the Ark to discuss arrangements, but it’s something you know needs to be done. And the sooner the better.

“Oh. That’s something you don’t know.”

“What don’t I know, Octavia?”

“Jaha didn’t make it to the ground. Died in some kind of explosion before he could reach a pod, Kane said. Kane’s kind of sharing chancellor duties right now,” the younger girl explains quickly.

You frown. That could make things complicated. You’ve hated Jaha ever since he ordered your father’s execution, but you’ve known him your entire life because of Wells. You know how to deal with him. “Well, who is he sharing the job with?” you ask, exasperated.

“Your mom.”

Of course. Because this needed to get more difficult.

* * *

You know Lexa told you to come right back after dealing with Raven and Octavia, but you are drawn to the healer’s tent. You give Anya the slip – or more likely, she lets you go. You’re exhausted both physically and mentally, and you need to see that the wounded survivors are still all alive and healing. That none else have perished in the time you’ve been away. Nyko is a fine healer, but you’re still worried. Raven seemed to understand your actions, and honestly took the news of Finn’s impending execution better than you ever expected, but once she gets over the shock and anger at Finn, that could change in an instant to anger towards you for giving him up. And after every bombshell that’s hit you today, you just need a little reassurance that _something_ isn’t taking a dramatic turn for the worse.

It relieves you to find that all is quiet in the tent when you go in. Nyko is puttering around between patients – some water here, coaxing a child to down some medicine there. “Skai Heda,” he acknowledges quietly. “Several with minor wounds I have sent to their homes and seingadas.”

You nod, grateful for the information. “That’s good to hear, Nyko. How are the rest?”

“None are in immediate danger. We will just have to be watchful for fotoblida – infection,” he elaborates when you give him a confused look. “We do not often have wounds from fayagon here.”

After that, Nyko leaves you to your own devices, and you gravitate toward the youngest patient still in the tent: Zeun. His parents are no longer at his side, but you figure they must have been called to other duties for the time being. You’ll keep him company for a little while.

* * *

“Klark, chit yu dula?” Lexa practically barks as she enters the tent.

You jump, startled, but don’t jerk on the bandage you are carefully winding around Zeun’s side after assessing that the stitches you gave him were holding nicely. “English, beja, Heda,” you remind her. Your Trigedasleng still needs a lot of work.

Lexa shakes her head. “Moba. What are you doing here – it was requested that you join the meeting in the command tent.”

“Sorry, Commander. I didn’t mean to make you wait and miss the meeting. I just wanted to check on this little man, here.” You smile down at Zeun, who blinks up at you shyly, blushing a bit at the attention from you and his Heda. The six year old hides his face in your thigh, making you grin a little wider.

Lexa kneels down next to the boy’s bed. “Chon yu bilaik?” she asks softly.

Zeun peeks from beside you, meeting Lexa’s gaze. “Ai laik yun os gona, Heda!” he shouts, using up all of his courage and immediately hiding behind you again.

His words make Lexa chuckle softly, and she reaches over to ruffle his hair. “Sha, yu bilaik,” she agrees. “My strong warrior, yes?” she asks slowly, enunciating carefully. Lexa was always great with kids.

The boy takes a moment to translate the words in his head. “Y-es,” he says, then yawns.

“Reshop, Zeun,” Lexa murmurs as you pull his blanket up over his shoulders. The both of you get up to leave the boy to his healing slumber. “Klark, join me outside, beja.”

“Alright.” You follow her out and to her tent. Lexa is stiff and silent the whole way, and you wonder what’s got her sash in a twist.

“Gustus, we are not to be disturbed,” Lexa orders. “The Skai Heda and I have much to discuss about the landing of their Ark.”

“Sha, Heda,” Gustus bows his head respectfully, giving you a short nod as well.

Once you’re alone, you begin to speak. “Lexa, I –”

Lexa whirls around, pulling you into a tight hug. “You cannot just go wandering off, Clarke,” she reprimands you, holding you close and one hand tangled in your hair. “There are those of my people who will not care to make the distinction between murderer and the rest of his people. You could be in danger. You can’t escape Anya or any guard I put with you, please, Clarke. Especially when the generals of the other clans arrive in a few days.”

Understanding now, you lean into the embrace. “I’m sorry, Lex. I just – I’m tired,” you confess. “I’m tired of being in charge, but I don’t trust anyone else to do it. Raven and Octavia told me that my mom is acting as co-Chancellor since Jaha was killed. Now I have to go talk to her and get her to agree to a truce with you guys after Finn talked shit about the Trikru and got them all riled up enough for a guard to give him a gun. Finn’s going to be executed tomorrow night, generals from other clans are coming, my people are trapped in the Mountain, Tris is missing, and I can’t –”

Lexa cuts off your ongoing ramble with a forceful kiss, nudging you backwards. You can’t really tell where you’re going until the backs of your knees hit Lexa’s bed. You drop down to sit on the furs, and Lexa kneels in front of you. “You are not alone in this, ai niron,” she murmurs. “Breathe. I am here. I wish I could take this burden from you, but we both know that you are the best choice for leading your people. You do not have to attend the murderer’s execution if you do not wish to. It will not be quick – that is not my people’s way. It will be difficult to watch. I cannot convince the Arkers to go along with what you say, but you have my utmost faith that you will succeed in making them see sense. As for the generals, we will deal with that together, and I swore to you that I would get Tris out of the Mountain safely. I will keep my promise. You are not alone, Clarke,” Lexa repeats.

You nod, holding back tears. Lexa’s being sweet, which always makes you want to cry, because she only ever was like that around you and your kids. You’re glad she hasn’t lost that part of herself after being Heda to her people for so long. Heda can’t afford to be sweet, but Lexa has been nothing but since you found her. “I love you.” Those are the only words you can offer her.

“I love you, too,” Lexa smiles easily. “It will be alright, hodnes.” She nudges you until you crawl up the bed and lifts the furs for you to curl under. “Rest now,” she encourages. It’s only the late afternoon, but you feel like you could sleep for days. “I will wake you for the evening meal. Tomorrow morning some gona and I will escort you to the Ark’s encampment. We’ll discuss a merger of the truce if they are willing, but for now, I consider you Skaikru and the Arkers to be separate entities. They will have to prove themselves the same as you did,” she explains. You nod sleepily. “But that’s a worry for tomorrow. Sleep, Clarke.”

Lexa moves to stand, but you grab onto her arm. “Stay with me?” you plead.

Your wife leans over and presses a kiss to your temple. “Always,” she promises. She settles down at your side, pulling you into her protective embrace. “There are things I must yet see to before the day is done, but I will stay until you sleep and be here when you wake. You’re safe with me. Rest,” she commands softly.

Exhausted, you’re powerless to do anything but obey – comfortable, warm, safe, loved – and after the day’s events, sleep is a welcome darkness.


	11. Painted Beautiful in Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the Skaikru has to pay a price, and there's a reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a quick update, isn't it? Forewarning, Finn's execution is in this chapter, and while I don't draw it out, there is some detail. So skip that if you need to, it should be obvious when it's about to start. Other than that, enjoy!

“Wake up, hodnes,” a soft voice whispers near your ear, waking you from a sound sleep. Kisses are pressed down the line of your jaw and then make their way under and down your neck. You tilt your head accommodatingly but refuse to open your eyes. “Look at me, Clarke,” Lexa instructs.

Reluctantly, you obey, and are greeted with your wife’s tiny smile. “Hey Lexa,” you greet, voice still raspy and sleep-filled.

Lexa’s smile widens. “Good morning.” She leans down to give you a kiss on the lips this time. “Are you feeling well?”

You hum contently. “So much better,” you reassure her. “Thank you. For making me slow down.”

“Anytime, Clarke.” Getting an idea, you thrust with your hips, forcing Lexa to roll onto her side. “What are you doing?” You get her to move easily, but you know that if she didn’t want to, there’s no way you could make Lexa do anything. She’s far too strong.

“Let me thank you properly,” you purr, teasing at the hem of Lexa’s shirt. You hear Lexa give a barely audible gasp – more a sharp inhale than anything – when you scoot down and press a kiss right above her bellybutton. “So good to me,” you murmur, each kiss progressing lower until you reach the ties of Lexa’s pants. You look up the length of your wife’s torso for permission. “Taking care of me.”

Lexa has her hands fisted in the furs, her eyes wide open and fixed on you. “Clarke,” she chokes out.

“What, pretty girl?” you ask, still busy kissing around Lexa’s navel while you wait for her to become coherent. “What do you want?” Lexa jerks her hips minutely, silent permission and pleading that you understand. “Okay, Lexa. I’ve got you,” you reassure her.

The ties of Lexa’s pants are fairly easy to undo, but you feel that there are more than necessary. It takes some work to get them all undone, but you keep Lexa and yourself distracted by continuing to lave attention to the skin next to her bellybutton, mouthing and nipping and sucking until a red and purple mark forms and darkens.

“No-nothing visible,” Lexa stutters out, interrupted by a moan.

“I’ll be careful,” you promise, not letting your mouth roam far from the claim it’s staked. “I love you.” You finally get her pants down and realize that no underpants is definitely a Grounder thing. Or at least a Lexa thing. You wonder if they ever bother with them, but pull yourself from the mundane distraction. To make up for your momentary lack of attention, you suck another mark on the other side of Lexa’s navel.

Lexa shudders under your mouth, making wonderful, quiet noises at the back of her throat. You move down further, leaving soft kisses as you go, until you reach her mound. It doesn’t take long with your tongue in her for Lexa to come quietly, her back arched so perfectly that you need to feel the muscles strain in that position. Hard lines meet your hands instead of smooth skin, immediately drawing you out of the happy state you’d been in.

Once Lexa has recovered, you gently urge her to roll over. “Lexa!” you gasp in horror. Old scars crisscross her back, leaving almost no skin unmarred. How did you not notice this the last time you had Lexa naked? You suppose you were half delirious with exhaustion, and never really had her back facing you, but that’s no excuse. You run a trembling hand over her skin – the wounds are long healed, you can see that, but anger burns within you and you want to murder whoever dared to lay a hand on your wife.

Lexa rolls back over slowly, removing the scars from your sight despite your protests. “Natblidas train from a young age,” she begins to explain calmly. “Our caretaker – the Fleimkepa – had rules. Those who did poorly in warrior training were punished. The worst Natblida each week was given ten lashes.”

You gape at her. “But why would you –” Lexa is Heda now. No way could she have been the worst in training.

“Ten lashes. No matter the age,” Lexa clarifies. “The smallest Natblida was five years younger than me. He was five when he first came to Polis, older than most Natblida are when they are found – I was two when I was brought in – and thus he was far behind in training beyond the basics. He came from a village deep within the forests, typically left alone, so warriors are less necessary. He couldn’t keep up at first.”

“You took the lashes for him.” You don’t need the confirmation. Of _course_ that’s what Lexa would have done. “You pretended to be the worst to spare the boy.”

Lexa nods sharply. “The Fleimkepa gave up on trying to ‘teach’ me, after a while, when I did not improve. Said that I would never survive the Conclave so there was no point in teaching me anything more.” She smiles a bit, and you wonder what kind of good memory could possibly be attached to such continual undeserved pain. It sounds more like torture, than anything. “Anya rescued me. Saw me practicing difficult formations in private one afternoon and knew me as the Unteachable Natblida. She took me in as her seken. The Fleimkepa was glad to be rid of me. Only once I was under Anya’s charge did I allow myself to show my true skill.”

“And now?” you ask carefully, not wanting to upset her by questioning Grounder traditions.

“I take greater responsibility for my Natblida than the Commanders before me. I forbade whipping and other corporal punishments for failure to learn quickly enough,” Lexa replies, looking proud. She has every right to be. “I have limited the Fleimkepa’s power over my Natblida to scholarship only. Those who do poorly in weapons training receive personal time with me every week whenever I am stationed in Polis.”

You nod. Lexa’s actions remind you of her little ducklings in your past life. All those students who hung on to her every word and did their best to please her. You can imagine that these Natblida – you remind yourself to ask what that word means later – are similar in this life. “And the boy? What happened to him?”

“Only those Natblida above a certain age are allowed to compete in the Conclave. He was too young for mine, so a Natblida he remained. He’s now my most promising student.” Lexa smiles softly, and you wonder what she’s thinking about. “Aiden.”

Your eyes prick with tears and you shake your head in wonder because of _course_. Of course your son is who Lexa has protected all his life. Your beautiful, sweet, smart boy who you can’t wait to meet again. Once you rescue his troublemaking sister from the Mountain. You lean down to lay kisses all over Lexa’s face, expressing your gratitude for her however possible. “You beautiful girl,” you murmur between kisses. “You gorgeous, kind, smart, loving girl. Protecting our son, even when you didn’t know who he was to us. I love you so much. Thank you.”

* * *

It was another few hours before you were ready to head over to the Ark, but if you and Lexa were going to be back in time for Finn’s execution tonight, you needed to leave soon. The thought of what the night would bring makes you want to delay the trip more, but you force yourself to get ready, speaking with Lexa about some strategies to make the adults listen to you, and to Raven and Octavia about anything they think would be important to mention. Raven is subdued while you are talking to her, but doesn’t appear to be angry with you, which is a plus.

You’re ready to go by an hour before noon, if you’re judging the sun correctly. Which you probably aren’t. But it’s somewhere around midday. Lexa brings only a small troop of warriors and herself to accompany you. You’re proud to say that you manage to clamber onto the horse with no hesitation or whining this time. Small accomplishment. It’s the same gold colored horse you’ve ridden before, and you wonder if Lexa’s designated – him? – to you specifically. You check its hindquarters. Her – oops. You name her Celmins in your head, after your favorite artist both from your past life and from the records back on the Ark. You nod over to Lexa that you’re all set, and she gives the order to move out.

On your way past the village borders, you can see Octavia listening seriously to some instruction that Indra is giving. Or insult. With Indra, you never know. Raven is not too far off – the girls have grown close in their time together in a strange village – chattering away about something probably mechanical related while Anya listens, looking at her with fondness. You hope for Anya’s sake that Raven remembers soon, but even if she doesn’t, it’s obvious that Raven is already infatuated with the stoic warrior.

It takes less than an hour for you to ride to the Ark’s crash site, which is a much more convenient travel time than to the dropship. You can hear the buzz of people talking the moment you and the Trikru emerge from the trees’ shadows. They probably think you’re staging some kind of attack, which is stupid, since Lexa would never try to siege a fortified area with eight guards as her army. She’s not stupid.

“Stay where you are!” a guard finally speaks. You look up, and you see him stationed on the wall the Ark managed to erect within a few days of landing.

You keep walking forward. Even if he shoots, the guard will probably miss. You can see his gun barrel shaking from here.

“I’m warning you. We’re armed, so stay back, savage!” the guard yells down.

You roll your eyes at his stupidity. This might be even harder than you thought it would be. “It’s Clarke Griffin!” you shout up at him impatiently. “Are you going to let me in to see the Chancellor, or what?”

“Clarke Griffin?” You can hear general murmuring pick up inside the walls. “Clarke?” One voice stands out amongst the rest. “Open the gate! Now!” The guards are quick to obey.

While the gate is crawling open, you quickly turn to Lexa. “Commander, I think it would be safest if you and your people retreated for the time being. All the people of the Ark has heard about your people are Finn’s lies, and I think they might be a little trigger happy around you.”

Lexa looks like she wants to protest, but she keeps her mouth shut. She dips her head in acknowledgement and signals her warriors to retreat. “Make them see sense quickly, Skai Heda,” she orders, her tone all business. “And make certain that they understand that our dealings are with you and you alone. We will not accept any other leader.” Her warriors are gone from sight, and she lowers her voice. “Return to me soon, niron.”

You give your wife a tiny smile. “I’ll do my best. I love you.”

“Ai hod yu in, Clarke.” With that, Lexa too melts into the forest with ease.

Feeling bereft without Lexa’s reassuring presence at your side, you approach the Ark to confront your mother. Your feelings surrounding her are complicated. This will be the first time you’ve seen or spoken to Abby since you remembered your past life. You had problems with her back then for a long time, but you remember that version of her with love. In this life, your anger at her is much nearer the surface. Your father’s death was barely a year ago, and this time, Abby is directly responsible for it. You love her, still – she was your teacher, your hero, as a kid – but you haven’t forgiven her for turning Jake into Jaha and Kane. You may never forgive her. But for the good of your people and Lexa’s, you’re going to have to be able to at least be civil with her.

“Clarke!” You recognize your mother’s voice and then she’s running through the gates, pulling you into a hug.

Without your consent, your arms raise up to wrap around Abby and return the embrace. When Abby’s only response is to tighten her grip, you bury your face in her shoulder, sniffling. No matter how angry with her you are, your mom is still a safe place. And after everything that’s happened in the last month or so, safety means a lot more to you than it used to. “Mom,” you choke out.

“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. You’re safe now.” She kisses your forehead. “When Finn told us that you’d been captured by those – Grounders, he called them – I was so worried I’d never see you again. How did you escape?”

You shake your head, backing out of your mom’s embrace. “Finn lied, Mom. He lied about all of it. The Trikru aren’t savages – they’re survivors. They took us in, took care of all of us. The Trikru were teaching us how to survive down here.”

Abby looks confused. “Then where were you? All Raven would say over the radio was that you and everyone except a few were all missing. How can ninety-five kids just go missing?”

“Seventy,” you spit out bitterly. “We lost twenty-five kids, including _Wells_ , before the Trikru saved us. Because you guys thought using a hundred _children_ as guinea pigs for your science experiment was a good idea. And that safe haven Jaha thought was such a brilliant plan? It’s a nightmare. You think people didn’t know about it before the missiles fell? Well they did, and they’ve been living there ever since, trapped by the radiation. They’re killing the Trikru for their blood to use as protection. And they have the other seventy of _my_ people – the children Finn told you the Trikru had captive. The Commander is trying her best to come up with a way to rescue them and the rest of her people, and I’m helping her.”

Your mom chooses that moment to break into your rant. “What we did was the best choice for the Ark. To see if Earth was survivable –”

“The best choice, maybe. But not the right one,” you snarl. “I had to take care of all of them, Mom! And you let them send Wells down! A twelve year old girl _stabbed_ him, just because he looks like his fucking father, who executed both her parents. And then she jumped off a cliff because she couldn’t handle her guilt and grief. She was _twelve._ I have another twelve year old scared of his own shadow and Octavia who barely knows what it’s like to stretch her legs. What was I supposed to do?”

“Clarke, just stop for a minute. I’m so sorry about Wells. I know you’re angry, and I deserve that,” Abby says.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. You hadn’t meant to lose your temper. The last thing everyone needs is for you and Abby to be at odds with each other. You have to get the Ark willing to work with the Trikru, and that won’t happen if you can’t work with the current Chancellor, no matter how angry at your mother you are. “That’s not the issue right now. The _issue_ is that one of your guards gave Finn a gun, and he went and shot up an innocent village while claiming I was being held captive by them. He killed six people. The Trikru have set his execution for tonight.”

Abby looks horrified. “They can’t just decide things like that! He’s not one of their people, he’s one of ours.”

“And what would you do?” you snap, offended on Lexa’s behalf. “The Ark is no better! You killed my dad for wanting to save his people, but you wouldn’t kill Finn for murdering a _child_?”

“Things are different now,” Abby pleads. “So few of us made it down. We could give him a trial, set an appropriate punishment. Those Grounders have no right to decide his fate. Surely you don’t approve of what they’re planning to do.”

“I _gave_ him to them,” you growl, fighting down the bit of guilt you can’t help feeling about your role in his death. “Or did you miss the part where I told you he killed six innocent civilians? It _is_ their right to decide his fate. Jus drein jus daun. Blood must have blood.” You back up a step, wanting to escape back to Lexa’s arms. “The Commander has said a few of you may attend the execution if you wish, and that you can speak with her about a possible truce between your people and hers. But she wanted me to warn you in advance: the Trikru and the rest of the Coalition of the Twelve Clans will only recognize me as the Skaikru Heda. The Commander of the Sky People. The position of Chancellor means nothing to them. Any deals you make will go through me.”

“Clarke…”

You shake your head. “Your people have to prove themselves to Heda. And you, Mom? You have to prove yourself to me. The Commander can get my people out of Mount Weather, with or without you. But it would be far easier with your help and firepower. Make the _right_ choice this time, Mom.” You turn around, heading back for the woods.

Abby steps after you. “Where are you going, Clarke? You can’t just leave. Not now.”

“I’m going home.” Abby recoils, but you keep going. “I’ll try to see you tonight, if you come. The Commander will leave some guards behind to escort you to Ton DC. Be ready before sunset if you plan on coming, or they will leave without you.” You halt at the edge of the trees, and turn back to where your mother is watching after you forlornly. “I do love you, Mom. And I’m glad you’re safe,” you say softly, easing the blow of all your harsh words. “But things are different now. _I’m_ different.” _You have no idea how much._ “I’m not that little girl anymore.”

Abby nods sadly. “I love you too. Just – be safe, Clarke.”

You give her a small smile. “Trust me. There’s nowhere safer than where I’m going.” Not when Lexa is by your side.

* * *

The sun goes down sooner than you would like. The execution is drawing nearer, and you’re still not sure if you’ll be able to stomach going. Lexa has given you an out, but if you’re going to be taken seriously as the Skaikru’s leader, then you can’t show any kind of weakness. You can’t put Lexa in the position of having to choose between you and what she knows is in her people’s best interest.

Lexa’s had a tub of hot water prepared for you in her tent, and after weeks of either cleaning yourself hastily in a cold stream or just being dirty, a hot bath feels wonderful. Lexa has been with her people for the most part since you got back to Ton DC; speaking with Gustus and Anya about how to move forward with both the alliance and the Mountain, or meeting up with Raven to get caught up on where she is with building more radios and any ideas she has on manufacturing weapons for the Mountain. You’ve seen her in passing a few times, but Lexa hasn’t been able to do more than nod respectfully before she’s gone again.

Clothing is laid out for you when you get back to the main portion of the tent. You debate keeping your Ark clothes for the sake of maintaining boundaries, but the idea of clean clothes wins out. You dress quickly, ignoring the food you’re sure Lexa had left for you as well. The upcoming execution fills your stomach with dread, leaving no room for hunger.

The sound of chanting and yelling draws you outside. Torches are carried by most of the citizens to light the center of the village. The people are gathered around the tree that acts as the meeting area for the town.

“Skai Heda,” Gustus says from behind you, making you jump.

“Little heads up next time, please,” you berate him while trying to calm your racing heart.

Gustus narrows his eyes. “My head is up,” he says, not understanding the phrase. “Now come. Heda is waiting.”

“No, it’s –” You sigh. “Never mind. It’s not important. Lead the way.”

The bodyguard leads you through the crowd of angry people and deposits you at Lexa’s side before taking his place behind Lexa’s left shoulder. Some of the villagers look at you with anger and hatred, but most with what might be respect and even gratitude. You count yourself lucky that one of them hasn’t tried to knife you in the gut yet for what Finn did. It’s certainly more merciful than anyone on the Ark has ever been.

“Skai leader,” Lexa greets you formally.

“Heda,” you nod back.

“The execution of the ripa is about to begin. Are you ready, Klark?”

It sounds cold, but you know it’s the only way Lexa can check on you with the eyes of her people all around. “No,” you reply honestly. “But let’s get this over with.”

“Lid fingadon au!” Lexa yells.

Two warriors immediately haul Finn out of the tent he’d been restrained in since yesterday. He looks roughed up, dirty, and scared. You remind yourself of all the people he hurt, stuffing down the bit of guilt and pity you feel. Finn deserves his fate.

“Ripa. You are accused of killing six of ai kru and injuring thirteen others with a Maun-de weapon.” Lexa’s voice is strong as her guards drag Finn forward – not wavering or indecisive, like you know yours would be if you were in her place. “What do you say to this?”

Finn is tied tightly to the tree the entirety of Ton DC is gathered around, his arms wrenched back around the trunk. One of the men rips his shirt so it hangs in threads around him, leaving his torso open to the knife. “I have nothing to say to a savage like you,” he shouts. The warrior who tore his shirt punches Finn in the gut for his disrespect, leaving him retching.

“Em pleni,” Lexa calls to her warriors, who obediently retreat back into the crowd. “Indra. As hedon gona of Ton DC, you have the fostaim kot.” Lexa offers up a ritualistic looking knife, and you wonder morbidly if it’s kept only for executions. You have a feeling it is.

“Mochof, Heda.” Indra accepts the knife and approaches Finn. He’s shaking like a leaf; you can see it from here.

Muttering picks up throughout the crowd. “Look at the bushhada,” a man nearby spits. “Crying already, and not even one kot.”

Indra says something when she reaches Finn, but you can’t hear it. Then she scores a long slash down the center of his sternum, making Finn cry out in pain.

Scoffs reign amongst the people. “One kot and he screams,” they deride. “Em-de laik kwelnes. Hiding behind his fayagon.”

You watch on, cringing as cut after cut is made by man and woman alike. Some spit on him, others yell. Many are silent. Finn cries and screams through it all, getting louder as the torture goes on. You know Raven is somewhere in the crowd, watching this happen, as well as your mother. Lexa had left word that Abby had arrived a little after sunset with a small escort. You hope that Raven still doesn’t hate you after witnessing Finn’s death, and despite everything, you hope that your mother won’t judge you for your role in this.

You can see Raven now, after a warrior moves out of the way to take his turn. Tears have formed tracks down her cheeks, and she’s gnawing at her lip furiously. But she stands steadfast, until a particularly agonized cry from Finn makes her whirl around and hurry away, one hand scrubbing at her face. Anya, with a nod from Lexa in permission, is quickly in pursuit, steering Raven into a tent. You’re worried, but you know Anya will take care of your friend and her spouse.

A child no more than ten making the twentieth cut for her lost father is what finally makes you turn away. “I’m sorry,” you choke out, barely able to hear yourself as Finn screams again. “I can’t do this.”

“Gustus, escort Klark to my tent,” Lexa orders immediately, having anticipated you not being able to watch the whole thing. “Stay with her for the remainder of the execution. I will join you both when the ripa is dead.”

You feel Gustus grip your bicep gently, guiding you through and away from the crowd, back to the tent. He catches you whenever you stumble. “You did well to last that long, Skai Heda,” he murmurs, after you’ve sat in silence for a while, flinching at every scream that still filters in through the fabric walls. “Many people who have grown up with our way of life still find that they cannot witness such acts. Yu laik uf, Sky Warrior.”

“I thought,” you sniff, trying to hold back tears and failing, “we could be better than our parents. I thought that down here, there could be less evil done to one another. That maybe we could show everyone still on the Ark that there was a different way to live. One not in fear.” A solid hand lands comfortingly on your back and you can’t help leaning to the side just slightly, searching for more. “But at the _very_ first opportunity, one of my people chose violence as the answer. We’re not better, at all. I couldn’t lead them any differently than the Chancellors.”

“You are wrong, Klark.”

You glance up quickly as Lexa’s voice interrupts your misery. You hadn’t even noticed that Finn’s screams had died out. Your wife is staring at you, a fierce look in her eyes. You want nothing more than to collapse in her arms, but stay where you are, mindful of Gustus’ presence.

“It was your persistence that made this alliance possible,” Lexa continues, striding further into the tent. “You, who convinced my general that you were worth listening to. Without you, I would have ordered all of your people dead already. Do not sell yourself short,” she says adamantly.

Gustus silently gets to his feet and makes his way out of the tent, a thoughtful look on his face that you put aside to worry about later. “Finn?” you ask, voice wobbly.

“Dead. Did not make it to even fifty cuts,” Lexa derides. “Now, we can move forward with this alliance. I have offered for Abby to come again tomorrow morning, so that we may discuss what the Ark can bring to the Coalition, but until then, you can rest, Clarke.” She gently urges you to move to the bed and lay down, taking her place at your back.

You settle into her hold and just breathe for a long time. “Is it possible to feel guilty for not feeling guilty?” you finally ask.

Lexa’s grip tightens. “You should not feel guilt for providing justice for all those who suffered because of that boy. However, I know your heart, and you will feel the pain no matter what I say. I can only tell you that I am here, and that none of this was your fault, and hope that you will believe me.”

You smile weakly, nestling deeper in her arms and turning so you can see her face. “Maybe not yet. But soon,” you confess to her. Lexa presses a tentative kiss to your lips, not sure how she’ll be received. You deepen it to reassure her that she is always welcome. It’s a few minutes before you break away, taking a deep breath and tamping down your desire. “Get through this war, then three days,” you remind her of your vow to keep her in bed.

Lexa blushes sweetly, kissing you again before settling down on her pillow. “You need sleep. Tomorrow will be easier,” she promises.

“Is anything easy down here?”

“I’ll let you know if I ever find it.”


	12. The Hopes Were High

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Lexa try to nail down a plan for the Mountain
> 
> Or
> 
> Not everyone is happy to be taking orders from a child of the Sky, Trikru and Arkkru alike

“Clarke. Clarke!”

You wake up gasping. “Lexa?” you choke out, reaching for her.

Lexa grabs your hand, pulling it and the rest of you to her chest. “It was only a dream, niron. You are safe.”

“Finn, he – he hurt you. He shot you. I couldn’t stop it,” you sob, tears running down your cheeks. You press your face into her neck, breathing in Lexa’s scent.

Arms wrap around you, holding you tight. “Everything’s alright, Clarke,” Lexa soothes. “I’m here. You’re alright.”

You want to believe her, but you need more reassurance. You press your hand to her abdomen, where Finn’s bullet found home in your dream. Solid flesh meets your skin, and you let out a sob of relief. “Nothing can happen to you,” you whisper desperately. “Understand? I don’t care about any of it. I know you do, but you’re everything to me. They’re your people, but you are mine. So you can’t get hurt. You can’t die, and you can’t leave me alone.”

“I swear it,” Lexa murmurs. “I will survive for you, and our children.” She holds you for a long time – until you are completely calm. “Hodnes,” she breaks the silence, “as much as I would like to hold you all day, we both have matters to attend to. Your mother will be escorted here this morning.”

You nod, still a little shaky. “I’m sorry. I know we have a lot to do today. I’m okay.” You try to lift yourself away from her, but Lexa holds you close.

“There is no need for apologies, Clarke. We have time. And I understand your fear. But don’t let it overtake you, hodnes, or it will be all you can think about.”

“I promise.”

Lexa holds you as the sun finishes making its way into the sky, one arm around your waist and holding your back to her chest as you lie between her legs, the other hand gently working the tangles out of your hair. You doze off and on, the most relaxed you’ve been since you fell to Earth. Your hair was always your weakness in your past life, and Lexa appears to have remembered it.

“We must rise soon, Clarke,” Lexa whispers eventually. “The sun is up, and so must we be.”

You whine but obey, yawning. “What time did you say for my mom to get here?”

“I informed her that guards would arrive to fetch her and a small group at sunrise. They should return within the hour. That leaves you enough time to dress and eat. I must meet with Indra and Anya, but I expect you to have eaten by the time I return Clarke,” Lexa instructs.

“Bossy,” you mock, smiling.

“I am Heda of the Twelve Clans,” Lexa replies smoothly.

You shake your head, smile growing bigger. “And you’re never going to let me forget that. But yes Ma’am. I will eat before you get back.”

* * *

“Clarke!” The sound of your mother’s voice draws your attention. She has Kane, Jackson, and a couple other people you only recognize as being minor members of the Council with her. Abby leaves them behind to approach you. Gustus – who Lexa had assigned to stay with you while she and Anya met with the other clans’ generals and seems to have warmed up to you dramatically overnight – makes a move forward, but you discreetly wave him back. You may not be happy with Abby, but she’s not a threat to you. “Are you alright, Clarke?” she asks when she reaches you, pulling you in for a quick hug. You’re pretty sure she meant it to last longer, but there’s too much that needs to get done today for you to spend a lot of time on platitudes and assurances, so you pull back. “I saw you leave last night.”

You try to drive the images of the execution the night before out of your brain, wishing your mom hadn’t brought it up. “I couldn’t stay, but I’m fine. The Commander helped me.” You smile at the thought of how horrified your mother would be in this life at just how _helpful_ Lexa has been lately.

Abby frowns. “The Commander? She doesn’t seem like the comforting type.”

The smile instantly drops off your face. “No offense, but you don’t actually know the slightest thing about her, Mom. The Heda is the only reason all of us weren’t killed the instant we fell to Earth. How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“And how well do _you_ know her, Clarke?” your mom counters.

“Klark and I have the same goals, Abby kom Arkkru,” Lexa’s voice comes out of nowhere, and you relax at the sound. “Both of us wish to establish peace between our peoples, and to rescue those held captive by the Maunon. If you will come with me, perhaps we can discuss this in my tent.” Lexa gestures for you to walk beside her, giving you her tiny smile when you join her and lead the way to the tent the two of you have been sleeping in. Lexa stops in the section that holds her map table, the bed you shared with her obscured by a sheer curtain.

“Commander –” your mom starts, but Lexa cuts her off.

“Klark kom Skaikru and I may have the same goals, but I am not convinced that you Arkkru are likeminded. I have seen nothing to show that you are truly invested in this alliance, nor do I see how I and my people would benefit from aligning myself with you as of yet,” Lexa reveals.

A Council member scoffs. “Then this was a set up? A waste of our time?” he demands.

“Watch your tongue, or you will lose it!” Anya hisses.

“Em pleni, General,” Lexa orders. “My commanding general does not trust you, and neither do I. Your people have not adapted to life on the ground as the Skaikru have. You willfully hang onto your guns, you build walls. You showed poor judgment in trusting a boy you once considered a criminal, providing him with the means to commit mass murder on my people. So tell me, Arkkru. Why should I offer you the alliance I have offered the Skaikru?”

“We have technology that could benefit you,” Kane offers. “Knowledge on how to farm the land, speak over long distances, medicine, and so much else.”

Lexa brushes it off. “We have grown crops since the earth regained some of its former vitality nearly forty summers ago, my healers have learned what plants are just as effective as your contrived medicine, and I have no need for your mechanics. I have obtained my own. Even now, Reivon kom Skaikru is working on building radios from the scraps she has found near Ton DC.”

“She didn’t have the authority to do that,” one of the men you don’t know breaks in.

You immediately whirl on him. “Raven had the authority that _I_ gave her to do as she pleased,” you growl. “And you lost any governing right you had over us the day you sent us down here. We _don’t_ answer to you, nor do the Trikru view us as the same people. We’ve _earned_ our place with the Commander’s people. So I’d watch it.”

The man looks like he’s going to counter angrily, but then his gaze drops and his voice dies. You look to the side to see both Anya and Gustus have a firm grip on their swords, and Lexa is playing idly with her dagger. You give the man a cocky look, knowing that you have the backing of the people who matter most to you.

The negotiations go on, with neither side managing to agree on anything. You stay quiet for a while, trying to come up with some kind of a solution. You hold no love for most of the Council, but Kane seems to be genuinely trying to find some common ground with Lexa, and your mother is – if reluctantly – also taking part in the discussions and attempting to keep them peaceful. Finally, you hit on it. “Heda?” you break into the debate again. Lexa immediately turns to look at you expectantly. “What if we could cure the Reapers?”

Lexa’s eyes widen imperceptibly. “If such a feat were possible, that would go far to strengthening the possibility for peace, Klark,” she admits slowly. “All attempts we have made of turning the Ripas human again have failed.”

“What happens?” your mom asks curiously. At least that’s one thing you can count on with her. She always was a doctor first.

“They writhe and scream and beg incoherently. After a time, the Ripa will shake uncontrollably.”

“A seizure,” you muse.

Lexa nods in agreement. “Then they stop breathing,” she finishes. “We cannot revive them.”

Abby looks at you, eyes alight with an idea. You nod. “It sounds like withdrawal symptoms. Mom?”

“It could be,” she agrees. “If you could capture one and bring it back to me, I may be able to find a way to keep them alive until whatever they’ve been given is out of their system. If I can figure out what it is, I may have a drug that can work to counteract the effects. Either way, it’s worth a shot.”

“I shall have my gona attempt such a capture while they scout the Mountain. If you are successful, Abby kom Arkkru, I will order the Coalition to treat both the Skaikru and the Arkkru as allies.”

Pleased with having a functional plan to get Lexa’s people to agree to work with yours, you move onto the other pressing concern. “Besides the Reapers, the biggest problem is getting into Mount Weather. Once inside, the Commander’s people could easily defeat the Maunon. But with the acid fog and add to that how few openings there are, the place is nearly impenetrable. It’s pure chance that Anya and I managed to escape.” Anya scoffs, and you shoot her a quick smile.

“What is your plan, then, Skaiheda?” Gustus asks gruffly.

“We need an inside man,” you state simply. “Someone to go in, disable the acid fog, and free the hundred and the Grounders. That’s what I wanted to tell you a few days ago, Heda,” you add. “You don’t _need_ to get an army in. You already have one inside. Enough numbers to overwhelm the Maunon, even with their superior weapons and how weak the prisoners are. We just need to get them out of their cages.”

“It is true, Heda,” Anya adds.

Lexa’s eyes are alight with the fire of possibility. “That is a sound plan,” she agrees. “And perhaps our greatest opportunity to rid ourselves of the threat of the Maunon once and for all.”

“Wait a minute,” Abby interrupts. “I won’t agree to the wholesale murder of the people living in Mount Weather. There are going to be innocents in there.”

“No one of the Maunon is innocent,” Lexa growls.

Your mom looks like she’s going to argue back, but you step in. “The Commander’s right, Mom. You didn’t see what they were doing to her people. It’s cruel – it’s torture and it’s murder. They steal their blood and pump it into themselves. No one who’s received a Trikru’s blood is innocent.” Abby looks mulish, but she gives in. You’re sure she’ll bring it back up at a later date when she can get you alone, but you’ll take the win for now.

“I assume you have a nomination for who will infiltrate the Mountain, Klark,” Lexa says.

“Seeing as I know my way around best, I would suggest myself –”

“Absolutely not!” your mom butts in.

You glare at her. “I was _saying_ , I would suggest myself, but I’m too well known. I wouldn’t make it five feet before I was recognized and captured again. Apart from me, the person best prepared to lead the hundred and move around the Mountain undetected is Bellamy Blake.”

That statement nearly causes yet another uproar. “Blake is accused of the attempted murder of the Chancellor. You can’t honestly say that you trust him,” one of the Council members blurts out. “He should be on trial right now for his crimes.

“I don’t trust him,” you admit. “Not fully. He’s done things I don’t approve of, but the fact remains that he was the original leader of the hundred and many of them still trust him. Besides, Jaha is dead. You don’t exactly have a complainant against Bellamy anymore anyways. He’s not a total idiot, and he has the training of a guard to help him. Like it or not, Bellamy is your best chance of ever seeing your children again. Offer Bellamy a pardon, and I’ll convince him to break into the Mountain.”

All of the Council look to Abby. After a long moment, your mother sighs. “Fine,” she agrees. “You talk to Bellamy. Jackson and I will start working on preparing what’s left of Medical to treat the Reapers your people bring in, Commander, and I’ll speak with Lieutenant Miller about planning this attack on the Mountain.”

* * *

It doesn’t take long for Gustus to direct you to the tent Bellamy has been given to share with his sister, though Octavia sleeps in Lincoln’s more often than not. “What do you want?” Bellamy asks sullenly when you enter his tent.

You don’t know what crawled up his ass and died this time, but you don’t really care. “I have a proposal for you, Bellamy.”

“Oh, I can’t _wait_ to hear another one of your plans, Princess.”

“The surviving Council agreed with my suggestion that if you break into Mount Weather, they’ll pardon your attempted assassination of Jaha.”

Bellamy scoffs. “The bastard’s dead anyway. Why would they care?”

“Maybe they care about you making a habit of it and trying to kill the next Chancellor,” you say dryly. “The point is: if you do this, no more looking over your shoulder. No having to choose between looking out for Octavia and watching your own back. You’ll be free.”

For all his faults, at least Bellamy looks like he’s actually considering your offer. “I assume you have some kind of plan apart from ‘get me into Mount Weather’, Princess.”

You scowl at the nickname. “Several, actually,” you snip. “Lincoln will play a Reaper in order to get you close.” When Bellamy opens his mouth to protest his traveling companion, you speak over him. “That’s not optional. Lincoln knows this area better than anyone, and you’re going to get over your pettiness if you want that pardon. Now, once you’re inside, you’ll need to find or steal a radio so you can get in contact with Raven. She’ll give you instructions on how to disable the acid fog. If that’s still running by the time Heda’s army marches, they’ll be slaughtered before they get in a ten mile radius.”

“This is starting to sound complicated Princess.”

“If you think you can’t handle it, then by all means, start packing now,” you respond immediately. “I don’t think you’ll get very far before someone catches up to you.” Bellamy glares obstinately but goes back to silence, and you nod in satisfaction. “After the fog is down, the Mountain is going to know something’s up. You’ll have to move quickly. The key to our victory is that we already have an army on the inside. You just have to free them from their cages, and then they’ll take care of the Maunon.”

“Oh, is that all, your highness?” Bellamy criticizes. “Sounds like an awful lot of risk for a measly pat on the head and no guarantee of the Council following through. Especially freeing the Grounders. Why go to the trouble at all? It’d be better to grab the seventy kids in there and get the hell out before the Mountain even knows what’s going on.”

Why risk the trouble indeed? “You are ‘risking’ it, Bellamy, because we owe them our lives. We’re trespassers – we landed on _their_ turf. This land has been theirs since we left their ancestors to die of radiation poisoning a century ago. Instead of going to war and slaughtering all of us like they so easily could have, the Commander ordered peace. And that leads to the final thing you have to do, and this is the most important. If you fail everything else, you must succeed at this,” you say as forcefully as you can, trying to get the stubborn boy to listen. “There’s a girl trapped somewhere in that mountain. Her name is Tris, she’s twelve years old, and she’s Anya’s second. We think Tris snuck in hoping to free her mentor, and it’s very important to Lexa that Tris is located unharmed. Is that clear? Tris is among your highest priorities in there.”

Bellamy looks bewildered. “A girl? You want me to risk my neck for some girl just because all high and mighty chick likes her? Fuck that, Clarke.”

You grab his shirt when he tries to turn his back and haul him closer. “Tris will be found and freed, as will the rest of the Trikru, with or without you. As much as I dislike you and your bully attitude, you’re the best suited to infiltrate the mountain, but you are not vital to this plan. And if you disagree, I will dump you in front of the Council myself,” you threaten. The odds of your daughter being found unharmed aren’t good, but Bellamy has the greatest chance of locating her. He has the experience on the ground that the rest of those from the Ark lack, knowledge of technology that the Trikru do not possess, and his past as a Guard to help him strategically. “So what’s it going to be, Bellamy?”

The boy’s silent for a long time, considering all of his options, before nodding abruptly. “Deal,” he agrees. “When do I leave?”

“Two days from now. The Commander has to meet with the generals from the other eleven clans and gain their support before we can move forward. But the day after – that’s when you’ll go. Be ready.”

“Whatever you say, Princess. You just make sure you keep your end of the bargain.”

With that, you leave his tent, and you relax finally. This Bellamy is nothing like the man you knew in your past life, and you wonder what happened to make him this way. Was it the responsibility of protecting his sister all his life, watching his mother be floated for the crime of giving birth to his sister, the loss of his position on the Guard, or something else? You suppose you’ll never know, but you miss the friend he used to be long ago. Now, all he is, is angry.

* * *

“You demand that we listen to this branwoda gada, Heda?” a man Anya had whispered earlier is named Quint scoffs. Yet another day of meetings, negotiations, and planning, this time with Lexa’s people. Quint has done nothing but dig his heels in, disagree, and vaguely threaten you ever since you started laying out your plan for the infiltration and attack on Mount Weather. The rest of the Coalition generals haven’t given you _nearly_ as much trouble. Some of them even look at you with a modicum of respect. Anya also told you that you had gained esteem amongst the Trikru for not only helping the Heda’s fos to escape the inescapable, but also in saving the lives of those attacked by Finn and turning him over for Trikru justice. “This strat will fail, and Azgeda wants no part in it. If the Azquin were here –”

“Nia is not here,” Lexa interrupts her general. “And if she were, I am still Heda, until such a time as my spirit moves on. Nia kneeled before _me_ for place in this Coalition, General, as you no doubt remember. The Skaiheda’s plan is the best our people has had in the years since the Mountain became a threat. The clans of the Coalition will finally have justice for all the people lost to the Maunon. Jus drein jus daun.”

“Jus drein jus daun!” the rest of the generals yell after her. The reaction to your plan has varied amongst them, but you can see their confidence bolstered with Lexa’s words. Quint, however, stares at you with undisguised enmity that sends a shiver down your spine. You’ve never been more glad that Lexa is the one in charge.

“Klark?”

You follow Lexa and Anya out of the war tent when your wife motions for you to come with her and start making your way back to Lexa’s slightly smaller one. When you near it, you halt, not liking the idea of being enclosed again so soon. “I think I’m going to take a walk,” you tell Lexa when she turns to see why you’re not following her. “You know – get some fresh air. It was a little musty in there with all those bodies.”

Lexa looks concerned, but nods. “Would you like Anya to go with you, Clarke?” she asks quietly, probably not wanting her people to overhear her concern.

You shake your head. “I won’t go far,” you promise. “Just a little ways into the trees. I’ll be right back.”

Your wife still looks unsure, but doesn’t protest when you walk away. Once you are inside the tree line, you breathe a little easier. It’s amazing how used to open space you’ve become since the hundred were cast out, but the close walls of a tent filled with so many people was enough to make you feel antsy. The quiet is also welcome. Who knew public speaking could be so frightening?

The sound of a sharp crack of a broken branch snags your attention. That wasn’t natural. You glance around, looking for the cause of the disturbance, but everything seems still. But Lexa has already instilled a sense of suspicion within you, and you’re not convinced that all is as it seems. You’ve wandered farther into the forest than you originally meant to, and you start to inch back toward the village. You keep your footsteps light as Anya taught you and try to keep yourself under cover. The snap of another branch breaking makes you drop all pretense of stealth and you make a break for it.

A large, heavy body slams into you from the side and drives you to the dirt. You gasp as you hit the ground, all the air punched from your gut. A rough hand hauls you up and around to throw your back into the dirt. Quint’s snarling face looks down at you, drawing a knife from its sheath at his waist as you struggle uselessly. “That nomfecha Commander thinks she can hide her favor, but I see it,” he spits. “The Azquin has been looking for an advantage against the Heda for years, and she will reward me greatly for bringing her the head of the Heda’s new slut.”

The knife comes down, and in a last ditch effort to save yourself, you grab onto Quint’s wrists, holding his arms where they are for as long as you can. You are stronger since you came to Earth – Anya’s training is a large part of that – but you can’t hold off a warrior twice your size who has been training all his life. The knife inches closer to your neck. You can only pray that Lexa forgives your foolishness for wandering off alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you feel so inclined, take a look at my newest story, a childhood best friends AU called [I Meant to Ask You](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8530621/chapters/19555273)


	13. Mother Gaia In Slaughter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pauna

Quint’s knife is still pressing closer to your neck.

Just when you begin to feel like you can’t hold him back any longer, Quint cries out in pain and jerks away. You gape at the familiar looking dagger now sticking out of his wrist and tilt your head up and back to see Lexa and one of the guards she’d placed with you approaching at a sprint. Lexa has murder in her eyes, and you wonder for a second if this is the Lexa you would have met if neither of you had remembered and your peoples had ended up going to war. But then Lexa is jerking her sword out of its sheath and kicking Quint into the dirt.

“Natrona!” Lexa yells, holding her sword to Quint’s throat. “You would attack the leader of an allied clan? That begs for war!”

“Azgeda do not recognize the alliance,” Quint spits out, despite the threat to his life. He’s either foolishly brave or oddly stupid to continue to defy Lexa, you decide. Or confident that she won’t actually harm him. “We will not work with these outsiders!”

Lexa snarls, pressing the blade closer and drawing blood. “Then we will see how long the Azgeda can survive without the Coalition’s support. Jomp em op en yu jomp ai op.”

You haul yourself to your feet, stepping forward to touch Lexa’s arm gently. “Heda, you can’t turn away from an established clan for us,” you try to reason with her. “We need to prove ourselves worthy of your Coalition’s trust.”

“That may be true, Klark,” Lexa allows, not relaxing a fraction. “But I cannot allow the attempted murder of an allied leader to go by without punishment. It will set a dangerous precedent.”

“My queen will enjoy separating your head from your shoulders,” Quint threatens you, undeterred by the talk of his impending punishment. “Even if I am not the one to bring you to her. And when she’s done with you, she’ll take great pleasure in sending what is left of you to the Commander to find. Sleep with one eye open, nomfecha.”

A roar leaves Lexa’s lips, startling you with the ferocity, but an even louder one eclipses hers, and all of you freeze. There’s a crashing in the trees not too far away. “Pauna!” Lexa screams. She hauls Quint to his feet and slashes at the tendons behind his knees as she jerks her dagger out of his arm, making him yell in pain. “Run!”

You take off into the forest in a panic, not really understanding what you are running from. You can hear Lexa pacing herself behind you; she could’ve outrun you at any time, but you know she doesn’t want to leave you behind. The rumbling behind you is getting louder, and you glance over your shoulder and immediately wish you hadn’t.

What looks like a gorilla or some other large ape is charging after you, but not just any gorilla. Oh, no. This thing is a _monster_ – affected by the radiation and now at least eight feet of pure terror. “Keep running!” Lexa orders from behind you. Like you were going to stop. Your guard was lost at some point – you don’t know if the monster caught him or if you were just separated. You cast your gaze around, searching desperately for some kind of escape.

“There!” You point out what looks to be an overgrown enclosure – perhaps strong enough to keep the angry gorilla out. You head for it with Lexa close on your heels. Something like a sewer grate blocks your way, which you and Lexa roll away together.

“You first!” Lexa orders. You scramble through the short tunnel and Lexa follows. The sight that meets you is not a reassuring one.

Mutilated, crushed, half-eaten bodies are scattered all around – a scene of violence that makes you want to throw up. Your gaze is inexplicably drawn to the skull of what used to be a large animal, now merely bone. “What is this place?” you mumble in horror.

Lexa is grim. “It’s feeding ground,” she answers.

You’ve led your wife straight into a trap. This will never keep the gorilla out – only keep you in. This is your fault; you have to get Lexa out of here. The gorilla roars again, startling you. “Let’s go.” The both of you climb around the perimeter, avoiding the dead animals strewn about and searching for an exit. Even if you weren’t able to hear the monstrous thing getting closer, you’d certainly be able to feel it as the ground shakes beneath your feet. You’ve just made it to a flat area higher up when Lexa stops and draws her swords. “Lexa –” For such a giant creature, the ape sure has an ability to appear almost out of nowhere. You draw your sword in your left hand and pull out your gun with your right. Before Lexa can do anything stupid, like charge the animal, you fire a bullet into its face.

That just pisses the gorilla off. It _tears_ a chunk of concrete out of an enclosure with ease and throws it at your heads, making you duck. You immediately fire off three more shots and miraculously, the gorilla tumbles off the cliff. You look over at Lexa and are about to ask if she’s alright when the monster hauls itself back up, angrier than ever.

“Run, Clarke!” Lexa yells.

You scramble up the hill of rubble and through what looks like used to be a tunnel or causeway of some sort. You stop abruptly when the stone gives way to open air in front of you. Either side is blocked off by more broken chunks of concrete, leaving you with no escape route. “We have to jump, Lexa!” You take her hand and leap off the ledge, into the former animal enclosure at least a dozen feet below.

Your fall is luckily broken by a nicely placed bush, but Lexa is tripped up by gravel and she falls awkwardly onto her arm. You can hear the pop of her shoulder dislocating from where you lie feet from her. Lexa cries out in pain, grabbing her arm. “Lexa!” You pull her up by her good arm and get her running again just in time for the gorilla to land with a crunch exactly where your wife was lying moments ago. “Come on,” you urge her when you spot a small opening in the enclosure. “Almost there.”

Halfway through the entrance, Lexa disappears from beside you with a yell. You barely manage to grab her good hand, hanging on for dear life as the furious gorilla pulls on her leg, trying to tear her away from you. It’s a game of tug of war you cannot win. “Leave me!” Lexa screams.

“No way!” You let go of her with one arm and unholster your pistol again, firing the remainder of your bullets into the snarling ape’s face. It roars in pain and miraculously lets Lexa go. You haul her through the rest of the way and slam the door closed practically on the pauna’s nose. It immediately starts pounding on the grate, trying to get through. You put Lexa’s good arm around your shoulders and half carry her into the next room – what looks like it used to be an indoor space for animals. Lexa sits painfully where you place her, whimpering slightly. You hate that sound coming from her mouth, and you hate yourself a bit for getting your wife into this mess. “Okay, hold on,” you reassure her. This new enclosure has its own door and you shut that one too, slamming the bar down and adding your sword to the slot for good measure. “Alright, let’s have a look,” you say as you go back to where Lexa is still sitting.

Lexa is stonily silent as you pull gently on her dislocated shoulder, straightening the arm and pulling steadily farther until her muscles contract and the joint pops back into place. The only indication that she felt any of it is a slight wince when you pull and a growl when her shoulder goes back into its rightful position. You tear the bottom of your shirt to make a sling, tying the knot securely around her neck. “You should have left me,” Lexa says stoically.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you scoff. “I wasn’t going to leave you behind.”

Lexa’s face doesn’t change expression. “The alliance between our peoples is tenuous. To lose the both of us would throw it into chaos once more. You should have left me so that one of us would have a better chance of escaping. My soul will always find another Heda. For you to stay behind was weakness.”

You can’t believe the words coming out of her mouth right now. “That’s bullshit!” you yell. Lexa opens her mouth to spout some more nonsense, but you speak over her. “No! That is complete and utter lunacy, Lexa! You think – what – that I’m just going to let that thing kill you right in front of me? I watched you die once; I’m never letting that happen again.”

“Clarke…” Lexa’s face softens, but she’s well and truly pissed you off.

“No – how dare you, Lexa?!” You shout. “I have lost _everyone_ that I loved. My mom _killed_ my dad, Wells was murdered, and the only friends I have left don’t remember who I am. Do you know how it felt, being all alone in space? Like a dull knife slowly twisting in my stomach. Constantly. You didn’t know who Aiden, Tris, Anya, or Gustus were, but at least they were there. I had _no one_ after my father died. So don’t you sit there and tell me that I should have let you go!”

A strong arm wraps around your shoulders and pulls you into Lexa’s chest. “Forgive me, niron,” Lexa murmurs. “I am scared, Clarke, and only wish for you to be safe. I did not understand.”

You clutch at her shirt, trying not to disturb her injured shoulder. “My worst fear in our last life was outliving you,” you mutter into the cloth. “And then I watched it happen. I can’t do that again, Lexa, please.”

“We had almost seven decades together, love. That is more time than most get. I’m sorry I left you first, but I highly doubt you let me get away with it for long.”

You chuckle, sniffing a bit. “Try twenty-four hours. I was so mad at you. I’m still mad at you.” Lexa laughs with you, wincing when it jars her shoulder and drawing you back to the present. “We have to get you out of here.” You stand up, newly determined. “Any ideas?”

Lexa frowns. “No.”

“Helpful.”

Your wife rolls her eyes. “I cannot climb with my arm, and you can’t carry me. The only exit has a pauna on the other side, and we have no chance of fighting our way past it. No one survives a fight with a pauna.”

“Cheery.”

“Do you have a better idea than one word responses?” Lexa sasses.

You put a finger to her lips. “Hush. Give me a second and I might.” Lexa grumbles and kisses the pad of your finger, making you smile fondly down at her and press a kiss to the crown of her head. You look all around you, trying to come up with some way to get you out of here. But there’s nothing except the door. A door with a very angry gorilla still roaring on the other side, banging to get in. That sword won’t hold forever. And then it hits you. “That door opened in.”

“Yes, it did.”

You grin. “We don’t _have_ to get out. We let the pauna in.”

Lexa frowns. “And how does that help us? We would die quicker, yes. I suppose there is no point prolonging the inevitable.”

“No, you moron.” You flap a hand at her, and she huffs. “Come on, get up.” You help Lexa stand and move over toward the barred door. “We let it in, and then we slip out and shut the door behind us. Much harder for it to pound a door open the opposite way it should swing. It’ll get out eventually, but we might have time to get away first.”

Lexa nods determinedly. “Let’s do it. You will exit first.”

“Bullshit, Miss One Good Arm,” you deny immediately. “I’m the one that has to close the door. You’ll go through first.”

Your wife looks like she wants to protest, but concedes your point. “Fine.”

She gets in position next to the door with you beside her. You reach across her and grip your sword. “Okay. On three. One, two, three!” You yank out the blade, and the door bursts open with the pauna right behind. It barrels into the enclosure, and Lexa slips out the door with you following closely. You grab the handle and slam it closed as the pauna roars indignantly at being tricked. You turn to your your wife, reveling for a moment in the victory of survival. “Let’s get out of here.”

* * *

You have to help Lexa climb back up and out of the old zoo, but she is surprisingly able to pull herself up most of the time. The two of you take a second to breathe at the top – you think mostly for your own benefit – and you use the opportunity to check Lexa’s shoulder. She winces when you press around it, but otherwise seems okay. It should heal quickly. You breathe a sigh of relief at that.

“We will not make it back to Ton DC before nightfall,” Lexa notes. “We should find a safe place to camp for the night.”

“Yeah, okay,” you agree without putting up much of a fight. Not that you could, really. You have absolutely _no_ idea where you are right now, and Lexa’s been thrown around like a child’s toy today and could use the rest. “Do you know a spot?”

Lexa nods. “Yes. It’s not far from here.” She begins to lead you away from the zoo, looking very steady despite everything that’s happened today. You stay a little behind her just in case she decides to take a dive, though.

All is blessedly quiet for a solid half hour after the pauna’s roars of rage fade into the forest. You follow Lexa doggedly – exhausted, but Lexa can’t be feeling any better, and she’s still marching along so you try to emulate her. “I’m sorry,” you eventually break the silence.

“For what?” Lexa asks, confused.

“For getting us into this mess?” you shrug. “For almost getting myself killed by Quint because I didn’t want anyone following me, for almost getting you killed by a mutant gorilla – take your pick.”

Lexa reaches back for your hand and tugs you forward to walk beside her. “Quint’s decisions are not your fault, and neither is the fact that we wandered into the path of a pauna. Yes, I would have preferred that you allow Anya or Gustus to accompany you on your solo journey, but then perhaps they would be dead. And we both survived. Don’t look for condemnation of your choices from me, Clarke. You will never get it.”

You nod and squeeze your wife’s hand gratefully, not really able to say anything in response to her logical yet kind words. Not long after that, Lexa comes to a halt in the middle of a circle of trees.

“This is the spot.”

It looks like every other open spot in the forest, and you don’t see how this is a better camping site than any of them. “And what makes this the spot?”

“Close to a stream for water but far enough way that any predators searching for a kill can’t detect us from the shore, the branches of the surrounding trees are low hanging for easy climbing and scouting, and the Trikru have been using this area for years,” Lexa shrugs with one shoulder. “Anya first showed it to me when I was still her second. I can get a small fire going, and there is a cache of dried meat nearby.”

“And the gorilla?”

“We’re still too close to the pauna’s territory for my liking, but by the time it escapes, it should have lost interest in us. Just in case, we will keep watch tonight. I will take the first shift,” Lexa decides.

You shake your head immediately. “Uh-uh. No, you’re the one that got hurt today. You need as much rest as possible to recover, Lexa. You sleep first.”

Lexa takes your hand in her good left, holding it up to press a kiss to the back of it. “It is only my shoulder, Clarke,” she reassures you. “I will be fine.”

“Be that as it may. I’m still taking the first watch.” You were always more stubborn than Lexa. It’s only a matter of time before she gives in.

“Alright,” Lexa sighs after a moment of deliberation. “But you will wake me at the first sign of trouble.”

“Of course. I’m not the badass warrior of the two of us,” you tease gently.

Lexa’s face smooths into a smug expression and she looks quite pleased with herself. Always that little bit of an ego that needed stroking sometimes.

* * *

You don’t wake her for the next shift. Lexa’s been looking after you since you escaped the Mountain, and you’re sure she hasn’t gotten as much rest as she should. So you stay awake through the night, keeping the small fire going and carding your fingers through the wild hair resting on your lap. Lexa occasionally shifts and frowns, sleep not entirely undisturbed, but you soothe her until her face is peaceful again every time.

It’s not until the sun starts to rise that Lexa begins to stir in earnest. She starts with little shifts and gradually works up to fluttering eyelids and mumbling. In other words, you think she’s adorable like this.

“Clarke!” Lexa jerks up from where she was still resting in your lap, startling you out of your pondering.

You rest a gentle hand on her good arm and shush her. “It’s okay, Lexa. You’re safe. I’m here.”

Lexa breathes a sigh of relief, leaning forward to kiss you good morning. Then she notices that the sun is up and glares. “You didn’t wake me,” she accuses with a tiny pout.

You kiss it off of her. “You’ve been taking such good care of me, and you deserved the rest. I’ll nap when we get back,” you reassure her.

Lexa only looks slightly mollified, but there’s nothing she can do about it now, so she hauls herself to her feet and offers her good arm to help you up. “To Ton DC, then. Abby is going to kill me when we get back,” she bemoans. “Murdered by my amnesiac former mother-in-law from another life. Then where will my people be?”


	14. The Zodiac Turns Over Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a whole ton of Clexa interaction in this one but the plot's gotta move along.

Your entrance into Ton DC is not a quiet affair. You suppose you shouldn’t be surprised, what with Lexa being Heda and all. People were bound to notice her having gone missing and you don’t know how anyone could have not heard the pauna’s roars through the forest. Lexa is swept away immediately by Anya and Indra, who speak quickly to her in low Trigedasleng – something about ambassadors and generals and their general unhappiness. She throws an apologetic glance over her shoulder, but you wave her off with a small smile.

“Clarke!” Raven yells, running up to you with Octavia not far behind and grabbing you into a tight hug that you hesitantly return. “You’re back! What happened? Are you okay?”

You nod tiredly, wishing for Lexa’s comfortable bed. But you feel like you’ve been neglecting your friends recently, particularly Raven after the whole Finn debacle. You’re sure they could use some reassurance. And you’ve missed them, as well. “Big carnivorous gorilla. Wouldn’t recommend it. What’s new around here?”

“I’m officially Indra’s second,” Octavia announces, looking rightfully proud of herself. “She’s going to train me to be a Trikru warrior.”

“Good job, O,” you congratulate her. It still surprises you that the gruff village leader would deign to take a sky person as her second, but it’s a desperately needed beginning to the integration of yours and Lexa’s peoples. Octavia may well be the guide to acceptance of the sky people in general.

“Murphy took off last night,” Raven adds. “Said being around all the Ark people again was giving him hives – wanted to go off on his own.”

Of all the people you expected to actually accept and like being around the Grounders, Murphy never crossed your mind. Especially after Anya used him as a human biological weapon. But the Grounders have no preconceived notions of your people as individuals – only as a whole – and you can understand how that anonymity would appeal to Murphy. Plus he helped you save the villagers after Finn’s rampage. Maybe a solo adventure will be good for him.

“Yeah, and Bell and Lincoln are also gone.” Octavia looks pissed at that fact, and you can imagine why. “They left for the mountain when you and Lexa didn’t come back. If everything went to plan and Bellamy got in okay, Lincoln said he would be back by tomorrow morning.”

You silently curse Bellamy’s impatience. He wasn’t supposed to leave _until_ tomorrow morning, and you wouldn’t put it past him to abandon Lincoln if things went south, still put out over Octavia falling in love with a Grounder. “Alright. We’ll worry about Lincoln tomorrow morning then. Raven, stay close to a radio at all times in case Bellamy calls in. He knows his priorities and the overall mission. Let’s just hope he doesn’t fuck it up.”

The other two girls nod, and Octavia excuses herself shortly after to go meet up with Indra. You walk Raven back to her ‘workshop’ tent. “How are you doing, really?” you ask carefully.

Raven sighs. “Conflicted, I guess,” she admits. “I loved him for such a long time, you know? Finn saved me – was kind to me when no one else was. He even went to prison for me. I just don’t understand what turned him into that monster.”

“The ground changes people,” is your meagre offering. “Some not for the better, I guess.”

“Anya’s been great though. At first I thought she was supposed to be watching me in case I tried to blow the village up or something, but she’s still hanging out. Especially yesterday. She didn’t leave my workshop once while you and the Commander were missing,” Raven muses. “Guess we’re growing on her, huh?”

You keep your smirk to yourself. Of course Anya stuck to Raven like a flea yesterday. Probably worried that she would up and disappear like her former second slash best friend had. “You, at least, are. Can’t say for the rest of us. Anya and I came to an understanding after escaping the Mountain, but she’s always liked you.”

Raven blushes like you’ve never seen. “Yeah, well, who doesn’t?” she tries to cover with a scoff. “I’m awesome.”

“That you are,” you laugh, grateful that Raven is still willing to be friends with you after everything. You leave the other girl working happily on some explosives, her radio sitting nearby, waiting for Bellamy to check in. You step back outside – mind solely focused on that nap in Lexa’s bed you promised yourself – and run straight into your mother.

“Clarke!” she pulls you in for a tight hug, squeezing like she’ll never let you go. “Are you okay? I was so worried!”

“Mom,” you grunt, tugging yourself free. “I’m fine. Heda protected me.”

“What were you thinking, going off into the woods alone?” Abby demands. “It’s dangerous down here.”

Frustrated, you pull Abby a ways away from any potential eavesdroppers. You can’t afford to be discredited by the Grounders as the Skaikru’s leader, and you will be if you can’t even get any respect from your mother. “Could you keep your voice down?” you hiss. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be working with Jackson on a potential cure for the Reapers. This alliance is important for you guys, Mom.”

“The Commander sent word that you had returned safely. I had to see for myself,” Abby explains. “I can’t lose you too.”

You sigh, but relent. “I’m fine, I promise. Just a little tired. I was actually on my way to my tent; I didn’t get any sleep last night,” you hint.

Abby’s eyes widen. “Oh! Of course, you need sleep sweetheart. This afternoon, though, maybe you could come to the Ark and I can catch you up on our ideas for treating the Reapers? We should be able to try testing on one soon.”

“Sure, Mom. I’ll head over in a few hours,” you agree. It’s easier to get along with your mom when you can focus on business at hand, rather than the personal part of you that is still furious with her for her role in your father’s death. It’s better to just keep concentrating on this alliance. You’ll worry about forgiving her later.

Abby gives you another fierce hug, which you allow for a few moments before pulling away. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

“Yeah.” You watch her walk away before an urge comes over you. “Hey, Mom?” Abby turns back to look at you. “I love you.”

You can see her entire body soften, like a huge weight was just lifted off her shoulders. “I love you too, baby.”

When you turn around to go find Lexa’s tent, you’re surprised to see Gustus standing at your shoulder. “Oh. Hei, Gustus,” you greet cautiously. “Does the Commander need something from me?”

“Heda has assigned me as your new guard until such a time as she sees fit to relieve me,” Gustus replies formally.

That’s a little bit weird. “But aren’t you the Commander’s bodyguard?” you question. Why would Lexa assign Gustus to you?

“Sha. But I will fulfill my new duties as Heda requests.”

“Um, alright,” you say hesitantly. You’ll just have to talk to Lexa about it later. You don’t want her endangering herself in a misguided attempt to keep you safe. You’re sure Quint was just an aberration. “I was just gonna – go – sleep for a bit. I was up all night. I guess that means you’re coming to the Ark with me later?”

Gustus nods. “Sha Skaiheda. I am not to leave your side.”

Shrugging, you head over to your tent, realizing too late that ‘your’ tent is really Lexa’s tent. The two of you have been making excuses for why you always seem to end up in her living space rather than one of your own, but there is no excuse now. Lexa isn’t in there. “Um. I –”

“Heda informed me that you are to be allowed entrance to her quarters even if she is not there to receive you,” Gustus says stiffly.

“Right.” You duck past the cloth entrance, willing yourself to make it the last few steps to Lexa’s heavenly furs.

“Skaiheda,” Gustus calls you back to the entrance of the tent. “Mochof – for keeping the Heda safe when I was not able,” he grumbles, looking disgruntled at having to thank someone. You get the feeling he’s not used to it.

“Pro, Gustus. I have more than one reason to have a vested interest in Lexa’s wellbeing – the alliance being the least of them,” you admit. If you and Lexa are ever going to be able to be together out in the open, people need to start learning to accept your relationship now. Those that Lexa trusts with her life seem like a good place to start.

The burly man eyes you shrewdly, taking in your words. “Heda has grown close to you in a very short amount of time.” It’s not an accusation, but it’s not overtly friendly either. “She has never allowed herself the weakness before you.”

“I don’t want to be her weakness,” you tell him honestly. “I want to help make her stronger – keep her Heda for a very long time. Lexa is amazing, Gustus. You already know that.”

Gustus nods, looking pleased with your answer. “Rest well, Skaiheda.”

You accept the dismissal gratefully, disappearing back into the tent and collapsing on the furs. You’re asleep almost before your eyes fully close.

\-----

“Clarke. It is time to wake,” Lexa’s gentle voice stirs you from your nap. You groan, batting at her without opening your eyes. Lexa just chuckles and takes both your hands in hers, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “You are expected at the Ark soon. You’ve slept nearly four hours.”

You growl at her. “You remember when we’d just started dating in our last life? What did I say about waking me up after working a shift all night?”

Lexa thinks about it, trying to recall. “That you couldn’t be held responsible for your actions?”

“Exactly.” You grab her by the waist and pull her onto the furs, attacking her waist with your fingers. Lexa is far too dignified in this life to shriek like she used to do when you tickled her, but she does grunt and try to wriggle away.

“Clarke!” she spits out, holding back a laugh. “Clarke, stop this right now!”

You quiet her with a kiss, fingers slowing gradually, leaving Lexa breathless. “But you’re so cute when you squirm,” you tease. Lexa does her utmost to glare, but it’s completely ruined by the cute little smile on her lips. And the hearts in her eyes. Raven used to give her shit all the time for showing her love for you so plainly. You only hope that Raven will one day remember and be able to tease Lexa again. You snuggle into Lexa’s side, enjoying the quiet moment for just a little while.

Eventually, though, Lexa sighs. “You do need to go soon,” she says reluctantly, “if you are to return before nightfall.”

“I’m not even sure what use I’ll be,” you whine, burying your nose in Lexa’s neck. “It’s not like my mom actually has a Reaper to test any of her theories on, and she’s the fully trained doctor – not me. If I didn’t think she knew better by now, I’d say she was going to kidnap me and force me to stay at the Ark.”

“If she did, I would come get you,” Lexa promises grimly. “But I do not believe that she will attempt such a pointless endeavor. And I will have my gona retrieve a ripa soon for her to work on. For now, Gustus will be accompanying you wherever you go, including the Ark. Indra has requested she be allowed to guard from a distance on this trip – in order to begin Octavia’s training as her new second.”

That reminds you. “Another thing. What’s with Gustus being my bodyguard now? He’s supposed to be by your side at all times.”

“I can look after myself.”

You roll your eyes. “That’s not the point, Lexa. No one is questioning your prowess. The point is you leaving yourself open by giving me the guard you trust with your life. Surely there’s another warrior you trust that could keep me safe.”

“None that I trust as much as Gustus.”

“Exactly, Lex. He’s your father. He’s supposed to stay with you.” It’s underhanded, bringing up their past relationship to each other, but desperate times and such. You won’t leave Lexa unprotected.

Lexa sighs. “Gustus will accompany you to the Ark.” When you start to protest again, your wife speaks over you. “After, I will think about who might be a suitable replacement. Happy?”

You smile brightly at her. “Very much so.”

“Well, good,” Lexa gripes. She and Gustus sound so much alike in their grumbling that you have to laugh and kiss her before getting up to prepare for your trip to the Ark.

\-----------

“Hey, Gustus?” Riding a horse for the hour long trip to the Ark – now that you’re not too scared of the animals anymore – is boring. You need some kind of entertainment.

“Yes, Skaiheda?” Gustus is keeping a close eye on the trees around you, wary of any potential threat. You haven’t seen Indra or Octavia since they took off into the forest, but you know they’re around somewhere.

You ponder how you want to phrase your question. On the one hand, you don’t want Gustus to get his guard up and be all suspicious of you again, but on the other, you still want to start giving him the idea that not everything is as it seems with you and Lexa. You both need more people on your side who understand that the stakes are more than just two different peoples trying to form an alliance. “Have you ever had any children?” That wasn’t quite the question you were thinking of asking but alright.

“No,” is his simple reply. “Ai sonraun laik Heda. Ai gonplei laik Heda. Ai badan ain Heda.”

You mull his pledge of allegiance over. “Did you ever want them?”

What passes for a Trikru smile crosses Gustus’ face for a split second. “I found Heda to be quite enough, when she was still a strik natblida.”

You chuckle, trying to imagine a tiny Lexa running around with a sword, hiding from Gustus. It’s a better image than Lexa portrayed of weekly beatings and fighting for survival, and you hope happier times were interspersed liberally through the pain she went through. You’ll have to ask her when you get back from the Ark. “She told me how her teacher didn’t believe she had the potential to become Heda and he gave up on her. Did you guard her before or after that?”

“Before. And after. Even as the ‘Unteachable Natblida’, she was still a potential Heda, and needed to be protected. Heda ran away more often after Titus gave up on her, though.”

Titus? He must be the man who ordered your wife beaten every week. You hate him with a vengeance already, but you’ll ask Lexa more about him later. “Heda told me a bit about growing up, learning to become Heda, and how she became Anya’s second, but she didn’t explain the whole natblida thing. What does it mean?”

Gustus hesitates, obviously not entirely willing to share what must be a secret with you. You’re about to tell him never mind – you can always ask Lexa that later as well – when he shouts, “Daun!” and throws himself to the side off his horse, colliding with you and knocking you both to the ground.

The unmistakable sound of a bullet whizzes overhead, followed shortly by the small crack of a silenced rifle. A long range shot, then, you decide. Gustus is crouching defensively over you, keeping you pressed tight to the ground. “Set daun, Skaiheda,” he orders. Another shot sounds, luckily missing again. Apparently, these Maunon are not the best at aiming.

Something roars, and suddenly, Gustus is no longer on top of you. You hear him grunt, and look around for him. “Gustus!” A Reaper is writhing over the guard, jaws snapping as it tries to take a chunk out of his neck. Whoever was shooting at you must have set it loose when they saw that their first plan wasn’t working.

“Go, Skaiheda!” Gustus orders, voice strained as he tries to throw the Reaper off of himself.

“Not without you!” Lexa lost her father in one life – you won’t forgive yourself if she loses him now, too. You grab a large, nearby branch and swing it at the Reaper’s shoulder, connecting well and knocking it to the side. It snarls and turns its gaze on you, and you gasp. “Lincoln?”

The Reaper pauses, a look of confusion crossing his face before it reverts back to a growling mess. He leaps at you this time, only to be caught and slung to the ground by Gustus, who quickly and viciously knocks him over the head with the hilt of his sword, knocking Lincoln unconscious. “Mochof, Skaiheda.” Gustus is breathing harder than normal, but otherwise seems uninjured. “My fight might have been over, were you not here.”

You shrug. “Well. You saved my life first.”

“Yes, we’re all very grateful for each other,” Octavia’s voice comes from behind you, snide but with a hint of humor you can hear. You turn just in time to see Indra cuff her upside the head, making the younger girl hiss. “What? If you ask me, they should –” she stops talking abruptly when she sees who is lying on the ground. “Lincoln?!” she gasps, sounding gut punched. She drops the man in a hazmat suit you just realized she was holding and lunges for her – Boyfriend? Lover? – but Gustus wraps an arm around her waist and easily holds the small teen a few inches above the ground.

“Your seken requires more control, Indra,” he grunts as Octavia struggles to reach Lincoln even while incapacitated.

Indra grumbles. “It will take more than one day to instill reason into Okteivia’s tofmelon,” she replies dryly, hauling up the Maunon Octavia dropped in her haste to get to Lincoln. “Okteivia! Hod op!” Indra commands.

Octavia reluctantly ceases her struggling, and Gustus sets her feet back on the ground. “We need to get both Lincoln and the Mountain Man to the Ark quickly – before Lincoln wakes up,” you order. “My mom’s going to have a test subject sooner than she’s expecting.”


	15. Bloodred Carpets Before Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to deal with the Reapers.

“Raven, are you there? Come in,” you speak into the radio and let go of the call button.

An answer comes a few seconds later. “Yeah, I’m here Princess. What’s up?”

“Do you have a frequency with Sinclair?”

“Sure do. Set it up while you and the Commander were missing,” Raven replies cheerfully.

“Call ahead to the Ark. Let them know they’re going to have a patient,” you request.

“Is everyone alright, Clarke?” Raven asks, sounding worried. “You and O aren’t hurt, are you?”

“We’re all fine, Rae,” you reassure her quickly. “Just tell them they’re going to have a Reaper to test their cure on sooner than they were thinking.”

“Will do, Princess. Reyes out.”

You tuck the radio into your pack carefully, turning the volume up so you’ll hear it if anyone tries to call you. “Indra, do you think Octavia would be alright to run back to Ton DC and get the Commander? She should be here for this.”

Indra nods and instructs Octavia to inform both Lexa and Anya of what has occurred and bring them back with her.

“But I –” Octavia’s protest is cut off by Indra’s sharp glare. “Sha, Fos,” she grits out, giving one last longing look at the still unconscious Lincoln slung across Gustus’ horse before taking off back the way you’d come.

You travel in silence with the two Trikru warriors for a good ten minutes, giving you plenty of time to think about what’s going to happen when you reach the Ark. Gustus had insisted that you stay on your horse, probably so that you can run away if anything more untoward happens. Not that you will. “Gustus?”

“Sha, Skaiheda.”

“When we reach the Ark, I want you and Indra to wait with Lincoln at the edge of the forest while I speak with whoever’s waiting. I know they’ve been forewarned that we’re coming, but I don’t want to take the chance of anyone getting trigger-happy.”

Gustus cocks his head, looking slightly puzzled. “Trigger-happy?”

You sigh. You really need to remember to lay off the slang around the Trikru or you’ll be explaining yourself far too often. “Getting scared and firing their guns at you. I don’t want you or Indra to get injured and have to explain to Heda why you were hurt during peace negotiations.”

“I was told to remain by your side at all times,” Gustus reminds you.

You curse Lexa for putting in that stipulation as the Ark comes into view. Honestly, you’re far from helpless, and not much can happen between here and what appears to be a hastily erected gate and fence surrounding the crunched metal of what used to be your home. Although, you do understand Lexa’s concern – you wish you could order warriors to surround Lexa constantly, even if they kind of do already. “I know, but it’ll just be for a few minutes,” you reason. “Just until I make sure someone I trust is out there and ready to let us in and take Lincoln to my mom.”

Gustus remains conflicted, but he eventually nods assent. “Five minutes. Then I will obey my Heda,” he warns.

“Glad you care, Gustus.” You suppress a smile. You’re definitely growing on the gruff warrior. You would go so far to say he might even like you a little bit now, rather than just not want to kill you on the spot. You nudge your horse into a trot, Gustus having shown you how to move with the horse’s gait at that pace earlier in the trip. As you approach the gate, you can hear the murmuring of the people inside pick up in volume.

Kane is on the wall above the gate when you reach it. You bite back a growl at the sight of him. He may be one of the most reasonable voices in the negotiations with Lexa, but you can’t forget the role he played in your father’s execution and your own arrest so quickly. You do find yourself more willing to forgive him than your mother or Jaha, as he was only ever following orders. But Kane personally threw you into your cell and locked you away from human contact for a year, so your bad feelings remain.

“Kane,” you call up politely. “Mind letting me and my escort in?”

The man motions for the guards to open the gate. “Raven called ahead,” he said as they hopped to it. “What’s this we heard about a possible attack?”

You shrug nonchalantly as you wave for Gustus and Indra to join you with their burdens. “An ambush, but we have a Reaper and a mountain man to show for it,” you announce. “Now if you don’t mind, is my mom ready? I’d like to get Lincoln to the medbay before he wakes up and decides he wants a chunk of me for supper.”

“Yes, yes of course.” Kane disappears from the top of the wall as the gates open fully.

Gustus leads his horse with Lincoln on top to stand next to you, eyeing the Ark warily as it appears. “Ai nou gaf gyon der in,” he mutters.

You can’t quite understand his words, but you nudge him, gathering that your bodyguard isn’t looking forward to being so enclosed. “It’ll be fine, Gustus. Trust me,” you urge.

The large man huffs, and you can definitely see where Lexa gets her attitude from, both in your past life and this one. You can almost imagine Lexa’s pout on Gustus’ face, and you have to hold back laughter at the idea. Gustus probably wouldn’t appreciate you enjoying his discomfort.

If anything, Indra looks even less pleased to be entering the camp than Gustus. “Where does the fraga go?” she practically growls.

“We have containment cells. We can dump him in there until Lincoln is taken care of,” you suggest. “His oxygen meter says he should have about another twenty-four to twenty-six hours of clean air left to breathe, which gives us time, and Heda should be here for his interrogation.”

Indra nods approvingly, and you sigh in relief. You don’t need to be butting heads with the stubborn and intimidating general while you try to solidify the precarious ceasefire between the Arkkru and Lexa’s people.

“Sergeant Miller,” you call Miller’s father over. He was always one of the more reasonable guards up on the Ark, and if you trust any of them, it’s him. “This is General Indra of the Trikru,” you introduce. He nods a terse greeting, wary but polite. Indra just purses her lips. “Can you escort her and the prisoner to one of the containment cells, preferably one that is still airtight? We don’t want any accidents happening before we get the chance to interrogate him.”

Miller’s eyes dart to Kane, and you have to bite your tongue so as not to snap at him. Can’t they see that you have their best interests in mind? _You_ made an alliance with the Trikru, not them. You escaped Mount Weather. You _found_ Lexa. You’ve done the impossible, and these people treat you like a child to be second guessed and questioned.

But Kane nods in approval before you can get too angry, and Miller disappears with a gesture for Indra to walk with him, leaving you and Gustus with Kane and the unconsciously oblivious Lincoln. “Your mother and Jackson are almost through with preparations for –”

“Lincoln,” you provide when Kane pauses awkwardly. “His name is Lincoln.”

“Right. Well, you should remember the way, Clarke, but if you both could follow me. Some of the passages collapsed during reentry so I’ll show you to the medbay.”

* * *

Octavia arrives while you’re scrubbing up to go into the exam room and join your mother and Jackson. “No trouble then?” you ask.

“Easy,” Octavia scoffs with just a touch of false bravado.

“And the Commander?”

“She and Anya are meeting with Indra first and then she said she was going to come here to observe the procedure.” Octavia hesitates. “Is he – is he still alright?”

You smile softly at her and grip her shoulder reassuringly. “Lincoln’s fine. Mom’s just about ready to start some testing and see what they’ve concocted up in the mountain. Jackson will assist and I’ll be in there in case of an emergency as an extra hand.”

Octavia follows you to the door a bit like a lost puppy. She grabs your hand with both of hers just as you push the door open. You look back at her, and you can see that the younger girl has trouble letting Lincoln out of her sight again as she stares over your shoulder. “I don’t trust her, Clarke,” Octavia whispers desperately. “I know she’s your mom, but she’s part of the reason _my_ mom is dead and I was locked up for being born. With Bell practically having gone off the deep end down here, Lincoln might be all I have left. I can’t lose him too.”

You pull the younger girl in for a tight hug, ignoring the tears you can feel soaking into your shoulder. “I know, O. I know everything she’s responsible for – your mom, my dad – all of it. But I’ll be there the whole time. I’m going to help fix Lincoln. Do you trust me?”

Octavia nods, pulling her face out of your shirt. She straightens up, looking calmer. “Sha, Klark. Ai wich yu in.”

“Then trust me with Lincoln. I won’t let anything happen to him.” You wait for Octavia to nod again before you disappear into the medbay in your mother’s wake. Lexa should be waiting for you when you get out, and hopefully you’ll have good news to tell her.

* * *

It’s kind of boring watching your mom and Jackson since they won’t really let you do anything to help. Lincoln is unconscious and sedated, and likely to stay that way for hours to come. Lexa arrived at some point when you weren’t paying attention. One minute you looked through the observation window to see Gustus and Octavia, and the next, Gustus had been replaced by your wife. You give her a small smile and she returns a tiny, almost unnoticeable one.

Your mom and Jackson communicate in quiet whispers and murmurs, drawing blood and running scans and giving Lincoln saline for rehydration in between conversations. It’s an hour or so before they give Lincoln another dose of sedative and pull a blanket over him. “I think that’s it,” your mom announces. You follow her out of the exam room so she can make her report to Lexa.

“So what are they really doing to them?” you ask.

Abby blows out a breath. “Surprisingly, we’re finding high quantities of the chemical derivatives of what used to be a common household kitchen spice in their systems – nutmeg. Jackson had to go digging through our files to get the information, but it seems that before the bombs, it was occasionally used as a cheap way to achieve a similar if even more dangerous effect as LSD.”

“Nutmeg?” you ask in disbelief. You used to use nutmeg whilst baking in your past life, if you remember right. You never knew it could be used as a drug and had never come across it in the hospital.

“I know. It was hard to believe. But there is a psychotic and hyperactive effect to it, particularly from one of its derivatives, myristicin. It would also cause the deliriousness and heart palpitations we’ve seen in Lincoln,” your mom explains.

“That can’t be all,” you interject. “It doesn’t explain why the Reapers are so strong, or why they even listen to the Maunon at all.”

Your mother nods. “We found several other drugs in their system. A refined version of Human Growth Hormone that seems to increase muscle strength and its ability to recover quickly after strenuous use. Scopolamine, which Jackson found in his research used to be widely used in some countries in the early twenty-first century as a kind of – ‘suggestion’ drug. A small dose causes amnesia and makes the victim highly submissive to orders. The last drug is common enough: caffeine. Both highly addictive and a potent painkiller. I believe that is what’s keeping the Reapers going back to the Mountain Men for more.”

“Where were they getting all this for the past – how long have they been taking your people, Heda?” you ask.

“Forty summers or more,” Lexa says grimly.

“Well, nutmeg they could grow if they have any farming capability. Scopolamine is extracted from the nightshade plant, which could also be grown if the people in Mount Weather were able to simulate the correct climate conditions. Human Growth Hormone would be trickier though. Unless they had the ability to create a synthetic version, the only other way to get it would be extracting it from dead humans. And it would take a lot of bodies to synthesize the amount needed for how many Reapers you say the mountain has,” Abby explains further.

A terrible thought hits you. “The dead Trikru. The ones they bleed. The Maunon are taking it from them.” One more atrocity to mark against them.

Lexa growls. “Can you fix him, Abby kom Arkkru?”

Abby nods hesitantly. “I believe it’s mostly a waiting game. It appears that working together, it takes the drugs about two hours in the body to achieve maximum effect. Added with the four hours you told us it takes to travel from Mount Weather to where Clarke was when she was attacked and the three hours since, Jackson and I have calculated that in another two hours, the drugs will be mostly metabolized.”

“And then what?” you ask. This is far beyond your medical training from this life, and the knowledge you acquired in your past life is still difficult to recall at times.

“I’d like to keep Lincoln on sedatives for another twenty-four hours or so just to be sure the other drugs are out of his system, and then we can start trying to wean him bit by bit with decreasing doses of caffeine to hopefully prevent the withdrawal symptoms your people have witnessed in the past.”

Octavia has been silent since your mom began her explanation, but now she speaks up. “So, Lincoln’s going to be okay?”

“Yes, Octavia,” Abby confirms. “With a little luck, he should recover.”

“If Lincoln awakes, you will have your alliance, Abby kom Arkkru,” Lexa decides. “But only then.”

Just then, alarms blare in the examination room and your mom rushes back in with you right on her heels. “He’s crashing!” Abby shouts. “Clarke, start CPR!”

You climb onto the bed as Abby dashes over to a cabinet and pulls out a syringe of what you assume is epinephrine. She inserts it into Lincoln’s ulnar vein as you continue compressions on his chest. You both watch the monitors for any signs of life, but none appear.

“Lincoln!” Octavia’s agonized voice jolts you out of your concentrated gaze. Indra’s arms are holding her new second back from interfering, and Octavia has tears running down her cheeks as she stares at her lover.

“Clarke…”

You shake your head at your mom, desperately trying to come up with a way to save Lincoln. An old practice from your past life returns to you suddenly, and you run for the doors.

“Clarke!” Abby yells.

“Keep his heart beating!” you shout back without stopping. You just need to – the sound of running feet behind you make you tense, but you relax when you can feel Lexa’s presence at your back. You sprint through the maze-like hallways of what used to be home and out into the dazzling sunlight you’re still not used to. You squint and cover your eyes, looking for your target.

You take a guard completely by surprise when you run up to him and steal his shock baton out of its sheath. “Hey!” he protests, then grunts when Lexa shoves him away from you.

You don’t pay him any heed and run full tilt back to the medbay, bursting through the small group of people, charging up the weapon, and slamming it down into Lincoln’s chest directly over his heart. “Clear out, Mom!” You release the full charge, and his body bows as electricity floods through his muscles. “Come on,” you whisper, staring at the monitors.

There’s no change, and you wilt in defeat.

“Again, Clarke,” your mother whispers.

You look over at her, and she nods encouragingly. You charge up the baton again and press it to Lincoln’s chest again to release its power. Lincoln jerks again, and miraculously, his heart starts beating on its own. You gape in open-mouthed wonder as the warrior’s oxygen levels pick up and his heart beat settles into a normal pattern. Then, just to add to the miracles of the afternoon, his eyes blink open. “O-Octavia,” he sighs out.

Said teen pushes between you and your mom immediately. “Lincoln,” she sobs. Octavia whispers something to him and Lincoln seems to fall back asleep after. Octavia then throws her arms around you, holding you tight. “Thank you,” she whispers.

You pat her back, still panting from your run. “No problem.”

Lexa now approaches, eyes wide in disbelief at what she has witnessed. “You have your alliance, Abbi kom Arkkru,” she murmurs, “although I would hope that not all of your patients experience such uncertainty in the future.”

“We’ll work on our approach,” your mom says, a bit stiffly but at least polite. You can tell she still doesn’t like or trust Lexa, particularly since she can’t seem to figure out the relationship between you two. You hope it’s months later before she does. Preferably years.

“Okay, now that Lincoln’s been taken care of, we need to discuss the Mountain Man Octavia captured,” you interject. There’s always another crisis to deal with.

The entire group except for Jackson and Octavia leave the exam room so as not to disturb Lincoln. “Heda, we searched the fraga before placing him in a cell,” Indra informs your wife. “We found this in his suit.” She holds out a small sheet of what looks like paper for Lexa to take.

Lexa stares at it for a long moment, jaw clenching, then she hands it to you. It’s not a piece of paper – it’s a photograph. You haven’t seen a physical one in years, although you kept them all over the house in your last life. In the photo are you and Lexa, standing close to each other in the forest. You remember the day this was taken. Down to the right in red letters it just says:

_Kill them._

“Frag em op,” Lexa orders angrily.


	16. Denying the Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke has to stop Lexa from killing Emerson too soon, someone has a reveal, and a lil bit of sin.

“Heda!” You run after Lexa as she storms down the hall in the direction of the containment cell the Mountain Man was placed in. You have to slide past Indra, who has already drawn her sword, but Anya moves a bit to her right to make way for you. “Lexa!” you whisper harshly in her ear. “We can’t kill him yet.” She’s not listening to you, too far gone in her anger, so you grab her arm and tug her to a halt.

Lexa jerks out of your grip and you can hear Indra snarl in warning behind you, but you ignore her. “Then what do you suggest, Klark?” Lexa growls, her anger and frustration turned on you. “After everything the Maunon have done, you say this one does not deserve to die? My people demand justice!”

“I wasn’t saying that, Commander,” you soothe, trying to remind your wife that you are not her enemy. “I’m saying that it might not be the best idea to kill him right away. We need information – information that he has.”

“Your Belomi has infiltrated the Mountain,” Lexa still snaps, but calmer.

You shake your head. “He hasn’t checked in yet, so we have no way of knowing for sure. And even if he does succeed, there will be places that he can’t go. The man’s suit will have almost a full day of oxygen left, we can get what we need from him during that time.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?” Indra growls.

“We need to know patrols, how many people in the mountain are trained to fight, where my people are being kept, and more importantly, where the main entrance is,” you explain. “If we can get that out of him, and if Bellamy comes through, we might actually be able to do this.”

“And after?” Lexa questions. “What is to be done with the Maunon then? Will you ask us to spare his life? I owe justice to the Trikru, Skaiheda.”

You bite your lip, hoping you’ll be able to live with yourself after what you’re about to say. “I know that for his crimes, you will demand his execution. My people may fight you on it, but I won’t oppose you. I gave you Finn – a murderer from the mountain doesn’t hold more loyalty than he did.” Just one more chip off your humanity.

Lexa nods approvingly. “As ever, you prove most reasonable, Klark,” she compliments, that soft look you know finally back in her eyes.

She’s not out of the doghouse, though. “Have I ever given you reason to doubt me?” you ask rhetorically.

Your wife looks properly chastised and dips her head in acknowledgement. “You have not – something I and my people will endeavor to remember from now on.”

“Shall we go speak with this Mountain Man then, Heda?” you ask politely, point made. “Together?”

“Sha, Skaiheda.” Lexa leads the way to the airtight containment unit. You were locked up for a year and you’ve already forgotten some of the twists and turns of the corridors, but Lexa walks with assured confidence. Figures that she would retain her photographic memory in this life. “How do you suggest we approach this, Clarke?” Lexa asks quietly on the way.

“Did he have anything on him?”

“Indra,” Lexa commands.

The general pulls out some kind of handheld device. “This was all that was found,” she reveals, “apart from a – radio – that was taken back to Ton DC for Reivon.”

You inspect the device closely. When you press the only switch on it, a high-pitched whine emits from it. You wince and shut it off quickly. “Well, it’s not a radio. I’ll just have to ask our guest what it’s for.”

“And how do you plan to get him to tell _you_ anything?” Indra scoffs. “It would be better to kill him and have done with it, Heda.”

“Shof op, Indra,” Lexa warns.

Indra subsides with a grumble.

“Clarke, what _is_ your plan?” Lexa asks in a whisper. “You have not said.”

You have to consider for a moment. You’ve been flying this one blind, your focus more on saving Lincoln than dealing with an enemy interrogation. “There’s no way he’ll ever talk to you because he knows you’ll kill him for all his people have done to yours,” you admit.

“Then it would seem pointless to attempt any questioning, as Indra said.”

“It would,” you allow, “except – he doesn’t know how deep our alliance runs. If he thinks that I would be willing to go against your orders and risk angering you by freeing him if he talks, he may choose to divulge.”

Lexa nods, thinking it over. “And if he should choose to do so?”

“Then I will keep my word,” you shrug. “I’ll let him go.” Indra is immediately incensed, but you continue before she can interrupt yet again. “Once he’s gone from the Ark, your people will have every opportunity for justice, as I swore.”

“Very well,” Lexa agrees. “We shall do this as you say.”

“Good.” You finish the walk to the cell in silence. You pause outside the door where two guards await. “You and the rest of your people should wait out here. Just so he’s more likely to talk.” Lexa nods, motioning for Indra and Anya to back off, following them to wait at a distance. You take a deep breath, fortifying yourself for what’s to come, and enter the cell. The bulky suit concealing the man is much less intimidating when confined to a small space, and you feel a little reassured. “What’s your name?” you ask first.

Silence. Really no surprise there.

“Okay. Well, you’re really not in a good place to not answer my questions. The Commander of the Trikru is right outside the door, and not exactly the forgiving type.” _Sorry, Lex_ , you apologize. “Honestly, she’s a bit savage, if you understand me. It took a lot of negotiation to get her to allow me to question you instead of just killing you and having done with it.”

Still silence. Really? He’s going to be that sullen about it?

“Fine. I will go get her, if this is going to be a waste of my time.” You grab the handle, hoping he doesn’t call your bluff.

“Wait,” the man speaks for the first time. You heave a silent sigh of relief. “It’s Emerson.”

“Emerson? Good. Now, Emerson, here’s the thing. You’re not in a good position. Your best option is to answer my questions honestly. Do that, and I might be able to keep the Grounders from killing you.”

Emerson scoffs. “And what? You’ll keep me here until my air runs out in twenty hours? Not a lot of incentive.”

“Wrong. Tell me what I want to know, and I’ll send you back.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that,” Emerson jeers.

You shrug. “You can believe what you want. If you think that we’ve completely assimilated with the Grounders, then don’t say anything else. But just between you and me,” you crouch down on his level, “I’ve been spending quite a lot of time with that Commander of theirs – as you know from that picture – and she’s going to let you sit here until your air is almost gone. And when you’re gasping, suffocating, the Commander is going to rip you out of that suit and cut you open.” You stand back up. “At least, that’s what I heard.”

“And you can stop that savage from getting me?”

“One of my people caught you,” you inform him. “Gives us first rights, I suppose. Consider yourself lucky.”

Emerson considers his options for a minute. “What do you want to know?”

* * *

You leave Emerson in his cell overnight because you can – and you want him to be uncomfortable. Lexa has Indra drag him out an hour before dawn, where you’re waiting for them by the gates of the Ark. “Clarke!” the shout of your name distracts you. Your mother is running up, looking angry. “What are you doing? You’re going to let them kill him? That’s not who we are!”

The hypocrisy almost makes you speechless. “Isn’t it?” you spit, livid. You thought you were past these problems with Abby. Ignoring her spluttering and excuses for the moment, you turn back to where Indra is still restraining Emerson. “How long of a walk to Mount Weather?” you ask him.

Emerson pauses, trying to guess your game. You stare back into his eyes, daring him to cause another problem. “Eight hours,” he finally answers.

You nod and grab his oxygen meter. He has ten hours left – you press the lever that says _Release_ and watch as the arrow goes down. “You’re gonna do it in six.”

“I won’t allow you to do this, Clarke,” your mom butts in. “It’s inhumane! I’m the Chancellor, and I’m ordering you to stop this now!”

“You may be the Chancellor,” you spin to confront Abby, “but I’m in charge. The hundred follow me, and I formed the alliance with the Trikru. The Clans see me as the Sky Commander, not you. Outside of your circle, you don’t have any power anymore. Understand?” It’s harsh, but your mother needs to learn once and for all where things stand. There will be more fights in the future you’re sure, but for now, Abby stalks away, fuming, revealing Octavia and Indra having a discussion. Octavia is giving you a strange look, and you wonder what you did to piss her off this time. You just helped save Lincoln, shouldn’t she be happier with you?

“Okteivia!” Indra snaps, smacking her upside the head. “Are you listening?”

“Sha, fos,” Octavia says hurriedly. “Moba. I follow Emerson without being detected, and when he is within sight of the entrance to the mountain, I deal with him. I pin the picture of Heda and Clarke to his suit, as a warning, and I get out without getting caught.”

“Yes. Succeed in this, and I will consider allowing you to fight in the battle against the Maunon when the time comes.”

That doesn’t seem like much of a reward to you, but Octavia seems pleased with it. “Can I talk to Clarke for a minute? It won’t take long.”

Indra sighs, as if it’s the most annoying request ever made of her. “Very well. But be quick. Return to Ton DC when it is done.”

“Sha, General.” Octavia grabs your arm and practically drags you to a corner where you won’t be overheard. “Am I going crazy?” she hisses, looking at you suspiciously.

“Um,” you stall. “Why?”

The younger girl huffs and throws her arm out, gesturing around. “Because I recognize people that I already know? What the hell, Clarke? I’m starting to feel like you know what’s going on, since you were suddenly so buddy-buddy with the Commander last month. And now I feel like I know her too, and Anya, and Raven, and you. You know something about this, don’t you?” she accuses, pointing a finger in your face.

“Okay, could you keep your voice down?” Octavia’s remembering. Nearly losing Lincoln must have triggered her. “Yes. Alright? Yes. You know Lexa. You know me. Lexa says it’s reincarnation – remember how she believed in that in our last life? Well, she was right, and it seems like a lot of us are back for this shit hole.”

Octavia stares at you, trying to put the pieces together. “Lincoln…”

“You were married in your last life. I was married to Lexa, and Raven was married to Anya,” you explain. “Indra was my former boss, amazingly enough. There are others – you probably had the same parents. I did.”

“This,” Octavia shakes her head, “this is too much. That’s why you were so insistent that Bell find that girl. Tris, Anya’s second. She was your daughter.”

You frown at the thought of your girl trapped in Mount Weather, terrified that you’ll lose her without ever getting to know her again. “Yeah, she was. Aiden is here too, but I haven’t met him yet.”

Octavia runs her hand through her hair. “Holy shit, this is crazy. How many other people know?”

“Just you, me, Lexa, and Anya, as far as I know. But you can’t go spreading this around, alright?” you warn.

“Not that that wasn’t obvious already. Thanks, Clarke,” Octavia drawls.

“This is serious, O,” you insist. “I’m barely hanging onto leading our people while my mom is constantly battling me. If she or anyone else that’s left from the Council found out about this, they’d lock us up for insanity in a second.”

The younger girl holds her hands up in surrender. “I got it, Princess. I can keep a secret. But what do we do now? Do you and Lexa have a plan?”

You sigh. “Do the best we can? Mount Weather must fall, preferably without losing any more people – ours or Trikru. After that – I’d like to meet my son, and my daughter, properly. I want to be able to be with Lexa without having to hide. I’m so tired, O,” you shrug helplessly.

Octavia grips your shoulder, reassuring. “What do you need me to do?” she offers.

* * *

Octavia is off half an hour later, following a newly released Emerson. If she does her job correctly, she should return to Ton DC tomorrow around midday. You, Lexa, and her escort will remain just outside the Ark’s walls for the night before traveling back to Ton DC at dawn. Anya’s already on her way back, ostensibly to confer with the Ambassadors on their Heda’s behalf, but you know Lexa sent her so she could spend time with Raven with no other responsibilities to pull her away. You have plans for your own wife tonight, including some reprimanding for forgetting her trust in you.

“Good evening, Klark,” Lexa greets when you sweep into her tent. “You may go, Indra,” she dismisses her general. Once Indra is gone, your wife turns her full attention to you. “Clarke, was there something –”

You don’t let her finish, stifling her with a kiss. Lexa lets out a grunt but returns it eagerly. It’s been far too long since you’ve been able to be alone with her. You back her towards the bed, bearing her down onto the furs. “You need to lose the cape,” you whisper, kissing her jaw.

“It’s – it’s the Heda’s sash, not a cape,” Lexa protests breathlessly, arching her neck to offer up more skin to your lips.

“Sash, cape, it needs to go. And the rest of your clothes.” She doesn’t move for a moment. “Now, Lexa.” You get off of her to allow her room to maneuver and so you can toss your own clothing to the ground. Crawling back on top of her, you kiss your way up her now naked body. “I missed this.”

Lexa gasps at that sensitive spot on her collarbone that always rendered speechless in your last life. “Clarke,” she moans, eyes slipping closed.

“Now,” you murmur in her ear. “We had an issue today, where you seemed to forget just who I am and what I mean to you.” You press a last kiss to Lexa’s lips before leaning back to rest gently on her stomach, kneeling over her. “I wasn’t your wife – I wasn’t even your ally. You didn’t trust me in that moment, did you?” You’ve already forgiven her, but Lexa doesn’t need to know that yet and you can have some fun. Something you think the both of you desperately need.

Lexa is still panting lightly from your attentions, trying to focus on your words. “Clarke…”

You press a finger to her lips. “Uh-uh. Did you think there wouldn’t be consequences, pretty girl?” you ask lightly, tracing a finger over her chest.

“I-What?”

“You didn’t trust that I had a plan, Lexa. You showed that distrust in front of not only Anya, but Indra, who is already looking for any reason to get rid of me. There are repercussions, Wife.” Lexa’s eyes widen, and when you’re able to take her by surprise and flip her over onto her stomach, you know she’s truly caught up in your words. You cover the curve between her neck and shoulder with kisses as you carefully ease her pant strings loose and slide them down her legs. “You’re going to have to show me that you’re sorry, Lex.”

Lexa heaves a shuddering sigh. “I forgot,” she admits. “For a moment I forgot to be more than just Heda. I felt threatened with Emerson near. My entire life has been about keeping my people safe, and I forgot.”

“I’m not looking for excuses, Lexa,” you reprimand. “I want an apology.”

A pause. “Heda doesn’t –” You cut her off when your teeth grip the back of her neck. She gasps and goes still.

“There is no Heda in here,” you tell her. “There’s only Lexa, my wife. Be Lexa, pretty girl.”

Lexa finally relaxes, her eyes closing and limbs nearly boneless. “I’m sorry, Clarke,” she whispers.

You lean over to kiss her deeply. “I missed being on top of you,” you say, nonchalant. One hand drifts down her back and over her ass to settle between her legs. She is absolutely soaked. You consider teasing Lexa, working her up and not letting her fall, but decide you’ve gotten your point across. You slide two fingers in and Lexa moans in surprise. “I missed being inside you.”

It doesn’t take long to work Lexa up to climax, and she comes with a groan. You move off of her and gather her up, loose limbs and all. Lexa wiggles until she’s resting half on top of you, her head on your shoulder and your arms holding her securely. She kisses your neck, making you shiver. “You didn’t come,” she worries, moving one hand down your body.

You grab it and hold it on your chest. “It’s alright. That wasn’t about me.”

“I am sorry,” Lexa says. “For not treating you like my ally or my wife.”

“I understand the need for restraint. To a certain extent,” you sigh. “But just remember that I am always going to be on your side, Lex. And I forgave you hours ago, this was just about having some fun, since it seems like you needed it.”

Lexa giggles slightly, a sound that warms your heart. “Ai hod yu in, Clarke,” she murmurs, sleepy now that her mind has been eased and her body taken care of.

“I love you too, Lexa.”


	17. Follow the Pale Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Missile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the wait. Moved across the country a couple weeks ago and had a couple other stories that have been finished off since the last chapter posted. Now I'm down to just two ongoing stories, so hopefully updates should be a little faster, although I am going to be looking for a new job, so things still may be a bit slow. But I'm working on both of them and I'm glad people have been looking forward to the next chapter!

You feel Lexa slip out of bed early in the morning, before the sun rises. You open your eyes, and even though your wife quickly urges you to rest some more, you yawn and crawl out from under the furs after her. “Lex? What’s going on?”

“Octavia has returned early and safely,” Lexa says. “Gustus informed me that she was successful in her mission – the Maunon is dead, and now I must meet with my generals to discuss possible retaliation against our people. Indra has given leave for Octavia to travel to the Ark to be with Lincoln. She will ride out after giving me her official report.”

“Alright. Do you need or want me at all?”

“I will always need you, Clarke.”

Lexa is very serious in her reply, and you have to kiss her for that. “You’re sweet, but I meant in the meeting.”

“Oh. Then, no.”

You nod. “Good. Then I’d like to ride to the Ark with Octavia and take Raven with me. They may need Raven’s engineering expertise for repairs, and she has the radio, so if Bellamy makes contact, I’d like her close by.”

“That is acceptable. I would send Anya with you as a guard, but I have need of her counsel today. I will find someone else suitable,” Lexa decides as she continues to get dressed.

Rolling your eyes, you wrap your arms around her from behind. “You know, the three of us are getting pretty good at protecting ourselves. We don’t exactly need a guard. Plus, Octavia remembers now, so that’s a bonus.”

“What?”

You almost smack yourself for forgetting that part. “Yeah. She remembered yesterday. Lincoln almost dying must have triggered her.”

Lexa huffs. “This is getting far too complicated. The more people that remember, the more cautious we must be with our words and actions. This could grow beyond our control quickly.”

“You worry too much.” You press a kiss to the back of her neck, where a tattoo of a broken infinity symbol lies. You’ll have to ask her about her tattoos later. They’re different in this life, and you want to know all about what they represent for her, because knowing Lexa, they all have a deep, personal meaning. “Send a guard if you must and if it will make you feel better. Can I have your dad?”

“No.” Lexa just rolled her eyes. You can’t see it, but she definitely did. “I need him here, too. I will send Ryder with you. He is loyal to Indra, and will protect you well.”

“Fine. I’ll go let Raven know to pack her stuff for the day. See you later?”

Lexa nods and you squeeze her tighter for a moment before letting her free from your embrace.

* * *

The instant you walk into Raven’s tent, you wish you had announced yourself first. “Oh, um – shit.” You wince and cover your eyes as Anya hurls herself out of the furs and reaches for her pants and tunic, knife held in her hand as though she slept with it. “I did not _ever_ need to see that.”

“ _Branwada_ ,” Anya mutters, tugging down your hand. Thankfully, she’s now fully dressed. Raven has the decency to look slightly embarrassed, although there’s also a smugness in her eyes.

“Um, Anya? Can I talk to you? Outside?” you hiss, pulling Anya out of the tent by her bicep. You wait until you’re out of Raven’s immediate earshot to start berating your friend. “Is that really wise, sleeping with Raven right now?” you demand.

Anya glares. “She is my wife,” she mutters stoically.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t know that,” you remind her. “Are you sure that’s – ethical, or whatever?”

Now her arms are crossed. You are really pissing Anya off. “If you must know, Raven approached _me_ last night, Clarke,” she growls. “Not the other way around. Now, if you will excuse me, I have duties to attend to.”

Well shit. Of course Raven would jump Anya before she even remembered they used to be together. Trust Raven to gleefully make everything complicated. “Yeah, Lexa’s calling a meeting. You just – go do that,” you murmur as Anya stalks away. “Okay. Good talk.” You walk back to Raven’s tent. “Are you decent Rae?”

“Sure, Griff.”

Praying you’re best friend is telling the truth, you push your way into the tent. “Want to tell me what that was all about?” you inquire wryly once you see that it’s safe and the mechanic is fully clothed.

Raven just shrugs. “She’s gorgeous, dangerous, and I think sleeps with a knife. Of course she’d be great in bed.”

“Alright.” You hold up your hands. You really don’t need to hear anything more of Anya’s sexual prowess. That’s pretty much your sister-in-law. “Get up. We’re going to the Ark today with O.”

“We are?”

“Yep. You’re bringing the radio and are going to help with any repairs they might need. Octavia wants to see how Lincoln is doing, and I’m going to check in with the Council and organize some meet-ups between the Ark and the Trikru. Hopefully get this alliance going stronger in some fashion. If we can get the people who _aren’t_ on the Council into a good relationship with the Grounders, we’ll have a shot at this.”

Raven gives you a knowing look. “And you’ll be able to do all your Commander loving out in the open.” Your eyes widen in shock, and Raven scoffs. “Please, like you two thought you were being subtle? Anyone with eyes can see how you haven’t spent a night in your own tent since Finn killed all those people.” She grimaces at that, but plows on. “And when the Commander found out that massive dude had followed you into the forest, you should have seen the look on her face. She was murderous.”

“I – uh –” You grasp for words. “We’re keeping it quiet,” you finally manage. “This alliance comes first – before any relationship we may have. We don’t want it to interfere with any kind of negotiations so I would appreciate you not telling anyone.”

“Yeah, yeah – on the down low. I got it, Princess. Don’t count on me keeping it from Octavia, though,” Raven warns.

“Oh, she already knows,” you dismiss. “She figured it out yesterday.”

Raven looks affronted. “And she didn’t tell me. That hurts, Clarke.”

“You can argue with her about my personal life on the way to Ark. Be ready to go in an hour,” you instruct.

“Roger that.”

As you leave Raven’s tent, you catch sight of Lexa on her way to the war tent with Anya beside her and Gustus following. You send her a small smile, and she nods in return before disappearing into her meeting. A tall, muscular man you presume is Ryder approaches you. “Skaiheda, horses are being prepared for our departure.”

You nod. “Alright. We should be ready to leave within the hour. Raven just needs to collect her gear and I need to find Octavia and tell her to expect company.”

“I am to remain by your side at all times, Skaiheda.”

Of course Lexa told him that. Her overprotective tendencies have shot through the roof since Quint’s assassination attempt. “Outside of the village, I agree with that. Reluctantly. But when I’m at the Ark, I don’t need a guard. If you aren’t comfortable being within the walls, I’ll be perfectly safe there.”

He hesitates, almost looking tempted by the offer. “My duties were made clear,” he finally decides on.

“We’ll discuss it more when we get there. I’m going to look for Octavia. When Raven’s ready, can you help her load any gear she has onto her mount?”

“Sha, Skaiheda.”

You smile at him. “Mochof Ryder. I’ll be back soon.”

* * *

Having eventually convinced Ryder that he could stay with the horses just inside the Ark’s perimeter, your morning has been fairly productive, for once, and you’re pleased as you breathe in the fresh air after the staleness of the Ark. You were able to speak with Kane – who still kind of pisses you off whenever you look at him but being on the ground seems to have mellowed out his previous overly severe attitude – without your mother present to start an argument and you two agreed on trying to set up some kind of cooperation with Ton DC, the Ark’s closest neighbors. If Raven and Sinclair can rig up some electricity, that would be something that Ton DC would benefit from. Or running water. The Ark should still have some functioning solar panels, and Raven is hypothesizing that Mount Weather gets their power the same way.

While you would love to be able to solve the conflict with the Mountain Men peacefully, you are beginning to doubt it will be possible and Lexa’s people would never go for it. They’ve suffered for too long to ever forgive. And you can’t really blame them. So after this is over, Raven may have some new options to play with. Lexa told you that now that she could remember her past life, she had recognized the Mountain had dammed up a river and had turbines from the old world that could be used to store power. That will be useful in the future, when this battle is over and done with. Being able to offer Ton DC some upgrades to make daily life easier would go a long way to cementing this new alliance.

“Clarke!” Raven yells from her temporary workshop space just outside the Ark’s walls. “Bellamy’s on the line!”

You hurry toward her. “Is he alright? Did he make it in?”

“Octavia’s talking to him now – I don’t know.”

The teen in question is speaking hurriedly into the radio when the two of you get back, a recovered Lincoln standing by her side with a hand on her shoulder. “Bell – Bell, slow down. What are you saying?”

“Clarke was wrong about the Mountain, O,” are the first words you hear from Bellamy in days. And he’s already pissed you off. “I’ve talked with them. They approached me with a truce. We don’t _need_ to fight them.”

He what now? “What are you talking about, Bell?” Octavia takes the words right out of your mouth. “The Mountain Men – they’re _monsters_. They took our friends, they’ve been taking the Grounders from their homes for decades. We have to fight back.”

“There’s a way we can all get out of this, O,” Bellamy counters. “The rest of the hundred, even the adults on the Ark. All they’re asking for is that compatible donors be willing to give bone marrow. Give them the access to the ground they’ve been trying to get to for a century.”

You snatch the radio. “And hand the Trikru and other clans to their machine guns on a silver platter? Not gonna happen, Bellamy.”

“They’re not on our side!” Bellamy snapped. “Cards are on the table, Griffin – we gotta stick with our own kind, and that’s the Mountain.”

“How could you?” Octavia whispers. “After what they did to Lincoln – you _know_ how cruel the Mountain Men are. What they’re doing to the Trikru and other clans. How could you side with them?”

Bellamy scoffs. “Those savages will turn on us once we’ve served our purpose, O. Can’t you see that? I’m _protecting_ you from brutes like him.”

You step in before Octavia can yell at her brother. “I made this alliance with the Trikru and their Heda, Bellamy, and I won’t have you throwing it away just because someone offered you more power than I did.”

“Your decisions are going to get us all killed, Griffin. My sister included. This is what’s best for us.”

“Over my dead body!” Octavia yells into the receiver.

“That can be arranged, my dear.”

Cold dread rushes over you. Dante Wallace. The mountain was listening this whole time. Bellamy really has betrayed you.

“Now, as a courtesy to young Mister Blake – as he has been most helpful – I will give you two fair warning. We are ending the threat the Outsiders pose with their army in that village of theirs once and for all. I would stay away from there tonight if I were you. My son Cage is quite eager to show off.”

“What did you do?” you whisper.

“This base was used by the military before the world ended,” a man who must be Cage reminds you. “They left their belongings behind. Namely, a missile or two. I wonder what firepower like that could do to a village made of cloth and wood.”

Bellamy speaks up again. “O, stay away from those savages. I’m coming to get you after this. I promise.”

Octavia takes the radio from you again. “You’re dead to me,” she utters, voice shaking with emotion and tears running down her face.

“Octavia –” Bellamy’s voice is cut short by Octavia turning the radio off viciously.

“We have to go,” she says immediately. “We have to warn them.”

You, Octavia, and Lincoln run for the exit. “You guys go without me,” Raven breaks in. “Someone has to explain to the people here that Bellamy’s gone to the dark side. Abby will listen to me.”

“Thanks, Rae,” you say hurriedly before rushing out after Octavia. “Ryder, we have to go now!” you yell at your guard as you approach your mounts. Lincoln boosts Octavia up onto her horse quickly and then swings into the saddle of Raven’s horse with ease. You clamber onto your horse with much less grace, but at least you didn’t have to wait for Ryder’s help.

The ride back to Ton DC is a frantic one, given that you don’t know just when the Mountain is planning on launching their missile and how much time you will have to evacuate the village. In a way, Bellamy’s betrayal has become a small blessing in disguise. If he hadn’t been discovered, and told you about the missile launch, you wouldn’t have been able to react to the warning in order to not blow his cover. Instead, now Ton DC can hopefully still be saved.

At a full gallop, Ton DC comes into view within forty minutes. “Find Indra!” you yell at Octavia and Lincoln. “Tell her to order the evacuation of the village!”

“On it!” Octavia shouts, veering off toward the training arena, where Indra will likely be.

You throw yourself off of your horse, Ryder right behind you. “Lexa!” You scramble into the war tent. The general murmur in the meeting comes to a halt at your interruption, everyone turning to look at you. “Heda, we must evacuate,” you pant. “Bellamy betrayed us to the Mountain. They’re going to launch a missile at the village. We have to leave!”

Lexa thankfully reacts immediately, not wasting time on questions. “Organize your commands,” she orders the generals. “Assist in the evacuations of the townspeople. Gustus, make sure everyone gets out – keep an eye out for any lost _yongons_ particularly. Onya and Klark with me!” Everybody scatters to do as told. When you get back out into the open air, people are already running into the forest, animals and children in tow as Indra and Gustus bark out orders to those still milling around. “How far will we need to be away to be safe, Clarke?” Lexa asks quickly.

You shake your head. “I don’t know. But it could come any second – we have to get as far away as possible.”

“Because of you, we will be able to.”

“Where’s Raven?” Anya asks, frantic.

“Still at the Ark,” you reassure her. “She stayed behind to tell my mom and the Council what’s happening. She’s safe.”

Anya’s eyes close briefly as she sighs in relief before leading the way to the horses. You mount, quickly followed by the other two. “Gustus!” Lexa calls to her guard. “ _En in klirnes?! (Is everyone to safety?!)_ ”

“ _Sha, Heda!_ ” he yells. “ _Ai wich den. Bants nau! (I think so. Leave, now!)”_

Lexa wheels her horse around and spurs him straight into a gallop, Anya just behind. Your horse takes off after them without any instruction necessary from you. Not two minutes later, the loudest sound you’ve heard since the Dropship entered the atmosphere almost blows out your eardrums. You feel the heat of the explosion even from a mile away, faint though it may be.

“Gustus,” Lexa murmurs. “We have to go back and make sure he got out.”

Anya pulls her horse in front of your wife’s. “Lexa, it’s too dangerous,” she argues. “What if they fire another missile on the chance that people go back? You are the Commander – the Coalition needs you. _Clarke_ and I need you.”

Lexa shakes her head. “He’s my father. I have to find him.” She kicks her horse into a gallop and heads back to the smoldering remains of the village.


	18. My Fate Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of the missile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such major writer's block on this one let me tell ya. But it's here.

“Lexa!” Both you and Anya spur your horses after your rapidly disappearing wife. The sight of Ton DC in burned ruins that greets you a few minutes later leaves you breathless. If you had been five minutes later – Ton DC’s population would have been decimated.

“How many people in the village?” you ask Anya.

“Two hundred and fifty, give or take,” Anya replies tersely. “Plus the remnants of the three hundred that were originally summoned to battle against you skayon. Around four hundred total maybe, that were saved. You have done Trikru a great service, Clarke.”

Lexa has gotten off her horse and is desperately scanning the buildings that are still aflame. “Gustus!” she calls.

“Heda!” Gustus comes storming into the village on foot, sword drawn.

“Gustus! Yu kei _?”_ Lexa asks frantically, gripping his arm.

Her guardian and father grips back just as hard. “Sha _,_ Alexandria.”

You can see the relief rolling off of Lexa in waves, and even Anya looks marginally happy. But something isn’t sitting right with you. Sure, Dante offered the warning as a ‘courtesy’ to Bellamy betraying you, and perhaps he wasn’t entirely comfortable murdering an entire village of civilians, even if he’s approved of the kidnapping and draining of Trikru for generations. However, given what you know of his son, it doesn’t seem to you like Cage wouldn’t have minded blowing up several hundred men, women, and children at all. So why did he wait, giving you enough time to sound the warning to evacuate? He could have launched –

The launch. Missiles need coordinates. GPS. They probably have old coordinates from before the nuclear war, but no telling how accurate they are anymore. And if they didn’t know exactly where Ton DC was, then that means – “We have to get out of here,” you whisper.

“What?” Anya glances over at you, confused.

“The missile. The, the coordinates,” you rush out. “Someone had to be feeding them coordinates! They had to have a man in eyesight of the village. They waited, Anya. We’re sitting ducks.”

Anya face snaps over to where Lexa and Gustus are quietly murmuring to each other. “Find cover,” she orders you before taking off toward her best friend. You watch her anxiously, feet glued to the ground.

You watch as Anya sprints into Lexa without slowing down, throwing her into Gustus.

You watch as Anya stumbles, never even hearing the gunfire.

You watch Anya fall.

And then you’re right next to her without realizing how you got there. “Anya!” Gustus is dragging Lexa away as she fights to get to her friend and general, and Anya is gasping under you, her hands against the gaping wound in her stomach. “Shit, shit, shit,” you panic. _Staunch the bleeding first_ , your mother’s words guide you. You quickly unwind the wraps around your arms, balling them up and shoving Anya’s hands away to press hard against the wound. Anya flinches but otherwise doesn’t make a sound as you try to control her bleeding.

It's only been seconds, but you’re out in the open still, the sniper could take a shot at you at any time. But you can’t leave Anya, and you’re pretty sure you couldn’t drag her to cover. You hunker down as best you can, keeping pressure on her stomach.

“Klark!” You look up to see Lincoln high in a tree, bow in hand, gesturing for you to go to him. You can’t see Gustus or Lexa anymore, and you’re glad he kept your wife safe. Shaking your head at Lincoln, you focus back on Anya, cringing at the thought that a bullet could hit you at any second. The sound of a whistling arrow streaks over you in the direction the sniper’s shot came from. Three more quickly follow, spreading out over the expanse of territory the Maunon could be hiding in. Lincoln’s trying to buy you time to get out of the open.

“Fuck it.” Grabbing Anya under her arms, you start to drag her toward Lincoln’s tree. Anya whimpers as the hole in her stomach stretches and more blood seeps out. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” you chant.

Arms slip under Anya’s back and legs, lifting her in the air. Lincoln dashes back to his tree, darting around it with you following close behind. A shot spatters the ground where you and Anya had been seconds before, spurring you to move more quickly. The sniper must have found a new hide. “Where’s Indra and the rest of the warriors?” you ask. You can see Gustus again, hidden in a copse of trees nearby with his body placed protectively between Lexa and where it seems the sniper’s shots are now coming from.

“If the village is attacked, the first priority is protecting the civilians,” Lincoln says hurriedly. “We will not get any help from the gona. Indra did not want me to come back, but Heda’s life is more important.” He pulls out a couple of leaves, quickly mashing them into a paste that he forces Anya to swallow. “To help with the pain,” he informs you.

“She needs better treatment than I can give her out here. She needs my mom, Lincoln. Or she’s going to die.”

“I will be fine, Klark,” Anya mutters through clenched teeth.

“Shut up. You won’t,” you hiss back. “Lincoln,” you plead with him. “Gustus won’t leave Heda and you’re the faster rider of the two of us. And the Ark will recognize you. Please. Take her.”

Lincoln hesitates, but nods swiftly. “Very well Skaiheda.” He lifts Anya again despite her protests and takes off into the woods in the direction the rest of the village had headed before the missile, most likely to commandeer a mount. You sneak over toward Gustus and Lexa, pausing behind each tree just in case the sniper starts taking pot shots.

“Klark, how is she?” Lexa demands once you’re near enough to hear her.

“Lincoln’s taking her to the Ark so my mom can treat her. She knows a lot more than I do,” you try to reassure your wife. “If he can get her there soon, I think she’ll be okay.”

Hearing this, Gustus interjects. “Heda, we must dispose of the fayagon snika. He is a danger to the village.”

Lexa nods decisively. “Sha. We cannot rely on Indra’s warriors for assistance. They will be guarding the civilians. We will separate, approach his estimated location from three sides. Klark, do you still have your fayagon?”

“Always.” You _were_ growing more comfortable with the sword, but it’s been a while since you’ve been able to train with anyone. What with being kidnapped, and then the Ark having fallen, then Finn, then curing Lincoln, then the missile, and fuck you need a vacation. But you’ve kept your pistol in a leg sheath on you at all times, just in case.

“Good. You take the west, Gustus the east, and I’ll come from the north. Understood?”

“Sha, Heda,” you and Gustus respond at the same time.

You weren’t exactly big on hunting when Anya and her warriors were teaching you and the rest of the hundred after you first landed, but you find you like hunting people even less than animals. For one, the animal can’t shoot back at you. And honestly, when you hear a rustle and crouch down to peer through a berry bush, you’re surprised to find yourself facing the back of a man, minus a haz-suit. You expected Lexa or Gustus to find him first – now you’re not entirely sure how to deal with this situation. None of your people would be out this far right? This has to be the Maunon.

Taking a deep breath, you push through your cover with your gun raised. “Gun on the ground!” you shout at him. And oh, maybe you should have just shot him, because now he’s pointing his gun at you.

“I’d think twice about that Missy,” he sneers. “You saw what this could do to your savage friend from a hundred yards away. It’s a tad more destructive from up close.”

It’s like one of those standoffs in those old Western movies you used to watch with Wells. Guns both aimed at the other – you can practically hear the music in your head. However, you have more pressing concerns at the moment, like, “How are you breathing right now?”

He smirks, and you want to punch him. “Not all of your friends are as willing to powwow with the savages as you are, Miss Griffin. Got a handy little donation, and now I’m a free man.”

Trikru blood isn’t enough to allow the Maunon to walk in the open air unprotected. What makes you and the others from the sky different from the Maunon, to give them such freedom? Maybe your mom will know if it has something to do with living in space or not. For the moment, you tighten your grip on your pistol and glare at the smug man. “You’re not going to be enjoying it for long.” You should just take the shot. Pull the trigger. He’s obviously willing to be in this showdown, and you should take advantage of that and just shoot the guy. You’ve ordered and facilitated deaths before, this should be no different.

Then Lexa appears behind the man, stalking forward with her dagger out – the one she’d been wielding before you met her again. She doesn’t make a sound, so it must be you that gives her away, because the Maunon whirls around to aim at her. “Not another step, Commander,” he warns, rifle pointed straight at her chest. “I have a message for you, Griffin. From President Cage. You’ve chosen the wrong side – this savage and her people.”

“She is my people.” There isn’t another decision to be made. No orders, no repercussions, no thinking. Just a man with a gun pointed at your wife’s heart, and you pulling the trigger. He falls before the echoes of your pistol stop reverberating around the clearing.

Lexa is by your side in an instant, dagger sheathed and hands on your cheeks. “Yu laik kei, Clarke?” she asks frantically.

You nod, swallowing hard and leaning into your wife’s comforting embrace, hiding your eyes from the body on the ground. “He – I’m okay,” you decide. It’ll probably hit you later – you just killed someone – but for now, you can push it to the back of your mind and focus on other things. “The village –”

“The people are what matter. They will rebuild,” Lexa says confidently. “Because of you, they will have a chance to rebuild. Now come, we must find Gustus and inform Indra that the danger is past. Then, I wish to be with Anya.”

* * *

After the people of Ton DC have been settled in a nearby clearing a mile from the burned out site of the village – just in case the Mountain gets any ideas of sending another missile to those coordinates – you and Lexa leave Indra and Gustus in charge of the villagers and ride out with Ryder to the Ark to check on Anya. You find Raven pacing just inside the gate and looking worried.

“Anya?” Lexa asks a bit desperately.

Raven grimaces. “In surgery. Abby said it hit her spleen, and it has to be taken out, but as long as the surgery goes well and the wound doesn’t get infected, she should recover. Where’s the bastard who did this?” she growls.

Lexa marches in the direction you point in, needing to see her general for herself while you stay back to explain what happened to your best friend. “He’s dead. Shot. We got to the village in time and got everyone evacuated, but the Mountain had a sniper posted, probably to take out me and Lexa in the event we survived. Anya pushed Lexa out of the way.”

“Stupid asshole,” Raven chokes out. “When she wakes up, I’m gonna kick her ass. You tell her that from me.”

“Why not tell her yourself?”

“Because she’s hurt. And I don’t want to see that. But listen, I was thinking. With Bellamy being a dick, we need a new plan on the Mountain. A new inside man.”

What is she getting at? “You don’t mean…”

“I’ve worked it out. The acid fog? They’ve got to be keeping it in vats that aerosolize. Neutralize it with the right base and it’ll be useless. Power keeping the ventilation and decontamination systems running to keep the radiation from getting to the population? Coming from the dam. We can do this, Clarke,” Raven finishes, sounding sure.

You can see her pride. “They have guns and missiles,” you point out.

Raven shrugs, nonchalant. “But if we blow up the dam, maybe not the manpower to use them.”

“You know what we’re saying right?”

“Yeah,” Raven finally sobers. “If it comes to it, an entire population of people.”

“Just so we’re on the same page.” You sigh. “Forget you kicking Anya’s ass – Anya’s going to kill me when she finds out I let you do this.”

“Good thing I’m not asking.”

You run through the possibilities in your head, trying to think of all the outcomes. “You’re going to have to be even more careful than Bellamy. They’ll be waiting for us to try something like this. I should send someone with you, to watch your back.”

Raven immediately shakes her head. “They’ll only slow me down. I’ll need help getting into the Mountain, but after that, they’ll cramp my style. I’m on my own.”

Gods help you. “Fine. I’ll speak with Lexa when she’s done visiting Anya. We’ll figure out the specifics and brief you tomorrow. Spend some time with Anya tonight.”

“Couldn’t keep me away, Princess.” Raven smirks, and you shake your head, exasperated. She’s either going to save you all, or be the cause of your early demise – just through stress alone.


	19. Remind Us of the Shortness of Our Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The countdown to the Battle of Mount Weather begins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels like forever since I posted. The last few months have not been the greatest of my life - battling some emotional issues and some trying times, but I've recently started a new job that's given me structure back and I managed to churn this chapter out in a couple weeks once I was mentally able to write again. So here it is, enjoy!

“What do you mean, ‘Raven is inside the Mountain’?” Anya asks tightly from her clinic bed, making you wince. You don’t know why Lexa couldn’t be the one to tell her the news – they’re the past-best friends now Commander-General power duo – but _no_ , Lexa didn’t want to go anywhere near the downed Ark so you got the privilege of informing Anya of Raven’s decision.

“She volunteered?” you offer weakly.

Anya growls, tossing her head back onto her flat pillow. “If I did not think your mother would strap me to this bed if I moved, I would put _you_ in the hospital,” she threatens.

“Hey,” you protest, “you do know it’s Raven, right? Nobody can exactly stop her once she’s made up her mind about something.” You’re lucky you managed to send Ryder along with her. He had returned the night before, confirming Raven’s successful entrance into the mountain through the Reaper tunnels. Raven took the noisemaker Indra removed from Emerson’s person when he’d been captured and found it was useful in keeping Reapers subdued. Handy. She’s due to make contact tonight, assuming she finds a safe place to set up base.

Anya glares at you, but then slouches in defeat. “Yes, I know this,” she mutters.

You heave a silent sigh of relief, glad to have escaped Anya’s ire for the moment. “Look, I’m sorry,” you offer. “But Raven’s our best shot of ending this soon. Or at all. She’s still the smartest person I’ve ever met, and that’s without remembering all that super secret astrophysics-mechanical engineering shit she knew last time 'round. We’re still looking for a way to save the innocents, but worst comes to worst, she’ll blow the top off the Mountain and have done with it. She’s still Raven ‘I can make it go boom’ Reyes.”

That pulls a grin from Anya’s dour face. “When do you believe she will remember?”

“Impossible to guess.” You shrug. “Everyone’s been so different. I remembered spontaneously and had to prod Lexa into it. I think you remembered half because you were so damn annoyed with me. Octavia remembered because she was so afraid for Lincoln. Stress seems to be a common denominator – but again, everyone is different. You’re just going to have to keep trying. Raven’s already smitten. It isn’t going to take much more, I wouldn’t think.”

* * *

“Clarke, come in.” The hushed voice comes over the radio just as you and Lexa are retiring to her tent for the night.

You snatch the radio from your belt. “Raven! Are you safe?”

“If I wasn’t, Princess, I definitely wouldn’t be calling you,” Raven drawls. “I’ve actually had some pretty good luck so far. Got through all the nasty cannibals with that noisemaker no problem, and practically tripped into the lab where they keep the vats of acid waiting to be aerosolized. Didn’t take much digging around to find enough sodium hydroxide to neutralize it enough for the fog to be harmless. Best thing – I jerry-rigged the computers to read at a steady pH of 3.5. Those scientists won’t know I did a thing,” she brags.

“Nice work, Raven.” You shoot a smile over at Lexa, who nods, looking pleased.

“There is one piece of bad news.”

Your heart drops. Of course nothing could just go right the whole time. “What?” you ask cautiously.

“Anya’s second? Tris? She is here.”

All of your muscles tense in the same instant. Your hand clenches around the radio, and you have to force yourself to not throw it across the tent. Lexa grabs your wrist just in case, and you look up into her pained eyes. “Fuck,” is all you finally respond with.

“Yeah,” Raven admits. “That containment room where they’re keeping all the Trikru – inhumane, by the way, and disgusting – that’s the first place you come in when you enter through the Reaper tunnels.”

“Yeah, that’s how Anya and I escaped.”

“Right. Well, Tris is there. They’ve got her locked up with everyone else. It’s not all bad though. Either they have qualms about murdering a kid in cold blood, or Bellamy told them about her being important. They’re using her to keep the few Trikru strong enough to be combative in line. Threaten her with a gun, and they all quiet down real fast. Guess Anya really is a big deal, huh?”

Lexa pulls the radio out of your hand. “After myself, Anya is the leader of all of our _gona_. To be her _sekon_ is a great honor, Raivon. Tris is known amongst my people as a skilled warrior already, but she is also still a _yongon_. My _kru_ will do what they can to keep her safe.”

You take the radio back. “But even if they haven’t harmed her yet, it’s still only a matter of time. For all of them, both Trikru and Skaikru. Please tell me you have a way to get the doors open Raven.”

“I need to find access to a computer hooked into the mainframe still,” Raven explains. “The ones in the lab are all on a separate network, probably as a failsafe. I’ll be able to hack it, but it’d be easier if I had Monty. He was always better at computers. But just by a hair!”

“Find out if it would be possible to sneak him out of wherever they’re keeping the kids these days,” you allow. “But do not do it if there is any chance of you being caught. I’m serious, Raven. You’re too important to die in that Mountain.”

There’s a long pause before Raven finally answers. “I hear ya, Griffin. I don’t like it, but I got it. I’ll see what I can do. I’m bunkered down in a store room for the night. I’m gonna get some sleep and see what’s up tomorrow. We have to move fast now – before they realize anything’s up. We’re talking a couple of days here, Commander.”

“We will be ready, Raivon,” Lexa affirms. “The last of the _gona_ from the outer clans arrived this afternoon. We will move at your signal.”

“You’ll hear it. Well that’s me over and out then. Night guys.”

“Be safe, Raven.” You turn off the radio and slump into Lexa’s chest, allowing the tears that have been burning your eyes to fall. “What if they kill Tris? What will we do, Lexa? I can’t lose her again, especially not before she’s had the chance to remember us and Aiden.”

Lexa shushes you gently, wrapping her arms around your shoulders so you can sneak your nose against her neck. “Do not underestimate our daughter, Clarke. Tris is strong and courageous; she will not allow herself to be torn down by the _Maunon_ heathens.”

You sniff, trying to pull yourself together. “Don’t play that game with me – acting all tough, but I see right through you. You are just as worried about Tris as I am.”

Your wife lets out a soft laugh. “I am,” she admits. “But I also believe what I said. Raven’s plan is working. Once she has access to the power grid, we can take our armies inside and do away with the _kripas_ once and for all. Our people will be safe. _Tris_ will be safe.” Lexa takes your hands in each of hers and moves a step away, going down on both knees. “I swear to you, Clarke. On the vows I made to you the day we were wed, I swear that Tris will leave the mountain unharmed. I will return her to you.”

The logical part of your brain is telling you there’s no way Lexa can actually promise you that, but you desperately want to believe her anyway. It’s hard not to believe the earnestness in her eyes. “Careful. I might hold you to that.”

“I would expect you to.” Lexa gets back to her feet, stepping close to you again.

You press your forehead to hers, closing you eyes and breathing her in. “I love you more today than I did –”

“– and I’ll love you more tomorrow than I do,” Lexa finishes before pressing her lips to yours.

* * *

“Heda! _Flashen de (The signal)!_ ” The jubilant cry from a scout precedes the sound of an explosion, interrupting yet another strategy meeting between yourself and Lexa. You shoot a look at your wife, who nods back solemnly. The time for planning is over. The assault on the Mountain will begin tonight.

It’s been three days since Raven’s first contact, and since then she has managed to kidnap Monty away from the rest of the Skaikru with no one the wiser – you didn’t even ask how in the hell she managed to pull that one off. Monty, wary of the Mountain Men before you had escaped, took one look at all the captured Trikru and set to work with Raven. They’ve been carefully setting up backdoor access to the computer mainframe powering all of the Mountain’s systems over the last couple of days, and must have just finished.

If everything has gone to plan, you will have a couple choices in how you want to neutralize the threat of Mount Weather for good. Raven will have the ability to shut down all power at once in the Mountain and open the corridors to the outside air. One team will be trekking to the dam with explosives Raven left behind to set at the base of the towers there. Getting rid of the dam will cut off power but leave the Mountain sealed, giving the _Maunon_ time to surrender before the toxic atmosphere seeps in and kills them.

Blowing up the dam is the outcome you would prefer. It would give you the opportunity to reach those in the Mountain that are innocent – the children, and such – and contain them safely before they die from radiation poisoning. You don’t want the blood of children on your hands.

Lexa has agreed with you on your approach of the battle, but you know she has far fewer qualms about the possibility of everyone in the Mountain dying than you do. Even the children have received blood from her people, making them guilty by association in Lexa’s eyes. You know that even if you wanted to, your wife would never hear of any of the adults being given a second chance at life. She’s willing to consider the children should she need to, but you know that all she can guarantee you right now is that if it comes down to it, at the very least their deaths will be quick and painless. The same could not be said for their parents.

Lexa sweeps out of the war tent with you a step behind her. “ _Ai kru!_ ” she yells to the gathered warriors. “ _Oso hit choda op nat; oso don hod op feva (We come together tonight; we have waited long enough)! Oso gonplei nou ste odon kos oso gonplei don jus stat au (Our fight is not over because our fight has only just begun)! Kom wor!_ ”

“Heda! Heda! Heda!” Her army shouts and chants its approval – shouting praise for their Heda, who will lead them into battle. Your wife is a sight to behold, in her element as she is. Lexa is fully decked out in battle gear – lightweight leather armor that allows maximum movement. Her gloves and bracers with someone else’s bones decorating them laced on. You sort of lost count, but Lexa has to have at least four knives strapped to her person in various places, along with her double swords sheathed across her back. Her war paint streaks down her face.

You’re even dressed for war. Lexa had commissioned armor to be provided to you and assisted you in dressing yourself this afternoon. A knife is in a strap around your thigh, your pistol in its holster at your waist. You’ve got a sword too, which you’ll use once you run out of bullets.

And yet you don’t feel anywhere near ready for a full blown battle. You could go over the strategy until you’re blue in the face, and it wouldn’t help you feel more prepared. Anya, newly recovered from her injury enough to participate, according to her anyway, will lead a team to line the dam and surrounding power station with explosives. Lexa and you will lead the majority of her army to the gates that Raven should be able to open. Gustus will hold a third of the warriors in reserve should reinforcements be needed. It is a simple, straightforward plan, but you don’t feel ready as you march beside Lexa toward Mount Weather.

A hand quickly grabs your own and squeezes it before letting go. You glance over at your wife, who gives you a reassuring nod that is as close to a smile as she can give you in front of her people. “Klark – when we reach the Mountain, you are to stay by Linkon and Okteivia. He has orders to protect you, and Okteivia is the superior _gona_ to you.”

You glare at her, hating that she has to take special care of you in this world – that you can’t keep up with her anymore. “I’ve been learning to fight just as long as Octavia,” you say through clenched teeth. “I fought that fucking mutant gorilla with you.”

“ _Sha_ , but she has had opportunities to practice against trained _gona_ that you have not,” Lexa points out. “You were stolen from me for several days already, and as leader of the Skaikru, it was necessary for you to spend more time on diplomacy and strategy than Okteivia. _Yu laik uf, Klark_ , but please – allow me to protect you the only way that I can tonight.”

Her words force a sigh from you, and you concede with a silent nod. It is impossible to deny your wife's pleading eyes, and you see them light up with relief in the wake of your reluctant agreement. You’ll do anything to keep that light in her eyes, even if it will sometimes grate against your more independent nature.

So off to battle you go, leading an army on a ground you never thought you’d see in your lifetime but remember so well from your last.


	20. Two Saddened Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ READ READ:
> 
> Okay y'all. When you get to the part of the chapter you've all been dreading since I started writing this story, keep reading. I promise it's not what you think. Give me the benefit of the doubt. Alright that's it.
> 
> Oh, and there's violence in this chapter.

This battle … could be going better, if you’re honest. The explosive that Raven had sworn up and down would do the job quite easily barely made even a dent in the doors to the mountain. And the only action you’ve seen was when Lincoln bodily lifted you into the air with one arm and practically threw you behind a boulder when guns starting shooting after the bomb try (really, you aren’t _that_ small). Now, a few of Lexa’s warriors have fallen, everyone else has retreated to the tree line, Lexa for some reason is nowhere to be seen, and you have no idea what to try next.

The _gona_ have taken cover until new orders come, but you don’t know what to tell them. Lexa was supposed to be the one in charge in the heat of the battle. You don’t have a half bad mind for strategy – you’ve discovered this since being on the ground, and you thank and miss Wells every day for his insistence on all those chess games – but these battle time decisions require far more experience and instinct than you have. You need Lexa back here.

And there she is, walking toward you now, a grim look on her face. You don’t recognize the man striding next to her, but he – no. His clothes aren’t right. What’s a Mountain Man doing out in the open without a suit?

You’re still trying to puzzle it out when Lexa speaks. “ _Gustus, teik oso rowenes laud (sound the retreat)_ ,” she orders.

“What is this?” you ask, praying it’s not what you think it is.

Lexa just meets your gaze steadily. “What I swore. My people will be safe.” There’s an emphasis on the word ‘swore’, but you don’t understand. What is Lexa doing? A haggard-looking, half-starved mob of grounders begin silently streaming out of the mountain through the doors that you failed to open earlier. The Mountain Man smirks at you and goes back inside.

Dread bubbles up in the pit of your stomach. “And what about _my_ people?” you snap. Tears well in your eyes but you force them down, refusing to show weakness. How could Lexa do this to you?

“This is what I swore,” Lexa just repeats.

You shake your head, not getting it. “Everything we planned – what will happen to us? You’re just going to let them kill us?” You can see the pain in Lexa’s eyes – even as her face remains stoic – the emotions begging you to understand, and you know she doesn’t want to leave you. But then why won’t she just _stay_? You have the superior army, you could win this. You could get all of your people back. You’re trying to come up with a reason why Lexa would agree to betray you, even if it is for the good of her people, and you’re coming up empty. “Please,” you beg.

“More today than yesterday, and even more tomorrow,” she says mysteriously. “I’m sorry, Clarke.” With that, Lexa turns and walks quickly away, her army trudging after her. She takes one last glance over her shoulder, and you swear you can see a tear in her eye, but then she melts into the forest, and the Trikru are gone. You’re left with a closed door, no army, no wife, and no plan. You slump to the ground.

* * *

“Get up, you _branwada_.” Anya’s gruff voice breaks you out of your misery. Suddenly fuming, you scramble to your feet and take a wild swing at the warrior. She merely scoffs and knocks it aside with ease. “Are you going to mope for the rest of the night, Clarke? Or are we going to take down this mountain?”

“Didn’t you get the message?” you snarl back. “Or are you just blind? Your army left. _Lexa_ left.”

“You really are stupid sometimes. Why did she leave?”

You roll your eyes. “Real mature, Anya, adding insult to injury.”

Anya glares right back at you. “Why did Lexa leave?”

“The reason really doesn’t matter, now does it? She’s gone!”

“Why. Did. She. Leave?” Anya practically growls.

“She said to get her people, alright?! To free all of her people, she traded betraying me and the Skaikru. She –” you stop, furrowing your brow. “All of her people.”

‘ _More today than yesterday, and even more tomorrow.’_ Lexa’s vow. The realization dawns on you, and something not far off from giddiness surges through you.

A hand claps you sharply on the back, making you wince. “And the _thompa_ finally drops,” Anya says, sarcastic. “Lexa gave you more credit, but I thought it’d take you longer, honestly.”

“She got Tris,” you say dumbly.

“Yes.”

“Tris is safe.” You can’t stop the wide grin from spreading across your face, and you don’t want to.

“Yes she is, dumbass, and Lexa sent me and Lincoln back to bring down this mountain once and for all, so if you’re done sulking, Lincoln is collecting Octavia and then we’re finding Raven.”

Just like that, it’s back to business. “Right. When we hit the detonator, the doors didn’t blow – we’re not sure why. Until we can figure that out, we’re kind of stuck out here. Raven’s going to have to do something from the inside. If I know her, she already is. So we just have to wait her out and try not to be sitting ducks in the meantime because I’m sure the Maunon are still watching us.”

“Laughing their asses off more like,” Octavia’s angry voice cuts in, and you watch her come storming up the path, Lincoln following wearily behind, looking a mite haggard. “What the fuck is going on, Clarke? Why did Indra practically disown me as her second and pull all the warriors back? Where the hell is the Commander? And why aren’t you pissed off at your wife?”

“Spirits save me from _nomonjoken_ Skaikru questions,” Anya mutters under her breath.

“Wife?” Lincoln asks no one in particular.

You ignore both of them and focus on the younger girl who’s taken Anya’s place in most angry glare directed at you tonight. “She had her reasons, O,” you sigh. “I _was_ pissed off, but Lexa really did have a good reason. And it happens to be a very good one, so I’m inclined to let it slide.”

“Mind sharing with the class then?” Octavia spits. “Because nothing’s coming to mind.”

Well, you don’t really have anything else to do until Raven does something explosive, so you might as well explain better. “Remember the little fact that our _daughter_ was locked up in a cage in there?” Octavia’s suddenly stricken face at the reminder tells you she had, in fact, forgotten. “That’s alright – I forgot too, for a moment. But if you have anything else to say against Lexa’s choices, keep them to yourself. Lexa chose our daughter over me and the Skaikru, and I would have made the exact same decision. No matter the consequences.”

Anything else you or Octavia might have said is cut off by a massive explosion that sends all four of you tumbling to the ground. Hissing over the various scrapes and cuts you are now sporting, you glance over at where the doors sealing the mountain shut used to hang. Except now they’re missing and instead, there’s a massive hole in the side of the cliff.

“Ah, _fuck_!”

You’d know that voice anywhere, and so does Anya. The general scrambles to her feet in the most graceless move you’ve ever seen from her and rushes toward the mountain. “ _Linkon, sis au (help me)_!” Lincoln helps Anya move some rubble off of a very dusty and pained looking Raven. When they pull her off the ground, you can see that her left leg is bent at an odd angle, obviously broken. You wince in sympathy.

“You know,” Raven pants, “I expected to be greeted by quite a few more people when I opened that door. Where is everyone?”

“That’s a long story,” you delay. “That leg needs to be set and bound or you’re not getting off this mountain anytime soon.”

Raven hisses through clenched teeth as Anya sets her down as gently as she can before tugging off and rolling up her tunic to keep her lover’s head out of the dirt. “By all means, mini Doctor Griffin. Frankenstein away.”

You feel around the fracture, grateful that the bone hadn’t displaced so far as to break through the skin. “Lincoln, Octavia, I need two thick branches the length of Raven’s leg and cloths to bind them with,” you order. The pair rush off to find what you need. “Anya, keep her from moving too much. Raven, try not to bite your tongue.” Anya wraps an arm around Raven’s chest. “Okay, on three Rae.”

“Oh, don’t bother counting. You’re just going to do it on two anyway,” Raven accuses. Without any other warning, you shift her broken tibia back into position, making Raven scream. Her body tries to rise off the ground, but Anya holds her in place, running a soothing thumb along her jawline. “Holy fuck! What the hell was that Clarke?!”

“I know, I know,” you apologize, working quickly with the sticks you find next to you – Lincoln and Octavia are like ninjas sometimes – to bind her leg and keep it still. “I don’t have any meds, so you’re going to have to wait for pain relief until we get out of here.”

Raven groans. “I’ll manage. Just help me up.” Anya assists her into a sitting position, and Raven looks around, noting again the absence of any army whatsoever. “Okay, so does someone mind telling me what the fuck is going on now? Where the hell is everyone?”

You stare at her for a moment before turning to Anya. “This one’s on you.”

Anya quickly scoops Raven up in her arms and carries her a little ways away for privacy. You’re too far away to hear what’s said, but you watch Raven’s face morph from confusion to scorn to disbelief to shock before she stiffens. When Raven throws her arms around Anya’s neck, still held tightly in the warrior’s grasp, you know she’s remembered.

Octavia interrupts the happy reunion. To be fair, she does give them a few minutes before she interrupts. “Okay, cool we all remember and shit can we go blow the mountain now?” she growls.

“What has everyone remembered?” Lincoln asks, looking so confused you feel sorry for the warrior-healer.

You pat his arm sympathetically. “Give it time big guy. It’ll come to you.” That won’t answer any questions for him, but Octavia can deal with it later. She has a point about the mountain. It needs to fall sooner rather than later, so you can get back to your wife and daughter and meet your son.

Raven hops over to you, broken leg dangling uselessly and one arm thrown over Anya’s shoulders for support. “Your wife is a dick,” she says without preamble before yanking you into a tight hug with her one free arm. “I missed you,” she whispers.

Your arms wrap around her torso, holding your best friend close. “Missed you too, Rae.”

The two of you get a minute of peace, then Raven pulls back. “Alright, not that I don’t appreciate Lexa’s reasons for retreating – and they’re good reasons – but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re royally screwed Princess. What do we do now?”

Ah, trust Raven to be blunt. “Plan B?” you hazard a guess.

Octavia scoffs. “We’re so far off plan – like another planet of plan. More like Plan F, at this point.”

“Plan F, then,” you agree. “Well, easy decision: Raven can’t go back in.”

“Like hell I can’t,” Raven immediately protests. “I’m not letting you guys go alone; you’ll never make it without me.”

“You are not going in,” Anya says harshly.

Raven looks like she’s gearing up for a fight with her wife so you cut in. “You did your job, Rae. You gave us an opening,” you try to soothe her before going in for the kill. “But with that leg of yours, you are going nowhere fast and with just four of us now, we have to move quick. You’ll just slow us down.”

Anya shoots you a grateful look when Raven slumps in defeat. “Fine,” the mechanic agrees reluctantly. “I’ll just wait out here then – the unmoving target.”

You roll your eyes, pulling your pistol out of its holster and handing it over. “Here, I’ll take another once we get inside. Keep yourself hidden, but keep an eye out too. At least one man has received a dose of something that lets them walk outside without their suits on. Make sure no one escapes.”

“You got it, Princess.”

“And what are we going to do, Clarke?” Octavia demands.

“We could send someone to the Ark for help?” Raven suggests with a shrug.

You shake your head. “That will take too long. Even for Anya and Lincoln, that’s got to be at _least_ a couple hours trip even if they can run the whole way there. No, it’s on us.” You and Lexa had discussed what the Arkkru’s role would be in this battle, and while Lexa understood the need to work with them in some capacity, she hadn’t trusted them enough at her back to allow them to fight tonight. So they were relegated to covering any possible retreat and helping with any wounded that might turn up. “Okay, here’s Plan F. O, you are going to find the Skaikru. Get them out if you can. Lincoln, can you handle any Reapers? I don’t want them at our backs while we fight the Maunon in front of us.” Both warriors nod their agreement. “Raven, what happened to Monty?”

“He’s barricaded in a control room on Level One,” Raven answers. “He cut power to the locks and was working on something, but the scumbags could break in if they tried hard enough. And I think they moved the rest of the kids to Level Three.”

“Alright, then. Anya, you and I are going to make our way to Monty. With only four of us, I don’t see us managing to fight our way through. We’re going to have to find a way to vent the outside air in, and hope not too many of the Maunon have received their magic cure yet. With Raven out of commission, we’ll need Monty’s brains to do that.”

Anya’s eyes have the gleam of a predator and she bounces on the balls of her feet, itching for the upcoming battle to begin. “As long as my sword sees the blood of my enemies, I will follow you.”

The blown out entrance to Mount Weather is a foreboding sight, with the threat of the unknown hanging over your posse. Dread washes over you as your group of four walk down the leading hallway – somehow, you feel as if something terrible is coming. With your miniscule army, the chances of you losing a person you care about has risen terrifyingly high. Either that, or you have a good chance of committing genocide. Or both.

Lincoln splits off fairly quickly, strong grip on Raven’s homemade Reaper repellant noisemaker which hadn’t left his person since Raven made it, worried about turning into a monster again. With it, it should be fairly simple for him to neutralize the Reapers.

When you reach the first set of stairs, you direct Octavia to take them up with a silent gesture. She gives you a salute and creeps through the door, sword at the ready. For her sake, you hope she doesn’t run into Bellamy wandering the halls. His betrayal has devastated her – the brother who raised her and looked after her all her life turning against everything she believed was right. If he is taken alive, their confrontation is sure to be explosive.

You and Anya continue on, alone now. You have your sword at the ready. Anya has her two, and it is obvious where Lexa’s weapons preference is from. The thought makes you smile, and earns you an odd glance from Anya. You shake your head and focus back on your mission.

As you turn a corner, Anya grabs the back of your shirt and hauls you back. You want to ask what the problem is, but you keep your mouth shut. Being heard will get you killed. For good measure, Anya holds a finger up to her lips and you roll your eyes. Two fingers now – two men, you figure. The warrior peeks around the edge of the wall, and motions for you to stay put and to keep watch back the way you came. You reluctantly nod your understanding and wave her on.

The fight takes less than thirty seconds and is soundless. Your only indication that anything had happened was twin thumps of bodies sliding to the ground. You peer around the corner and Anya gestures for you to join her, tugging a pistol free from one guard’s hand and giving it to you with a look of distaste.

Anya gets the pleasure of killing six more guards on your way to Monty, movements so quietly effortless that no alarm is ever raised. It isn’t until you reach the corridor that Monty must be holed up in that you run into trouble in the shape of ten guards and Dante, just breaking through a door with sledgehammers. Ditching stealth mode, you immediately fire into the crowd with your scavenged handgun, bringing down three before Anya hurls herself into the mass with glee.

Dante darts into the newly opened room, and you’re quick to follow, checking how many bullets you have left. Two – not great, but enough to kill the people you’re after the most. The father/son pair who are responsible for decades of mass murder. When you get inside the control room, you see Dante approaching Monty, apparently trying to reason him back over to his side. “Not another step, Dante,” you warn, taking the safety off.

The old man raises his hands in the air at the click of your gun. “I am impressed, Miss Griffin,” he says calmly. “Storming the castle with only four others after the Commander abandoned you. Quite a foolishly brave thing to do.”

“Back away from Monty,” you order, ignoring his words. Dante obliges, moving to stand by the far wall. You take his place by your friend, reaching out a hand for his arm in hopes of reassuring him. Monty grips your forearm, giving it a thankful squeeze. “You have a radio?” you ask him.

“Yeah, Raven stole one and gave it to me.” Monty hands it over. “They’re using channel five.”

Bless that boy – always being helpful. “Cage, come in.” The sounds of fighting die down in the hallway, and Anya appears a minute later, covered in blood that you hope isn’t hers. She looks alright, at the very least. “Cage, this is Clarke Griffin kom Skaikru. If you want to see your father again, you _will_ answer me.”

You’re starting to think that there won’t be an answer when a slimy tone crackles through the radio. “I know who it is. You’ve gone full savage Blondie. ‘ _Kom Skaikru’_? Really?”

“Let the rest of the hundred go, unharmed, and I’ll think about letting you live.”

Cage has the gall to laugh at you. “You and what army, Clarke Griffin? I made an offer your Commander couldn’t refuse. And when I’m finished draining your precious _Skaikru_ of every resource their bodies have to give, I will show her what true power looks like.”

It takes all your willpower to keep yourself from screaming incoherently into the radio. He will never touch Lexa – you will make sure of it. But you still would like to get out of this without committing genocide, if possible. “You are quickly running out of chances, Cage, and I, patience,” you snarl. “Let my people go, or the first of your people to die will be your father.”

“Like he’s even anywhere near you,” he scoffs.

You stalk over to where Dante still stands and thrust the radio in his face. “Talk,” you demand.

Dante gives you a long look, as if measuring your resolve, before he slowly speaks. “Stay the course, Cage.”

Growling, you go back to Monty. Anya stands guard at the doorway, one eye on Dante and one on the hall outside, ready for anything. “Last chance, Cage.”

There’s a pause. “I’ll kill them all, Father,” Cage promises.

You cut off anything else he might say. “Remember – you did this.” You bring your gun up and aim for the heart. Two months ago, you had never held a gun in your life. Now, your aim is perfect, your hand does not tremble, and you pull the trigger without hesitation. The intense sound of the gun going off in the small room shocks you more than the blood you see spouting from Dante’s chest. You’ll have to think about what that says about who you are now, but later.

The radio is silent.

“He’ll be sending soldiers after us,” you warn Anya. “Monty, can you program the filters to vent air inside rather than out? Change from negative pressure to positive?”

“Yeah? But that would –” Monty trails off.

“I know what it would do!” you snap. “Can you do it?”

Monty bites his lip but nods firmly a moment later. “I can do it.” He sits down at a computer and begins working, his fingers flying over the keyboard.

“Estimate?”

“Three minutes?”

“Anya, we need to barricade the door with something,” you instruct. Anya manhandles a large bookcase from one side of the room to the other, and you help her place it against the doorway. You leave her stacking lighter things in front of it and pick up the radio again. “Cage, if you don’t stand down and let my people leave, I will irradiate the mountain. You can keep the number of citizens you lose to a minimum.” There’s only silence on the other end. “Cage, be reasonable!”

The radio crackles, then Cage speaks – but not to you. “Grab five of the kids; bring them here,” he orders someone else. “You’re going to listen, Blondie, while I steal life from their bones,” he then tells you smugly.

You release the speaker button. “Monty how much longer?”

“I need a minute!”

A loud pounding cuts off your first response. “You may not have one. Hurry up. Anya can you hold them off?”

“For as long as necessary,” Anya promises grimly.

The absence of keystrokes half a minute later makes you turn around. “Why did you stop?” you demand.

“It’s ready,” Monty replies, voice quiet. “Pull that lever,” he gestures toward the correct one, “and it will let the air in. It’ll be over.”

A lever. Why does it have to be a lever – all dramatic and such? A button would work just as well, but fine. Lever it is. You put your hand on it, only just noticing that it’s trembling. If you were truly seventeen years old and not fighting to get back to your wife and kids, you aren’t sure you would be able to do this. To have the fate of this many lives in your hands. Bringing down every last person in the mountain was always the final option and had a good probability of being necessary, but you never actually thought you would be doing it alone.

“Clarke, they are breaking through!” Anya yells, pressing her body against the bookcase. Monty rushes over to help her.

Taking a deep breath, you pull the lever down with no further hesitation and turn your eyes to the security cameras. Lights flash and emergency sirens sound, warning of the toxicity of the air. You watch Cage run from the laboratory when his people start to stumble, choking. Oddly enough, he seems unaffected. The pounding outside your barricade slowly peters to a halt as screams ring out. Anya carefully pulls the shattered bookcase out of the way, revealing several men slumped on the ground, skin covered in burns. The wounds remind you of the time in your past life when a semi collided with a bus full of school children and both vehicles caught fire, resulting in dozens of burn victims staying at your hospital. The only injuries that ever bothered you as a nurse were burns. It’s the smell. You never forget that smell.

One by one, the inhabitants of Mount Weather fall where they stand. If it weren’t for the fact that you don’t know if Octavia, Lincoln, or Raven are still alive, you would say this victory was too easy. “Let’s find the others. They may need help.”

* * *

Lincoln and Octavia are enthusiastically embracing when you, Anya, and Monty find them. “Tavia, Tavia, Tavia,” Lincoln murmurs repeatedly, pressing kisses all over Octavia’s face and head. Safe to say something probably made Lincoln remember, then. Cage lies dead nearby, body free of burns but head twisted at an odd angle, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened to make Lincoln remember.

Anya clears her throat pointedly, and the pair breaks apart. “The Skaikru?” she asks.

“Safe,” Octavia reports. “They only had two armed guards. If they’d been able to find weapons, they could have taken them out on their own. Jasper’s hurt – they used his marrow on Cage and a couple others – but he should recover. Abby will want to take a look at him. The rest of the kids are ready to go home.”

You nod. “We’ll drop everyone off at the Ark. I’m sure they want to see their parents.”

“Fewer than you think,” Octavia contradicts you. “Yeah, some will be pissed that the Commander left, but I’ll tell them that she had no choice and sent Anya and Lincoln back to help out. That should cool some tempers. And some want to go back to living with their parents, but you know a lot of them lost at least one parent to floating. Or didn’t get along with them before they were arrested. I’d guess close to sixty of them just want to go back to the Trikru.”

“Places will be prepared for them,” Anya vows. “Skaikru are welcome amongst the Trikru, and in light of Heda’s betrayal, we will build homes for Skaikru alongside our own as we rebuild Ton DC.”

“They’ll like that,” you smile and agree. Exhaustion settles into your bones as you finally relax. You push the image of badly burned corpses to the back of your mind, to be dealt with at a later date. Right now, all you want to do is see your wife and kids. You just have to catch up with them first. “Let’s gather everyone up, pick up Raven and head out. There’s nothing left for us here.”

* * *

Raven has a surprise for you when you all reach the surface. You sigh at the sight of Bellamy, leg bleeding and mouth spitting curses as Raven keeps watch on him, gun handy. “Lincoln, got any bandages?”

“Yes, Clarke.” He quickly wraps up Bellamy’s leg while the boy glares at him. Lincoln pulls him upright just for Octavia to storm up and sock her brother a good one on the mouth. Bellamy goes down again in a heap.

“You complete bastard,” she spits at him. “Lincoln almost died because of you! We _all_ almost died because of you!” She looks ready to hit him again, but Lincoln stops her with a gentle hand on her bicep. Octavia gives her man a curt nod, still glaring at Bellamy. “Rot in hell.” She stomps off, leading the Skaikru down the mountain.

“Well. That was exciting,” Raven murmurs under her breath from where she’s still sitting against a tree trunk, making you choke on laughter.

“Nicely done, Rae,” you compliment, gesturing at the gun.

Raven shrugs. “Eh. Figured I needed to be useful somehow. Plus it was satisfying.”

Anya and Lincoln are the only ones still nearby. “How are you?” Anya asks her lover anxiously.

“I’ll be better when I get some pain meds at the Ark. And that’s all the complaining you’ll get out of me,” Raven says.

“Anya, can you tie Bellamy’s hands with something?” you request. “We don’t want him getting any ideas. And Lincoln, make sure Raven’s leg is stable enough for travel. We didn’t see broken limbs very often up in space. Not sure I did it right.”

Both Grounders set about their tasks. “It is good to meet you again, Raven,” Lincoln says quietly.

Raven gives him a shrewd look. “You remember. Good. I mean I guess it would have been fine, since you were already like a puppy around Octavia anyway, but remembering is good.”

You’re glad Bellamy is just out of earshot while they talk. The last thing you need is him overhearing something like that and spouting off about it around others who would question you. Like your mother. But Anya is keeping him far enough way, handling him more roughly than is probably necessary, but you aren’t exactly feeling very generous toward him right now, so you stay quiet on the matter. Lincoln and Anya exchange Skaikru, Anya lifting her wife onto her back and Lincoln motioning for Bellamy to walk where he can see him, the boy’s hands now tied firmly behind his back. The five of you descend the mountain trail as quickly as you can with two injured.

* * *

You catch up with Octavia and the rest of the Skaikru crowd in less than an hour. Given the option to rest for the night and finish the journey in the morning, everyone opts to walk through the night, all of the teenagers either eager to see their parents for the first time in months or to get back to the friends they’ve made in the Trikru. Some questions are asked here and there about where the Commander and the rest of her _gona_ are, but Octavia delays responding, promising to explain once everyone is rested and seen healers that need to. Most seem to find that acceptable, and everyone trudges on.

It’s a long six hours before the Ark comes into view in the hazy dawn, the sun risen only minutes ago. Energized by the thought of food and rest, the teens pick up the pace. You trail behind them as they trickle through the open gates. Guards on top of the wall call out greetings and adults pour out of the Ark, parents searching desperately for their children. There is more than one tearful reunion.

You hang back though, eager for your own reunion. Anya, who went straight to the medbay to drop off Raven with Abby, eventually comes back looking for you. “You are not thinking of leaving now, are you?” she asks.

“I have to. Lexa is probably out there thinking I hate her for what she did. I have to find her. I have to see if Tris remembers anything yet. And I need to meet Aiden.”

“At least wait a day,” Anya urges. “When I feel like I can leave Raven comfortably. Or even take Lincoln,” she suggests.

You shake your head. “The two of you need time with Raven and Octavia. Rae and Lincoln just remembered yesterday, Ahn. You guys need this time with each other, to learn each other again. I know I did with Lexa when she remembered. I can’t take you away from her right now. Maybe just point me in the right direction?”

Anya frowns, entirely unhappy with your plan. “Lexa will kill me if you die on your own out in the wilderness,” she mutters. “I cannot stop you?”

“My mind’s made up.” Anya still doesn’t look pleased. “Come on, Anya,” you cajole. “I just brought down a mountain. I think I can find a big city.”

“ _Branwada_ ,” Anya insults you fondly, finally relenting. “Fine. Polis is due west of Mount Weather. It is four days’ hard ride, but with the injured, Lexa will be moving slower so they can keep up with the warriors. Even with that, I doubt you will be able to catch up with them before they reach Polis. Just follow the sun’s path, and you will find the capital,” she instructs. “But do _not_ stray too far north. Azgeda nation begins at the snow line, and Nia will look for any advantage over Lexa she can find. You will be a prime target, even more so when she learns that you brought down the mountain.”

“Go west, if I see snow get the hell out of dodge, walk at least a week,” you recite dutifully. “Got it. I’ll see you and Raven there, yeah? Tell her bye for me.”

“I will bring Raven as soon as I an convince her to leave,” Anya agrees. She hesitates, then pulls you into a quick, tight hug. “Be careful,” she implores you. “Take this.” She pulls off the little bag that never leaves her belt. “There’s food enough for three days if you ration it. And water. You have your sword still – good. Do not be afraid to use it. And take this.” She hands you a dagger that was hiding in her boot. “If you die out there, I will kill you before Lexa can get to me.”

You laugh as you take her offerings. “Raven ever tell you you worry too much?” Anya scoffs and you have to dance out of the way of a light punch. You two begin to go your separate ways, your roles switched for the time being as you head for the forest and Anya heads for the Ark. A thought occurs to you. “Oh. Anya!” you turn and call. “When my mom asks what happened to me, tell her – I don’t know. Think of something cool. Tell her I love her and I’m sorry.”

“I will tell her that you were urgently required to inform Heda of the fall of the Maunon,” Anya says.

“Better than anything I would have come up with,” you agree. “Bye, Anya. Take care of them for me.”

“I will,” she promises.

With that, you turn your back one last time and begin your journey to catch up with your family.


	21. Hearing Music from the Deepest Forest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those of you who are full time students and have part time or full time jobs as well, my hat's off to you. One class and a full time job is kicking my ass. But here's the next chapter for you.

You are going nearly out of your mind with worry, and it’s killing you that no one can know. Clarke has been missing for almost a month – there has been no sign of her since the Mountain fell. Relationships between the Trikru and Arkkru have suffered, although the Skaikru do treat your people with more warmth than their elders. They did not see your betrayal, and remember only how you ordered your warriors to aid and train them at the beginning and again after the mountain fell. With Octavia and Raven’s support of you, the majority of the remaining sixty or so teens have settled into a partially rebuilt Ton DC and are integrating with the people there nicely, much to the consternation of the adults of the Ark.

But Clarke has disappeared without a trace. You miss your wife desperately. You had thought she would have understood your choice. Anya swore that she defended you to Octavia and the others, and had figured out why you had to betray her. You have a responsibility to your people, and more importantly, to your daughter. Tris was trapped and making the deal assured her safety. Before you’d remembered, you would never have been able to reasonably justify sacrificing potentially hundreds of warriors for the sake of seventy. Your people would not allow it. That is a convenient excuse to give to the Chancellor of the Arkkru, but they’re not buying it. Clarke would be so much help when dealing with Abby, but she has to be found safe for you to even begin to work on that. Abby has even recently begun blaming you for her daughter’s disappearance, and Kane is having a hard time keeping her in check. Tempers are rising in several clans at the insubordination the Arkkru leader shows and you will have to make an example of her soon. You hope Clarke is found before that happens.

She has a new name amongst your people – Wanheda. Commander of Death. Already you hear stories in the streets of how Wanheda opened her jaws and swallowed the Mountain whole. How she blew and the stones came crashing down. Stories grant power to the subject, and Clarke is already on her way to becoming one of the most feared stories in decades. Perhaps since the missiles fell. A bounty has been placed on her head by Nia. Bands of Ice Nation, scavengers, and even some other clans have begun hunting for her, and there’s little you can do to stop it. She isn’t one of your people, no matter how your heart screams that she is all and only yours. What’s left of the hundred won’t make an official decision until the leader returns, and until you can make the Skaikru officially the Thirteenth Clan and part of the Coalition, Clarke will never be safe.

“Heda?” Anya’s voice interrupts from the doorway. You didn’t even hear her knock.

“ _Komba raun, Onya_ ,” you sigh. You watch your best friend from both another life and this one hesitantly enter your throne room. “Any sign of her?” You try to keep the desperation out of your voice, but you know Anya can hear it.

Anya shakes her head, and disappointment fills you. “No trace, Lexa. She’s vanished. Neither Skaikru nor Arkkru have heard anything either. I’m sorry.”

You wave her off, trying not to let the disappointment show. “It is not your fault, Anya. Clarke will be found when she wants to be. How is Tris?”

“Confused, mostly. From what she’s told me, it seems she started to remember hazy details of the past while trapped in the Mountain. She knows that you and Clarke were important figures in her past life, but I do not know if she truly remembers that you were her parents.”

“I suppose all things in time,” you say. “And the Arkkru?” you ask, more business-like.

“Obstinate, Heda. Raven, Octavia, and Lincoln are doing their best to make them understand why you pulled the gonakru back, but they are being difficult. They blame you for almost losing their children, no matter that they sent them all down to the ground to die in the first place,” Anya sneers. “Bellamy, especially, is being combative, despite being locked up since the fall of the Mountain. He’s found a new leader in a new group has found their way to Arkadia. Raven said they were from ‘Farm Station’. They distrust and fear all Grounders and wish to fight us off.”

You shake your head. Without Clarke, the Arkkru are almost more trouble than they are worth. “Keep an eye on them, Anya,” you order. “You will go back with a small gonakru that will stay in the forest, out of sight of Arkadia’s walls.” Anya looks uncertain. “You have a concern, General?” you ask coolly.

“Not over your precautions, Heda,” Anya quickly denies. “I am merely starting to wonder if attempting to salvage this alliance with the Arkkru is worth the trouble,” she unknowingly repeats your own thoughts. “The Skaikru are one thing, but the adults … perhaps it would be better to dispose of them as we planned from the beginning.”

You frown. “You forget, Anya,” you reprimand your best friend and mentor. “Your Raven has ties to them. As does Clarke, and many of our friends. Clarke and Raven would never forgive us for killing their people.”

“We could get those we know would support us to safety beforehand, Heda. And Raven, she would understand, someday. She was angry about the betrayal, at first, but she knows now why you had to do what you did. Raven doesn’t like it, but she understands. And she knows that you endangered your position by allowing me and Lincoln to return and assist Clarke,” Anya says earnestly. “I could get her to leave her people. She’d forgive me for it. One day.”

A knock interrupts the discussion. “What is it?” you ask impatiently.

“Moba, Heda,” a guard apologizes as he sticks his head through the door. “The Fleimkepa requests an audience.”

Tightness settles in your chest at the mention of your advisor. “Tell the Fleimkepa I am busy and do not wish to be disturbed at this moment,” you instruct.

The guard dips his head respectfully. “Yes, Heda.” The door shuts without further incident.

“What are you going to do about him, Lexa?” Anya asks softly. Like she’s worried you’ll break.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you reply, stubbornly mulish.

Anya scoffs. “Don’t act like I don’t remember _exactly_ who he was, Lexa,” she accuses. “I remember. I remember what he did to you, what he did to Tris. What he did –”

“And you think I do not?!” you explode. “You think that every time I see Titus, I am no longer Heda, but sixteen years old and afraid again? That I am not thrown back into that life? You think that every time I have to look at his face, I do not see the man who starved me? That every time I hear his voice, I do not hear the insults he screamed as he murdered my sister?” The bitter sting of tears you refuse to let out burn your eyes. You won’t give him the satisfaction. “I remember _everything_ ,” you whisper.

Strong arms wrap around you, holding you protectively. You stiffen, but eventually relax into your best friend’s embrace. Before she remembered, your _fos_ would have never been so openly affectionate. Even in your past life, Anya often refused to show her emotions, a trait that easily carried over into this life. But when you were trapped in that nightmare of a foster home, Anya became more protective and open towards you than she had ever been before or since. She hugged you more in that year than you think the rest of your life combined. She told you constantly that she’d find a way to get you and Tris out of there. Anya was your rock that year, and the only reason you didn’t fall apart completely after Tris died.

Anya saved you then, and she holds you tight once more as you try not to crumble under the fear of never seeing Clarke again. The fear that Nia’s bounty hunters might find your wife first is almost crippling, and you have never felt less like Heda. “I miss her,” you whimper.

“I know Lex,” Anya murmurs back. “But you have to trust Clarke. She will come back to you. She survived falling from the sky and a war with a mountain. I do not know what the hell she thought she was doing taking off the way she did, but she is not going to let a forest get in the way.”

“What if she hates me for what I did?” you voice your deepest fear.

There’s a pause. “Then she’s not the Clarke you loved,” Anya eventually replies, “because the Clarke I know could never hate her wife. She adores her too much. Have faith, and remember that Clarke knows why you made the choices you did. She would not have let anything happen to Tris either. I know this.” She slowly lets you go, allowing you to stand on your own once more.

“Then where is she? Can you imagine how she feels right now? All those people in the Mountain – no matter how murderous – you know the guilt she must be feeling.” It aches that you can’t be there for Clarke. That you can’t abandon your duties and go find her yourself. If you thought any of your _natblida_ were ready to take the helm, and that the clans would accept them, you’d step down as Heda and spend the rest of your life trying to make Clarke happy. To take away any pain she feels over the decisions you’ve had a hand in forcing her to make. Aiden is close, though it galls you that your son will in all likelihood inherit the dangers of being Heda from you – another wrong you can’t make up to his mother – but even he requires a few more years of training before you would be comfortable with him as Heda.

“I will go out again tomorrow,” Anya assures you. “Either she will return to you on her own, or I will find her and drag her here. Kicking and screaming if I have to.”

You chuckle in spite of yourself. “We could never force Clarke to do anything she did not want to, you know that.”

“Then I hope she wishes to come to Polis.” Anya grins at the thought of being able to drag Clarke around, although you know that despite all her bluster, Anya misses her friend as well. Clarke and Anya may have antagonized each other constantly in your past life and even more in this one, but they have always been close.

Another knock at the door interrupts you. “Komba raun!” you growl, frustrated with the constant annoyances this day.

The same guard reappears. “Moba, Heda, but the Fleimkepa insists that he must speak with you.” In the man’s defense, he really does seem apologetic at having to keep disrupting your private conversation.

“Inform Titus that he would do well to remember who the Heda is, and to mind his place,” you snarl. “I am not at his beck and call nor am I to be ordered around like a seken. I am Heda, and when I am having a discussion with my general about the future of our people, I do not wish to be interrupted.”

“Sha, Heda.” The guard is practically shaking in his boots as he leaves them in peace once more.

You try to relax, taking a deep breath.

“What are you going to do about him, Lex?” Anya asks quietly.

“I don’t know,” you sigh, tired all of a sudden. “I don’t know.” There’s a brief pause. “Find her, Anya. Please,” you finally beg.

“It will be done, Heda.” She starts to head out but stops. “I’ll find her Lexa,” Anya swears, less formally, before she leaves your room. You sigh when you are once again alone.

_Please come home, Clarke._

* * *

You watch the cougar stalk around you, wondering how exactly you got yourself in this situation. All this was supposed to be was a week or so by foot, but _no_. That would have been the easy way and absolutely nothing about your life has been easy since you crashed here.

It took close to two weeks before you realized that the path Anya described was not the one you had followed. Luckily, the lessons in hunting and foraging you’d received from the Trikru before the clash with the mountain meant you were able to keep yourself from starving, but you were and are hopelessly lost. It took another week for you to remember that Anya told you that Polis was due west of the _mountain_ , not the Ark. You spent the rest of the day kicking yourself and sulking for that one, and by then it was too late for you to try and backtrack. You started heading south a few days ago, mindful that you were getting too close to the northern reaches of Trikru territory, just as Anya warned you not to. But you have had no luck finding a path back to civilization.

Now you have a cougar stalking you. You noticed its presence the day before, and it seems to have made the decision to hunt you down. Your sword and Anya’s dagger are in your hands, and you watch the large cat carefully as it circles you, waiting for it to pounce. It’s going to be quick, and you’re not sure you’ll be able to kill it before it slashes you to ribbons.

Damn it. All you wanted was to see your wife and kids again. To spend time with them with the war over. Was that too much to ask? You killed an entire civilization to be able to be with them without the threat of annihilation hanging over your heads, and now not even that has worked out.

“Get it over with then!” you shout at the cougar to either provoke it or scare it off. It snarls and leaps, its muscles tensing and claws extended. Your sword is ready, and in the split second you have before the cat reaches you, you bring it up toward the stomach with the dagger aiming for the cougar’s neck as you instinctively try to curl some part of your back to face the animal.

Blinding pain streaks down your shoulder and back as the cougar growls in your face, its terrible, warm breath washing over you. But the threatening sound cuts short, and the heavy weight goes limp against you, dragging you to the ground as you feel blood begin to slide down your back, your shirt tattered on one side.

“Fuck,” you groan, painfully shoving the now dead predator off of yourself. Both your sword and dagger are bloody, but you are more concerned about your own blood spilling soaking the only shirt you have that is now in danger of falling to pieces. That’s just what you need – to be shirtless in the woods.

There isn’t a whole lot you can do to patch up your back between the lack of supplies and inability to reach, so you trudge over to the icy creek you’ve used as a drinking source for the last couple of days and dip in there, cursing through chattering teeth and praying the wound won’t get infected.

“I suppose I should consider myself lucky you’re alive at all,” a voice drawls from across the water.

You scramble to your feet, sword in hand, looking around wildly for the disembodied voice. A huge, hulking, giant of a man with wild hair and a beard you would have said was a ‘douche-look’ in your past life emerges from the tree line, looking at you intently. You don’t recognize him – so you didn’t know him before, which puts you at a disadvantage. Particularly since the sword he’s wielding is quite a bit larger than yours.

…

Which shouldn’t sound so much like a euphemism.

Whatever. Blame your eighteen year old mind for that one.

…

Back to the guy with the sword, though.

“The Queen is offering a lot for you be brought in dead – but a whole lot more if you are alive. She has been looking for a weakness of the Commander’s for years, and you are my way home.”

The fact that he’s smiling pleasantly as he threatens you is really the most unnerving part of this whole encounter. “I’m not anyone’s weakness,” you retort, sounding braver than you feel. This guy holds a blade like he was born with one in his hand, and you’re month or so of training and month after of using it for survival means you don’t stand a chance. And your gun ran out of bullets two weeks ago.

“Then explain why Heda has warriors scouring the country for you when she should be more concerned over the threat your people represent,” he throws back. “Seems I have found _exactly_ what her weakness is, at long last.”

“I’m not going with you.” It’s a weak response, but it’s the best you’ve got.

“I think you will find you do not have much choice.” The man charges and leaps across the creek as you move backwards as fast as you can without taking your eyes off of him, sword held up but your hand shaking slightly. The only chance you have right now is that he would prefer to take you alive, meaning there will be some hesitation in his attacks. That might give you an advantage in your attacks.

A hand suddenly grabs you by the belt and _throws_ you back even farther, and you land with a huff on your ass. “You made the wrong decision, Roan,” the newcomer spits, and looking up, you gasp as you see Anya standing protectively over you, two swords drawn and a sneer on her lips.

“Nia offers something greater than your precious Heda ever could,” Roan derides.

Anya just chuckles. “Your pitiful _mother_ bowed in deference to Heda and to go against that now is to beg for war against the other eleven clans. She does not have the spine to fight a losing battle.”

“There will not be a war once you and the sky girl are dead at her hand and my mother’s _natblida_ sits on the throne.”

Anya yells in fury and leaps at Roan, one swords stabbing at his gut as the other slashes at his sword arm. Roan ducks out of the way of one and blocks the other with his own swords, but Anya follows her attack up with a kick, catching him square in the chest and knocking Roan back a pace. He gets his breath and swings at Anya, managing to draw first blood when his blade just barely grazes her leg. Anya curses in Trigedasleng as a bit of blood wells up on her thigh.

Taking a chance with Roan’s distraction, you quickly stand and hurl your dagger at him. Lexa had been teaching you how to do it before the mountain in some of the alone time you guys had had, and you’d gotten pretty good at hitting a tree trunk, but you’ve never tried against a moving target before. Luck is with you today, though, when your blade sinks into the fleshy part of Roan’s calf, making him grunt in pain and turn to glare at you. Anya sees the opportunity and brings her sword up against Roan’s back, slicing across before cutting his throat with the second. The fight is over in an instant, as Roan grabs at his neck, shock, then fear spreading across his features before he drops face first onto the ground, blood pooling beneath him.

Anya waits a moment – until she’s sure Roan won’t be getting up again, probably – before looking at you. “You _joken branwada_ ,” she berates, shaking her head. “Two simple instructions, and you have to go and fuck it up and –”

Whatever else she was going to scold you about you cut off as you throw your arms around her. “I am _so_ glad to see you,” you whisper. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Arms slowly come up to hold you. “Let’s just get you home shall we?” Anya offers, just a bit awkward. “Lexa is going out of her mind over you.”

“Best news I’ve heard in a month. Lead the way.”


	22. An Aphrodite for Mortal Souls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion

Polis is everything Lexa described it to be and more. You look around in awe as Anya ushers you through the crowded streets, heading in the direction of a tower that must belong to Lexa – a remnant from before the bombs. The city bustles with activity; markets full of merchants hawking their wares, kids running and laughing as they weave between legs, and even the warriors on patrol seem more relaxed in this bastion of civilization. Citizens eye you a bit warily when they see you, but nod in deference to Anya and go about their day quickly.

“Heda’s apartments and throne room are at the top of the tower,” Anya speaks more formally now that other people are around. “She will have heard of our arrival the moment we passed through the city gates. You will be expected to present yourself to her.”

“Alright.” The sooner you get to see Lexa, the better. “How is your second?”

Anya pauses for a moment. “Tris is – unsettled, from her time in the Mountain. I left her to train with the _natblida_ during my absence. Many of her friends are among them, including the eldest, Aiden. They have been close friends since Tris was made my second and came to Polis with me. We split our time between Polis and my village, but I have been leaving my village in the care of another since you all crashed in our territory, and I am thinking of giving up my position there permanently in order to act in a more advisory capacity to Heda. Her current – advisor – is not the best suited for Heda anymore.”

You aren’t sure what that means, but there’s something Anya isn’t telling you. You’ll have to get it out of Lexa later. Hopefully it’s nothing too serious.

Anya leads you inside the tower, the guards at the doors letting you pass without comment, watchful eyes on the exterior. Anya takes you to a old fashioned looking elevator, obviously made after the missiles had fallen, though probably inspired by a destroyed example. It’s man-powered, and the size of the men operating the pulley system is intimidating. It takes nearly five minutes to ascend to the top of the tower, and it’s grating on your nerves to be so close to Lexa and have to wait that much longer to touch her, but it would have taken you far longer to go up all those stairs, so you’ll take it.

A familiar man is in front of a set of double doors, standing guard. “General,” Gustus greets Anya respectfully. “Wanheda. Heda is in a meeting with the ambassadors.” He says it in the same respectful tone, surprising you. “I apologize, but given the circumstances of our last meeting, I will have to ask for your weapons, Wanheda.”

“Oh, come on, Gustus. Don’t you trust me?” you can’t help teasing Lexa’s father a bit, genuinely happy to see him. “I thought we were making progress. Also, it’s Clarke. No titles.” Your grasp on Trigedasleng is getting better, and you can figure out what Wanheda is supposed to mean. You don't think you like it, but it's something to discuss with Lexa later. It may not be something you can escape anyway.

“I do apologize, Clarke. But I cannot risk my Heda’s safety for anyone. All of your weapons please. You can have them again when you come back out.”

You sigh, but pull out your gun from its holster and sword from your belt. Anya’s dagger is next, and Anya grips your arm like she’s about to lead you inside, but you take out another dagger from a string around your neck and hand it over. Blades from both of your boots, one from a sheath on your back, and two razor thin blades hidden in your hair. The weapons pile up on the floor beside Gustus, and both he and Anya are looking at you incredulously as you pull one last blade from an arm holster barely hidden by your jacket. “What?” you ask when you catch them staring at you.

“Where did you get all those?” Anya demands. “I gave you _one_.”

“Trade,” you shrug. “Ran across an outpost a couple weeks in. Took them a few pelts in exchange. Nice girl runs the place with her dad – Niylah, I think. You should check up on the people in No Man’s Land more often. They could use help sometimes. Also, I just like knives. So much easier than swords.” You suddenly remember where you are. “Can I see my – the Commander, now?” You wince at your slip, forgetting for a second that Gustus doesn’t actually know anything beyond the fact that you’re in a slightly inappropriate relationship with his Heda.

“Heda and the _Fleimkepa_ should be ending the meeting soon,” Gustus says, tone more business-like. “But she requested you be sent in immediately.”

“Great. Can I just go in, then?” Anya rolls her eyes, but nods at the guards to open the doors. They do with a sweeping motion, and you barely hold yourself back from sprinting through them when you catch a glimpse of your wife.

Lexa’s sitting on her throne, in all her Commander regalia, though lacking the war paint. Something settles in your chest at seeing her safe and sound for the first time in a month. Honestly, she looks hot, and something more than your heart stirs at the sight of her, but you tamp that down for the time being. There’s bigger issues at hand, like the twelve people who look like they were in the midst of an argument but are now just staring dumbly at you, and a middle aged, entirely bald man at Lexa’s right shoulder who is glaring at you with a mask of pure vitriol that is startling. But Lexa’s eyes are lit up with joy, even as her face remains impassive, and that’s all you can see.

You contain yourself, realizing you need to give off an impression, and stride calmly through who must be the clans’ ambassadors, coming to a stop at the base of the dais leading to Lexa’s throne. Instinctively, you drop to one knee and bow your head. “Heda. _Ai badan yu op (I serve you),_ ” you say respectfully.

There is another moment of shocked silence, then, “Leave us,” Lexa commands. “Wanheda and I have much to discuss.” You don’t look up from your kneeling position, but hear the rest of those in the room shuffle to their feet and exit.

A robed figure walks past you, but doesn’t leave. “Heda, _nou wich em op (do not trust her),_ ” he warns.

“I demanded privacy, _Fleimkepa_ ,” Lexa replies tightly.

“ _Beja, Heda. Em jos gon bash op yu. Frag em op, sis em uf op gon yu-de. Uf gon Wanheda de teik daun Azquin_ _(Please, Heda. She will only bring you harm. Kill her, take her power for yourself. Wanheda’s power will defeat the Ice Queen)_. ”

“ _Gon we,_ Titus!” There’s a long moment of silence that you keep your gaze fixed on the floor during, and then footsteps get further away and doors close.

Lexa immediately enters your field of vision, dropping to her knees in front of you and gentle fingers tilting your chin up to lay kisses all across your face. “Clarke, Clarke, Clarke,” she murmurs frantically, hands roving from your hair to your back to your hips to your shoulders and everywhere in between. Lips find yours as you finally manage to wrap your arms around her waist, pulling Lexa closer to you until she’s practically in your lap.

“Lexa,” you whisper when she pulls away for a quick breath. “I missed you.”

“ _Ai hodnes, ai niron, ai houmon_ , my wife. I feared you were dead.”

Tears are streaming down Lexa’s cheeks and you wipe them away quickly, mindful of what her subordinates would say if they say their Commander displaying such weakness. “Hey.” Your voice is barely a breath. “I’m alright, pretty girl.”

Lexa nods quickly, but her hands keep moving over your body like she’s checking for injury. They eventually find the four gashes on the back of your shoulder and you do your best to not flinch, but she catches something on your face. “You are hurt.”

“I’m alright, Anya patched me up.” Lexa’s already turning you around though, lifting the bandage to stare at the wound.

“What did this?”

You shrug. “Cougar, the day Anya found me. I got it though,” you tell her, just a bit proud of yourself.

Lexa sighs, gently patting the bandage back into place. “You should not have been in that position in the first place. What were you thinking, wandering off without Anya for an escort?”

The proverbial hackles on your neck rise at the challenge, despite you knowing Lexa is only concerned and not truly questioning you. “I think I did alright, for all my lack of direction,” you defend yourself. “Besides, you remember the desperation we felt to be near each other right after you remembered. A lot of the time we couldn’t – I didn’t see you for weeks after that first day,” you remind her. “I wasn’t going to do that to Raven and Anya right after Raven remembered. And Lincoln had just remembered who Octavia was as well. People were hurt, the Skaikru kids needed a place to rebuild, it was a clusterfuck. Not to mention I just killed something like three hundred people. I had to do it, and I’m not too cut up about the adults, but there were kids there, Lex. I saw them on the screens and all I could see were Tris and Aiden’s faces. I just wanted you, and until then, I wanted to be alone. I wasn’t going to wait for Anya or Lincoln to be ready to take me. And yeah, I should have, but being on my own helped in ways you wouldn’t have been able to. So don’t reprimand me like I’m an AWOL soldier.”

Lexa bites her lip and looks down while you talk, but eventually nods. “I did what had to be done to save our daughter,” she finally tells you, voice quiet. “But I will never forget the look on your face as I left, and I will never regret anything more than having to be the one to make that decision. You should not have had to kill all those people. I should have been with you. That choice was taken from me, and for that I am sorry.”

“Don’t apologize for saving Tris. _Ever_. It took me a minute to understand, and I was so _angry_ with you, but you leaving me was such an unimaginable circumstance that I couldn’t wrap my head around it,” you try to explain your thought process. “It was such an impossible thing that Anya had to practically rub my nose in it before I figured it out. But you were right to leave, right to save Tris, right to save the rest of your people. You did what you had to, and I can’t blame you for that. And I love you for saving our daughter.”

Strong arms surge around you, and fresh tears hit your neck. “I feared you would never forgive me,” Lexa whispers into your skin.

“There’s nothing to forgive, pretty girl.”

* * *

An hour later, Lexa has moved your reunion to her rooms one floor below, giving you relative privacy, although Gustus is still parked outside the doors. “I missed you so much, _ai tombom_ ,” Lexa whispers.

“My _sleng_ has improved, but if you’re going to keep calling me sweet things, I’m going to need translation,” you tease.

“Who says it was sweet? Maybe I called you a stubborn, pig headed asshole with no sense of direction.”

You scoff. “Please. We both know –” You struggle to get more words out as Lexa buries her face in your neck, laying kisses along every inch and making you shudder. Your wife begins to back the two of you toward the bed you’d glanced at when you first entered the room, and you battle for coherence. “The kids,” you remind her, voice choked. “I need to see them.”

“Tomorrow.” There’s a hint of desperation in Lexa’s tone. “Tomorrow morning, I swear.” She slowly lifts your shirt, pulling it up over your head. “Let me have this. Let me have you tonight. Then, I will take you to Aiden and Tris and we can discuss the Skai and Ark krus together, alright?”

Her hands move to your pants, and you’re gone. You nod quickly, giving in as you reach to undo her red sash and toss it aside. You’ve caught her urgency now, and you remove her clothes as quickly as you can, hands fumbling with some of the many buckles but you manage well enough. Lexa’s shirt is off and pants untied when she lose patience and picks you up to dump you onto the furs of her bed. “Lexa!” you laugh breathlessly, sitting up again as she wrestles out of her pants. You grasp her by the hips to pull her closer while she cups your chin and bends down for a deep kiss, her tongue sneaking into your mouth with a flick and tease before retreating. You chase after her, but Lexa gently pushes you onto your back again before straddling you.

“Do you know how long I have waited to see you against my furs?” Lexa asks, almost conversationally as she kisses down your sternum. “The wolf looks best, I believe. I shall have to order the bear replaced.”

“You want to talk about your blankets when you have me naked below you? I need to work harder,” you tease.

Lexa smirks and comes back up for a kiss, this time letting it grow and deepen the way you wanted before. You frantically shove her pants from her hips and down her thighs, whining when she gets up briefly to peel them the rest of the way off and kick them away. Then she’s back to kneeling over you, and you just want her skin touching every inch of your body. It hurts, how much you need her. It’s been over a month, the night before the battle, since you shared a bed, and Lexa seems to share your urgency now. No more teasing.

You gasp as a finger slips inside you with no warning, and your eyes flutter shut. “I missed this,” Lexa practically growls. You moan in encouragement when after a few thrusts, a second finger slides in with the first. They curl at just the right angle to tear a whimper from you, and you roll your hips, trying to get Lexa closer. “Missed how ready you are for me,” she grunts. “Missed you.”

You can’t focus on anything except Lexa inside of you. Then her lips press against yours and you _can_ still multitask. She is everything you want in the world, and it doesn’t take long for her to push you over the edge, letting her body rest against yours to ground you as you come back to yourself. “I love you,” you whisper in her ear.

“ _Ai hod yu in seintaim_ ,” Lexa quietly says, content to hold you now. “You should sleep.”

You want to say ‘No’. You want to touch her, feel her moving over you, watch her come and collapse when her muscles loosen. You want all those things, but exhaustion pulls at you – a month of always looking over your shoulder, waiting for an Azgeda arrow in the dark or the threatening growl of a predator behind you has left you spent. Now, the pleasure of a few moments ago tips you the last little bit toward sleep, and all you can do is snuggle close as she falls to the side of you. Strong arms wrap around your shoulders and waist, keeping you safe and warm against her. “I will be here when you wake,” is the last thing you hear before sleep tugs you under.


	23. Bless the Child One More Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before I reintroduce him, I want to just remind everyone that Aiden is NOT Aden. He was a little boy I made up shortly before Aden became known as a character in Season 3, and the name similarity is just a coincidence. Aiden is their adopted son, first introduced in the original 'Fight Me' story way back when. If you want to view him as Aden, that's fine, I just wanted to make sure everyone knows that I do consider them different, although Aiden does take Aden's place in this story. Thanks!

Light dancing across your eyes wakes you fairly early in the morning, much to your displeasure. “Mmph,” you groan, turning your face deeper into your pillow. Only your pillow shakes, jostling you even further.

“I always forget how terrible you are in the morning,” Lexa chuckles, and despite not wanting to be awake, you smile at the sound of her happiness.

“How long have you been up?”

Your head moves up and down in a shrug before Lexa’s hand reaches up to rub soothingly up and down your back. You hum in content. “For a while. You are beautiful when you are at peace, and I have not had the opportunity to see it often enough since we were reunited. Training with the _natblida_ begins soon – I was going to wake you for that. Aiden will be there.”

At that, you are instantly alert. “And Tris?”

Lexa nods. “Anya has given Tris permission to continue training with the _natblida_ until she leaves for Ton DC tomorrow. This time, they will be bearing news of your fortuitous return. The Skaikru kids will want to meet with you – much progress has been made with their integration since the Mountain, but I believe your influence will be the final push they need to fully immerse themselves with the Trikru clan.”

“Those are all very good things,” you agree, “but shop talk later. I’d really like to meet my kids now?”

“..Right,” Lexa realizes. “We can do that.”

“Great,” you give her an overly sweet smile, you’re cheeks forced up high enough to make your eyes squinty and Lexa roll hers, and for a second you remember you’re only eighteen. That whoever-up-there-that-sent-you-back’s willing, you get a whole new life with this girl. You get to do it again with her. “How old are you?”

Your wife is visibly thrown by the question. “How -? Um, twenty summers. Years. Twenty years old. I think. I would have to ask Gustus or Anya to be sure. The years when I was under Titus’ hand are a bit of blur.”

Anger burns deep within the pit of your belly at the thought of the man who beat Lexa when she was so tiny and little and defending your son. You’ve done so much killing since you came down, but you could find it in yourself for one more if it was him. “Is he that bald headed ugly dude who kept glaring at me in your throne room or whatever that was yesterday? Because I hate him.”

“He is – not relevant. Come. I will take you to Tris and Aiden. But know that Aiden does not remember anything, and Tris only a little.”

* * *

Lexa takes you to a little clearing in the forest outside the walls of Polis, with Gustus as your only guard. There are seven children, ages maybe anywhere from six or seven to early teens and – that boy in his teens is so fucking familiar.

_Aiden_.

Part of your soul breathes out in relief at finally seeing your son. Really the only difference in him that you can see from last time he was this age is his hair is now severely restrained into tight, short braids that run along his head, but he’s the same handsome young man you raised and loved. He has a sword – that’s also new, two differences – and is currently practicing some kind of disarming move with Tris over and over, your daughter groaning and rolling her eyes every few seconds as she retrieves her blade time and again. The sight makes you grin, tears threatening at the corners of your eyes as you watch your children together in a way you thought you’d never see again.

And then you lock eyes with Titus, and you see the same hatred in them as yesterday, and it makes you shiver.

“Titus,” Lexa practically growls, voice tight. “You have been made aware many times that you no longer have the duty of overseeing physical training of the _natblida_. When I am unavailable, Anya, Gustus, or Tyka have that responsibility. You overstep your bounds, _Fleimkepa_.”

He forces his gaze from you to face his Commander. “I – apologize, Heda.” God, even his voice is slimy. “I maintain that it is highly undone to not have the _Fleimkepa_ oversee all aspects of the _natblida_ training, but I bow to the wish of the Spirit.”

There are so many words in that sentence you need to ask Lexa about later. Particularly the _natblida_ thing. _What_ is it? It doesn’t sound awesome, whatever it is.

“Given that Anya trained the current Heda and is present at this moment, it would seem the _natblida_ are well looked after,” Lexa observed. “You are dismissed.”

The amount of sass your wife just managed to fit into a perfectly even-toned order is honestly hot. Like, your wife is a fucking stone cold killer and teenage hormones and sex drive are biting you in the ass right now. You tamp that down for later, and re-focus on your children. Tris spots you and Lexa after a moment, says something to Aiden, gets a nod of permission from Anya, and jogs over to you. “Wanheda, will you spar with me?”

Surprised, but thrilled, you jump at the chance. “Sure. But only if you promise to go easy on me,” you joke. “I’m from space and new at this still.”

Tris rewards you with a tiny smile and leads you a little ways away from the rest of the children as they flock around Lexa excitedly. She’s got a whole new set of ducklings to look after and teach, and you grin at the though while you follow your daughter. Once you have a little privacy, Tris brings up her sword and you follow suit, nodding to show you’re ready for her. She flows into smooth motions that you have no trouble keeping up with, and you know Tris actually _is_ taking it easy on you. “You have been in my dreams recently, Wanheda,” she begins after a few minutes. “My _fos_ says to just let them come, and understanding will come later. But I want to know. Why are you and Heda in my dreams?”

You let your sword fall to the side. “You haven’t changed at all,” you tell her fondly. “Always wanting answers now – always arguing your side.”

“You – you did know me? Before?”

“Let’s take a walk.” You nod reassuringly at Lexa as she watches the pair of you go, and she goes back to her children. Tris follows you deeper into the woods, Gustus keeping an eye on you but also maintaining a distance. “First, I want you to know that I’m not trying to insert myself where your parents should be.”

Tris shakes her head immediately. “They are gone. I barely remember them. I was looked after by my village’s elders for a few years before they sent me to the Polis orphanage when Heda formed it, and Anya found me there right after. Made me her _sekon_ and let me stay in Polis with her.” There’s a desperation for confirmation in her eyes as she hastily explains – she’s just waiting for you to tell her she’s right. You are helpless to resist, and you really don’t want to.

“In another life, I gave birth to you. You were mine, Tris. Mine and Lexa’s, and we loved you _so_ much. We still do. Spirits, you still look so like her.”

“And – Aiden?”

You smile at the thought of your handsome boy. “Him too. He came a little later, but he was your brother, and you were very close. Lexa and Anya tell me you still are.”

Tris grins for a second but then her nose wrinkles. “He is older than me now,” she says, clearly not impressed.

You can’t help it – you burst into laughter and Tris giggles with you a second later. You are still laughing when small but strong arms wrap tightly around your waist, Tris’ head fitting perfectly under your chin. This will take getting used to; your daughter is only five years younger than you now. But it just means more time with her and the rest of your family. “ _Ai hod yu in, nomon_ ,” she mutters into you shoulder, and you hold her closer.

“I love you too, sweet girl.” You tilt her face up so you can meet her eyes. “You made me remember, and I can never thank you enough for that, Tris.” Tears flow down both of your cheeks, but you don’t try to stop them this time. “Without you, none of this would have been possible. So thank you. And I want to know everything about you this time. I know things are confusing and difficult, but we’ll make this work. And your mother loves you entirely and can’t wait to be able to speak with you in private. Anya also tells me I have much to be proud of you for.”

Tris blushes, scuffing her feet a little bit. “I wanted to be Heda Lexa when I became a _gona_ ,” she admits. “I still do.”

“She is quite amazing,” you agree. “But I may be biased.” You put an arm around her shoulders and lead her a little further away from Gustus. “So tell me more about you. How did Anya find you?”

While you two walk, Tris tells you about how Anya came to the orphanage she was living at as a favor to Lexa, to ensure that Lexa’s project was being run properly and the children were being treated well. Anya had seen Tris fighting off a bully who had attacked a smaller child. Tris gave the teenager a black eye and bloody lip for his troubles, and got a mentor and way out of the orphanage in return.

Everything Tris tells you about her life fills you with even more pride and love for your daughter. The adversity she’s already overcome in her short life is a testament to her strength and character. Eventually you give her one last hug in private and allow her to run back and rejoin her friends and brother for the conclusion of their morning training.

* * *

“Aiden, stay back for a moment, _beja_ ,” Lexa calls her oldest student after she brings the morning session to an end. The rest of the _natblida_ children flock to Anya and Tris as they leave the clearing, talking excitedly about the rest of their day and Lexa’s lesson. Aiden returns to Lexa’s side, nodding respectfully.

“ _Sha, Heda_?”

“ _Gonasleng,_ Aiden,” Lexa reminds him gently. “I would like you to meet Clarke Griffin, now called _Wanheda_. She will be staying in Polis for the foreseeable future as Ambassador for the Skaikru.”

You shoot her a sharp glance, unaware of that new title. Although you suppose it does make the best excuse for staying close to Lexa, assuming it is a real title you will be allowed to take up. Just something else to go over with her later. Regardless of your surprise, you are mostly entranced with the way Aiden looks at Lexa – the adoration in his eyes for the fellow student turned mentor that covered for him when he was small. It’s a love you recognize from your own gaze when you look at your wife. Anyone that truly knows Lexa can’t help but to love her.

Aiden turns to you and gives you a half bow. “I am honored to meet you, _Wanheda_.”

“The pleasure’s mine, Aiden. _Heda_ tells me you are her star pupil.”

Your son blushes at the praise, and you fall in love with your boy all over again. “We are lucky to be under _Heda_ ’s tutelage. She gives us all the chance to survive the Conclave.”

“The Conclave?” You’ve heard that term before. Lexa mentioned it, the first time she told you about her childhood. She also spoke of ‘surviving’ the Conclave.

Lexa steps in immediately. “Return to the rest of the _natblida_ , Aiden, or you will miss the midday meal,” Aiden nods and runs off. “Gustus, you are dismissed. _Wanheda_ and I shall be perfectly safe until we return to the tower.”

Gustus looks like he wants to protest but merely says, “ _Sha, Heda_ ,” and walks off back towards the town.

“What is the Conclave, Lexa?” you ask again.

“First,” Lexa sighs, “I need you to know that I have been doing everything I can the last five years to change it. But changing a hundred years of tradition takes more time than I have been Commander. The clans do not respond well to new ideas, and this is a drastically different idea.”

“But what is it?” Your voice is tight, and you have a terrible suspicion of where this conversation is heading.

“The first Commander was Becca. She brought the Nightblood with her and gave it to the clans after the bombs fell. I do not know if the Conclave began right after Becca died or sometime in the next generation, but for at least the last fifteen Commanders, it is how they have been chosen. All _natblida_ above the age of twelve participate in the killing ring. They are made to battle each other with no end until only one is left standing. The last _natblida_ becomes _Heda_ , and the cycle begins anew with the remaining young _natblida_ and any new ones that are found over the course of that _Heda’s_ leadership. I had to kill my friends, Clarke. The children I grew up with, played with, ran away with. Everyone told me I would be the first to die – the Unteachable Nightblood. And then I killed all of them. I was a child, killing the people I cared about for a position I did not want. I have been trying to put an end to it ever since. Aiden would win his Conclave, of that I have no doubt. But even before I knew who he was, I did not want to force him to be a killer in that way. Battle is one thing. The Conclave is a massacre, held for the delight of other people. I thought that uniting the clans under one banner would ease this decision, but the clan leaders cling to it, particularly the Azgeda. Only Trikru and Floukru have backed my proposal so far, but I swear to you Clarke that I will end it before Aiden has to partake in his."

Lexa waits stiffly after she’s done talking, as if she’s expecting you to yell and storm off. You’re pretty sure she’s surprised when instead you engulf her in an embrace, holding her close with tears in your eyes. Honestly, is your temper that bad? “I’m so sorry,” you whisper. “Life down here can _really_ suck. I mean, up in space fucking sucked too, but so does on the ground.”

She relaxes in your arms inch by inch, settling into your tight hold. “It can,” she agrees. “But we have our family back, and that is worth something. I swear I will keep them safe, Clarke.”

“You’ve already done that. Let me help you now. What do you need me to do?”

Lexa pulls back, and you let her go reluctantly. “First – keep from antagonizing Titus. He holds a high position of authority as _Fleimkepa_ among the clans and while I do not trust him, and Anya would like to kill him, I cannot feasibly remove him from power as he is the only trained _Fleimkepa_ alive. He despises anything that goes against tradition and you most certainly do not follow tradition. He hates you and wants me to kill you to gain the influence you have gathered as _Wanheda_.”

“Well. He’s a dick.” Lexa laughs at your blunt words, but you are already making plans to speak with Anya about how to get rid of this prick in a way that won’t harm Lexa’s goals. “I take it he’s a strong voice against changing the Conclave?”

“He is,” Lexa nods. “But that is a worry for later. I have no plans of dying anytime soon and there are more pressing needs. We need to sort out leadership of the Skaikru. If they wish, Indra has expressed her agreement in allowing them to fully integrate with Trikru and becoming one clan. She has been impressed with their progress in the last month. Or, they can remain Skaikru, in which case they must elect a leader and an ambassador to remain in Polis. If they choose to follow this path Indra has also agreed to allot them some of the land surrounding Ton DC to the Skaikru. The hundred have been waiting for your return to vote on this, so we must travel to Ton DC in the next few days to see to it.”

“Alright. We’ll go in a few days then. It’s their choice, really.” A thought occurs to you. “Will I be able to stay in Polis? No matter what they choose? You mentioned ‘Ambassador’,” you ask anxiously. You won’t leave Lexa again. If you have to renounce where you came from, you’ll do it. If you have to be leader of the Skaikru, you’ll do it. Anything that will let you stay by her side.

Lexa takes your hand and begins leading you slowly back towards the city center. “If they choose to integrate, it will be no problem. You will be a member of the Trikru clan, and all clan members have the right to live in Polis. I can find a reason for you to stay with me in the tower without revealing our relationship. It is still too dangerous at this time with Nia in power and the Arkkru still unsettled to let it become common knowledge. If the Skaikru kids decide to remain their own clan, they can elect you as leader, in which case you will be obligated to stay with your clan, or as ambassador, where you would be required to live in Polis full time. This is obviously the optimal solution, but it is still their choice. I do know that they want you to lead them.”

You roll your eyes. “I never wanted to lead. And now I have this stupid _Wanheda_ title following me around because of choices I was forced to make. But being ambassador sounds like something I could do.”

“You have the perfect mind for it,” Lexa acknowledges, pressing a kiss to your lips as you reach the edge of the tree line before becoming visible to everyone in the city. You let go of her hand reluctantly. “Push for that. The Skaikru will listen to you. You saved them all and they respect you for it. Decide on what you will say in the next couple of days. I must meet with the _natblida_ for their schooling this afternoon. You are welcome to join me if you wish. I would appreciate your input, and I want them all to know you. Aiden and Tris aren’t the only two I consider my children any longer,” she admits shyly.

You smile, kissing her one more time. “I could see how much they love you. I would be honored to meet the rest of your ducklings.”


End file.
